Hopes in This Relationship

i used to want to marry someone with the letter of the last name that would put me in the middle of the alphabet - not at the end, where 'taylor' had me, and not at the beginning - didn't really want to be first picked.  i look at that desire and wonder at the value system i held for one of the most important relationships i could choose.

now i have a few more preferences.  strange how marrying someone i had no real relationship with can change the perspective, BUT that last name letter put me in the middle of the alphabet....

now i would really like to have someone i can talk with.  with opinions of their own, and an appreciation for what i think also.  i would like to be able to have conversations about God and my relationship with Him, and who can share his relationship with God also.  i really like the idea of having common interests, things that help us be good friends.  strangely, as i get to know someone they become attractive to me.  i have not ever been interested in someone that i considered drop dead gorgeous but as i got to know them personally, i would become crazy attracted to them.  i want to know i am important and valued as who i am and not to be changed. someone with core values that are the same as mine and similar values helping us to mesh well.

value systems are so important.  one lives from the truth of what they value.  i valued pizza every weekend for months, my actions showed that i would eat healthy all week; meals every couple of hours full of protein and veggies, and then on the weekend it was pizza and the pool.  i exercised throughout the week and took care of myself but that pizza was important.  all that to say, when i look at my actions and behaviors i see what is important.  i now see that i don't really count my health as important because i am not working out regularly, eating the way i know, checking my blood sugars, and i am eating foods that have chemicals and sugars added. 

on the other side i am also seeing what kind of a person i want to be in a relationship. i want to value the other one and not take him for granted so often that it causes strain between the two of us.  i want to show honor and respect in my interaction with him, to share in his interests and learn from him what is important about the activities and interests he has.  i want to be encouraging and not speak hastily or in anger.  i want to be patient and not attempt to change him.  i want him to know he is accepted and loved by me, even in the midst of a battle of wills and preferences.  i want to always be beautiful to him.  i want to protect his heart and not cut him with my actions or words. 

all these hopes are lofty.  being human means failing miserably.  the hope rests in knowing that God is involved in the process and is able to help me with choices, and if i will turn to wisdom then i can have a worthwhile relationship and marriage.  bring on the hard work - right..