Feeling Peace

i am sitting here, very late at night (possibly early morning even), watching pride and prejudice in the common room, listening to scot softly snoring in his room, and feeling quite content with the whole situation.  i find comfort in having him around and will miss him greatly when he must go home.  

i so enjoy his company and they way we interact, though we are still getting used to one another's behaviors.  how interesting it is to have an easy way about one another.  i find myself having to deal with little irritations and taking into account how life will be with one another.  this time has felt so very real, though i know it does not compare to how our marriage will be.  

he put in an application with a company this morning and feels very confident about the position available at the company.  i asked him his thoughts and dug a little deeper into what he believed God wanted for him.  scot said he has been talking to God about what actions need to be taken next, with job in mind, and that this company keeps popping up in tv advertisements, radio ads, and driving by one of the plants the other day made him want to jump out of the window to go check the place out.  i asked him if he believed God truly wants the best for him and for us.  scot agreed and i am confident God will provide exactly what is needed.  

i sat tonight and felt simply at peace.  this is good.  there will be other questions and concerns, i seem to always wonder about every detail but find that i am never left out in the cold, that the One who loves me greatest takes care of every need.  scot is a wonderful man.  he will be a fantastic father, already is.  i am truly blessed to know a man such as he.  i long for the marriage, knowing that each step from this moment on is needed and important, and that the time will fly once i look back from the marital side.  

part of me aches to be married.  to live the life i have desired and was denied in my first marriage.  the other part realizes that i must live in the here and now without rushing to another place.  it is vital to continue growing and developing who i am personally and other relationships.  there is truly much to be done in this time between now and marriage.  

the surgery went well.  i have not heard anything about what the lump was found to be, should be an interesting bit of information to find out.  the lower part of my breast is quite pink and i have found that something odd is creeping up the inside, toward the sternum.  tomorrow i will be calling the dr office to see about moving my post op appt up, hoping for tomorrow, to check on what is going on.  i plan on calling and explaining what is going on to see if i need to go in or if it is a normal swelling of tissue.  there is most likely nothing wrong, but i have no idea what is normal from abnormal.  i have chosen to not return to work as the medicine i am taking for pain renders me not as functional as needed to be in the office.  i am not certain whether i would be able to complete an entire day's work either, i may need to do a 1/2 day to see how it goes.  

i have class wednesday night yet have not started.  my sleeping is erratic and i find my good moments do not last long enough to start anything, not really.  i need to contact my new group partner to make certain i am on the same page as he and getting my part completed.  

well that is it for the now.