Tuesday

and a bright, cool, good-morning to all.  please pause with the words "bright" and "cool"...  

last night was an early night.  well i say early because i was in bed around 8pm, though i did not actually fall asleep till after 10.30.  just too tired to stay up i guess.  as i was falling asleep i had a phone call from my instructor about homework this wednesday.  and as i was settling in for the second time my room-mate's son came in with his girlfriend to pack up some groceries and more clothes in order to have real food to eat at her house.  i panicked and went downstairs to write scot's name on the food i purchased for him.  turns out i over-reacted as her son was grabbing all the snack food he had brought from his dad's house, o and half the gallon of milk...  don't get me wrong - i REALLY like my roomie's son, and i know i have food issues, but it drives me nuts to have him not living there only to come home and grab food or stay one night when he is fighting with his girlfriend.  it has nothing to do with me and i really need to ignore it.  so back to the original thought for this paragraph, i finally got to sleep around 10.30 or a little after.

and heck yeah!!, i am awake and refreshed.  i'm even eating fruit for breakfast - thank you mama for the fruit basket.  i hope this refreshed feeling will hang on, and i am contributing it to sleeping all day sunday.  it was so good to do that.  i suggest it to anyone that is desiring a fresh feeling, i mean of course awake feeling - a fresh feeling happens after one showers and is clean ;)

so tomorrow scot arrives.  i get off work around 1 and plan on heading straight to the airport to pick him up.  his flight arrives around 1.55.  i am so excited - may be part of why i did not sleep as early as i thought i would last night.  

as i mentioned earlier, i purchased food for scot to eat while here.  it was way too stressful, and i found myself irritated with him telling me to just buy whatever i thought he should eat.  that is dangerous cuz i would cut out mt. dew, ham, bacon, any processed food and drink - so he would hate what i purchase.  he kept saying this would make a good test for us.  i have enough testing with my school work, i don't want relationship tests...  (crap, conscience hits cuz i have been testing him this entire relationship.) i guess that is what ppl do to one another, they test...  dang we are so unfair to one another.  and this thinking will lead me to deeper thoughts, wonder if i want to go there...

sure why not.  

why do i need to test and is it okay?  i am going to say testing is needed but the motivation needs to be correct.  if i am testing to see if scot will fail me, that is a given.  people fail one another.  if i am testing to know if he is a good match that would be a good reason, it is better to know before committing in marriage.   there will be many areas needing clarification.

i laid in bed last night feeling annoyed with him.  i wonder if it is because of the food thing and that i am feeling stress at him being here and mom wanting to be here and feeling bad that it is working out this way and being tested about the food stuff and surgery and getting homework finished and all the things going on at work with my fellow workers having jobs threatened and Jesus, stop the madness. You are more than capable to take care of all these people and me too.  each situation can be wonderful if i will leave it in Your hands and just trust You.  i had a surprising awareness last night that i have not laid in Your arms in a long, very long time.  i don't even know if i made it there before i fell into sleep.  You are peace and strength, You provide what i need when i need it and right now, right here i want to thank You for caring.