here i am sitting at the table, watching my cereal get soggy, thinking how easy it is to keep ignoring what is truly needed. (just for reality sake, i know a process must take place, but i keep whining about the same thing; needing a personal relationship with Jesus and not filling my life with a bunch of things to take the place of said need.) i continue to go to things instead of the One. i'm starting to feel pathetic.
where does a relationship start? i guess with conversation. you ask the person how they are, what they are interested in, etc. then somehow a conversation is started and people find out if they have interests in common. i am thinking i can skip some of that because i know Jesus and i have things in common, we have already established that in our relationship. maybe i need to go back there though, revisit what was working.
i complain about wanting a deep connection. my thoughts tell me that desire is an obvious part that He wants with me too. maybe i am not wanting to go deep with Him. (i find that usually the issue lays with me and not Him...)
if you know the definition of insanity, it is plain that i am insane. the idea that i will get this deep cavern, desiring connection and depth in relationship, filled by minor things, is ridiculous - insanity actually. so hopefully i will get off this bandwagon of crazy and get into His arms to have a nice conversation. maybe, i just want to sit in His arms, and that is a great place to start too.
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