i want him to want me so i can reject him. i want him to feel the pain i am feeling when thoughts hit me that i was not good enough, or what he wanted. if he had taken the time to know me we would have found we were not good together; so much pain could have been avoided. i now understand why i am taking this new relationship slowly so as to know this gentle-man.
strange to me how i feel this pain clearly but know i am loved by another. i am loved by him, but still scared because i believed once before and brokenness was the result.
taking revenge on the one who broke my heart will not heal my soul. holding the desire will break the back of the one who loves me as he tries to win my hidden heart. a conundrum i do not understand at this time. the need for revenge but letting go opening a door for love.
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