Sentimentality

i asked for sentimentality and got it.  last night scot told me he is having trouble cleaning up the sink in his bathroom because there are traces of my make up still there, with a few of my hairs clinging to the counter.  he said the pillow i used has already lost my smell, the trace of my shampoo was gone.  strange how this information brings a reality to me,  he really does miss having me around. in the telling of his actions he relates his depth of loneliness without me around.

with this new information i still struggle with thoughts of 'that happy, want to be around one another all the time ends at some point'.  i already loath the days we will be so comfortable with one another that he is irritated at the make up and hair i leave behind instead of experiencing the whispering longings of the present.  should i not just enjoy now and not stare at the gray within that clouded though?

we spoke of romance and passion.  my fear of not feeling passion and romance brings questions to mind about the depth of my love for scot.  yet i know i am committed to this relationship and seeing it through.   am committed to scot, where he is and where he plans to go, what we plan to do together as partners in marriage and life.  after speaking with a co-worker this morning, and scot last night, i feel romance is something that will come as we are consistent in our face-to-face time.  a long-distance relationship brings hardship to romance.

presently i am listening to this piano play a beautiful melody moving my heart into a type of dance.  i guess experiencing beautiful moments with scot will move me and romantic passion will develop.  i don't want cliché, but there are just some things here on earth that are beautiful because God made them that way.  i love nature and music.  i so enjoy a cup of coffee while talking to a friend.   scot mentioned last night romance will be what we find along the way.  i can hardly wait - guess that shows some passion.

and me - what am i sentimental about?  what do i find romantic?  what stirs passion and life within me?  

a great conversation, hitting a depth of connection (which i hear is not a normal everyday occurrence so what do i do about that, or rather what do we do about that??).  eyes meeting with both parties knowing they share a bond, or something (guess i better get over being embarrassed to meet scot's gaze huh..?).  a single flower, or lots of them..., for no apparent reason - even a little note saying something silly is wonderfully romantic.  then there is of course catching something in nature so inspiring and breath-taking that is shared between two individuals and felt to the core (some poetic inspiration is taken here...).  scot sends me song lyrics and tells me what they make him think of, i love that. i hope for moments not created, but that take place.  the surprise of a little romance not planned but spontaneous - those i believe will stir the passion desired in my heart and woo me into scot's arms.