Pretty Crappy

so the past few days have been hectic and i get the feeling that one of the gals in the office is bringing her irritation about who i am into a personal setting at work.  this gal is in a place of authority and, as far as i can tell, has had issues with needing power as long as i have been working here.  

she is one of the people who came into the office and told me i was an idiot to not challenge a vp when told to toss things in the garbage because she, the vp, was tired of seeing all the clutter.  the gal, i will name her x, proceeded to tell me it was ridiculous and i was foolish (wish i could remember the exact word…) o and that she did not believe the vp would ever act that way (though x was not in the office and there were at least three eyewitnesses who heard, and were so shocked they did not know what to say, and saw the actions.  those same witnesses – two of them – heard x talk to me in that disrespectful way and were stunned also as to how to respond.  one of them did step in and say to x that there was no reason to speak to anyone the way she was speaking to me).  after being told i was not wise to question the vp she went to her office and i proceeded to take several breaths and then went to her office to clarify what had happened with the vp to explain why i did not challenge her.  x again stated i was not using wisdom (i believe that was the word, it centered around how unwise i was…) and that the vp would not act in the manner i was describing.  

this has been a long standing issue, even clear back to when i first began to work for this company.  there were issues when she was a co-worker and had no authority over me, and on into my current position.  now she is in a place of power and i am actually afraid i may at some point be put under her department.  i do not relish being treated as a child or spoken to in complete disregard.  

i was randomly told today that the new work study is not to sit up here with me but must be back in another office – the instruction was given by x to the gal that told me.  i guess i should not have been surprised.  i talked to the work study that used to sit up here, a lot actually, we both got our work done and he would cover the phones.  he also witnessed the three times i was outright attacked, twice by the vp and once by x. 

i often see x standing around the corner – there is a glass front to our entrance and i am able to view activities in both hallways – watching me, just standing there watching me work, or not work depending on what i have already accomplished.  

so i am certain you can tell i feel ill toward this x.  it is difficult to be in an office where i know i am not liked.  i do recall asking God to help me learn how to work around those who do not like me.  needless to say, i do not like learning this.  how does one work where they know they are not liked?  i had started to pray that God would grant me the grace to work with her and a couple other people in the office.  she is the only one left that seems to still have a serious problem with me.  as much as i don’t want to i need to start praying for her again.  i realize she is in a tough place personally and a struggle for any control, anywhere, is what may be happening here.  it seems that no matter my efforts to communicate with her and find out what needs to be done – (back when we were moving and she was in charge of the move i went to her often each week to ask for clarification on what was needed but never given any instruction.  i then decided to just start packing things up so it was not left till last minute.  once we got moved – and that was a hassle in itself i was sick and did not come in to work that 14+ hour day, and others did not work it either, so i was not the only one – i caught the vp tearing me apart in the copier room and saying how i did nothing and was useless.  a few weeks later i was set down and told that my moral was being questioned.  through tears i asked for clarification and told my side.  that i had caught the vp gossiping about me, that i was in the middle of a marriage breaking up and felt there was no safe place to be, that yes my attitude was suffering but i was doing my best, that i had spoken to x on several occasions to get direction and never received it only to find out two other people were supposed to give me the ins and outs of the move so they had been the dropped ball that i was being blamed for, and on and on.  it pretty much sucked.) so i see the main problem i have with x is communication.  drives me nuts.  maybe she is an “only on a need to know basis” and i don’t need to know in her books…