so i finally went to the dr about the way my breast was looking. turns out i had a major reaction to the adhesive spray used to close the incision and attach steri-strips. i blistered up terribly and got a heck of an infection. now i am needing to heal that all up along with everything else. it has been more traumatic than i expected of course.
this scariness is surprising to me. i thought it would be a pretty simple procedure with extra healing time because, well i always take more time to heal. having something horrible looking and weeping so is gross to me and i am a little scared will leave a less than terrific looking scar. the incision is gaping and had fluid weeping out. i don't really want to detail it too much, so suffice it said that the wounds are scaring me and causing me to second guess how i will look after all has healed. the situation relies on my vanity, i realize, but i am realistic enough to know it effects how i see myself and therefor how i will carry myself. i had just begun to feel like, at the size i currently am, i am still beautiful. here again i must trust God to care for all these feelings.
scot tells me it does not affect the way he feels about me, and i know that is true. it will just affect the way i feel beautiful to him and respond to his interest. if i don't care for this it may become a 'reason' i feel he does not want to view my body once we are married, or keep me from wanting him to see my body. it is a future situation that causes worry now and therefore can be cared for now and healed before it is a true issue.
well that is it for scariness.
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