He Is Love, Plain And Simple

i often forget the magnificence of God. His ability to love, when i would choose to not. throughout all these seasons i find that the One who is stable, the One who never changes, Who is always constant, well, is Him.

God never changes in the way He deals with me. as i walk along questioning motivation, whether i can do relationship, and the value of me, He still professes deep, unflinching love. His arms are open wide, desiring whatever i will give Him. i am certain He hopes for my attention often.

such a strange conundrum for me to understand. God doesn't 'need' me, He wants me. i don't truly complete Him, but i do. He longs for my companionship, He longs for me to know Him, seek Him, and want Him more than anything life can offer. this is so strange to think upon. i can't figure it out.

so i won't, but i will ask that He show me whatever i can handle as i walk this path.

again, here i am in my "questioning cycle". i do this over and over. i question whether i am good enough, i run from His love and mercy, i question why i am running, i keep running, i feel bad about running but not bad enough to stop, and then somewhere, i get the point that it isn't about what i am doing, it is about Him. it isn't about me, but it is. He just wants me. and i don't think i have ever experienced just being wanted. He wants me just because He thinks i am amazing, and really i don't think i'm amazing but i want others to think i am amazing... so i am glad when i get to the point of believing He believes i am amazing and worthwhile, and beautiful, and amazing.

i will borrow a thought from don miller's book Searching for God Knows What, and the idea is that adam and eve experienced a relationship so open, so vulnerable, that they could be completely unashamed while standing naked in front of God. there was something about that relationship that allowed them to feel safest in their most vulnerable state. some how there was no judgement, no shame, no guilt, only pure trust, acceptance, love. i am brought to tears to think i could have a relationship with anyone even remotely like that.

i have one girlfriend who shows grace and mercy similar to that with me. she doesn't judge me when i put on a bathing suit ;). and for that i truly trust her and feel comfortable around her. i thank God for a gal like her.

so, here i am again, God. at the stage where i can rest, a little better, knowing that You are love. You want me and love having my attention. i don't have to do anything but notice You are there and accept the love You are offering. thank You for loving so well.

(on a little bit different thread, i have this resume and letter of... something with an "a", and last night there were some fantastically creative ways of wording i wanted to use. i ask that You bring back those beautiful themes and help me with these two assignments. i also thank You for the assistance You have gifted to me through others. thank You, Jesus.)