Is It Time For Bed Yet?

i have a sort of numbness going on now.  i think it probably has more to do with weather than anything else.  not quite certain however. 

the weather here has been all over the place - hot and then cold with huge gusts of wind bringing all the allergy stuff raging.  so yay!  i have heard that this will be the worst allergy season in the past twelve years.  heck i didn't even know i had allergies till i moved to oklahoma...

i admit that i may have stayed up too late the past few nights also, not that i needed to but just that i happened to not be able to calm my body and mind enough to sleep.  yuck, it is not good. 

i find myself avoiding church sunday mornings.  well i have been experiencing some pretty awful illnesses the past month or so.  but i feel that there is too much pressure to do and be and i sure don't like getting up that early to be part of something that i feel pressure to do - and not the good kind of pressure either...  too often the conversation is about how we are doing it (church) right and so differently than the big ... whatever churches.  can we just forgive those who have hurt us and get moving on?  i think we may be better for ourselves and everyone we come into contact with.  don't get me wrong, there are individuals who are actually community based people - they get out there and interact with people in the community, but mostly everyone is too busy with their own thing to get involved.  (or maybe that is just me and i am feeling overwhelmed because i feel a need to be involved but am not doing so - hmm all those fingers i was pointing suddenly are pointed back at me then... interesting)

generally i am doing well in my relationship with scot.  i miss him very much but am resigning to the fact that it is simply going to take a certain amount of time and i am not in control of that.  i wish for so many things to fall into place more easily but again, there must be a reason why time is being used as it is so i make the most of it.  there is still a lot of space between here and june 29, 2012...(which is my projected date lol and will probably have to change more times than i want to count right now.)

enough rambling i suppose.  (is it time for bed yet??)