Dealing With It All

friday i had a dr appointment to check a lump in my breast.  the nurse practitioner was the perfect personality to work with on this issue.  she was warm and friendly, i actually liked her very much.  so i have a lump.  that was established by me about three weeks ago.  then she agreed and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound. 

yesterday i went for the mammogram and ultrasound.  i got squished and pulled during the mammogram but overall it was not bad, almost felt like i was doing a strange modeling job... very strange........ the ultrasound was kinda neat.  i got to see this shadowy round-like thing with other shadowy things in the area from every angle imaginable (can't remember if they were all connected or not).  then the radiologist came in and watched the ultrasound tech manipulate the wand over the mass of shadow.  conclusion from two days of dr appointments: i have a lump.  i already told them that.. 

i don't even remember what was said except that i need a biopsy (knew that already, can't diagnose anything without getting samples....) and the formation was not the usual cyst formation.  

i also found out yesterday that our vp has resigned effective immediately.  so work was more than a little crazy - for everyone else.  i am so glad i had a dr appointment to be at.  i still think i have the same boss, the same duties, the same.... but no one has told me yet

today i have the biopsy.  my appointment is at 5.45 pm.  then i have to get to class for my part of the powerpoint presentation.  that kinda blows, i guess.  i am thinking it would be nice to go home after being stabbed for an hour with a needle and go to bed.  (no idea really on the time frame and how late i will be to my class - but you know me, i hate to be late to anything but don't want to miss a class - ever!!!)

fortunately i believe i am prepared for my presentation tonight.  wonderful to know that.  

tomorrow!!! i head out for texas.  it will be a welcome relief from this reality. 

i have a false reality there but it is sure nice to escape to.  when i am with scot i so enjoy my time, there are moments of boredom but life is like that.  there are moments of miscommunication but is it so different from miscommunicating on the phone.  i am looking to the time when he will be here and we will do the face to face relationship.  

he has been dealing with a hernia for as long as we have been doing this 'thing'.  i think he is at the point of needing to go to the emergency room.  he keeps saying he will go but it just doesn't work out.  he gets better and the need is not so intense.  he told me yesterday he would go this next week.  i told him i wanted to ask him to promise me but would not demand it because i knew maybe he was not ready to be in that place yet.  i am concerned.  i hope that he is recognizing, through his concern for my situation, the way i am feeling about him being taken care of.  i guess i will be talking to him once i get up there.  

i love him very much.  i think he is a great match for me.  i can tell there will be rubs for us both - i mean two personalities living in one home, how can there not be rubs??

God it is amazing what You are able to do with two people.  i hope You can have Your way in our life, individually and as a couple.  i know human nature is tricky, and i know that You are able.