maybe i am the one who is hypocritical. i complain about christians doing one thing and saying another. kinda sounds like me. and then there is that whole judging others without knowing motivation - which is so secret most of the time the person doesn't even know why they are doing what they are doing. that means that i could not possibly have a clue to why they are saying something and then i think their actions are disproving what they say. i also find that often when i am pointing fingers they tend to point back at me way too often.
i am sitting at work and there is a prayer meeting happening down the hall, being led by x. i am judging her based on how i think she has been feeling towards me. i have no concrete proof, just the feelings and what others have said (label that "gossiping" please). i realize there has been talk about me, and i realize she has been part of it. somewhere here i have to let it go.
i have to let go just as i did when the vp was threatening to fire me based on what a student said. i stood on my porch and told God how scared i was, that i was incapable of doing anything to change the situation. i reminded myself that He put me here for a season and that i was doing my best to be the best i could and get my education with the purpose and intent of being able to help others. and i reminded myself that He is always for my good, even when i do not deserve it. the vp was much scarier than x and God walked me through that. He will walk me through this too.
i don't like that others don't like me. i don't relish having people talk negatively about me. however, it is going to happen. i have asked for the opportunity to learn how to handle situations where i am not liked, and the people that are choosing to not like me. in other words, the grace to adapt to life.
yay, another growing opportunity. (please notice there is sarcasm with that statement AND a slight realization that it will be good for me...)
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