here i am sitting around. i thought i would update on what is going on, tho i am unsure how far to go back. so i will type in generalities.
i have started school. my focus is psychology. i am rather excited about this season. it is amazing how God put it together and has had me walking the last few steps. i am connecting with a group called oath , i hope to be assisting with the recovery of young adults rescued from trafficking here in oklahoma. it turns out it is quite an endeavor, i am amazed that modern day slavery is such a huge issue. there are a lot of factors to care for and be aware of with this kind of outreach. i will begin the core study in february.
i have gotten myself a guinea pig. he is quite the entertainer, named gilbert by the previous owner. gilbert gives me quite a good amount of laughter when i am home.
i will be going to see my family for the christmas holiday and hope to take gilbert with me. i am checking into the cost and parameters of taking a guinea pig on an airplane. should be quite interesting i would guess. he will be carry on luggage of course so i will need to plan for that. (it is amazing how much crap gets to go with me on a vacation.. nuff said.
umm tonight i am filling in for a gal at work so i get to be @ work a bit later than i prefer. i am pretty tired, but have a nice supper waiting for me so i guess i will go and check it out here in the next few minutes.
k going now :)
have a wonderful night.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
?
like a drug i come to You for my need to get met. and then walk away. do You feel used, as a human would? do You wait in anticipation for my need to overpower me? i guess You would rather me come just because i want to, just because i want You, not because i need my next fix. help me understand this love You are. is it only rebellion that keeps me running?
i have found the greatest in You. acceptance and approval, grace, forgiveness, life, creativity has returned, and healing has taken place. yet i come to You in my weakness and broken, You revive me and i go my own way until i need 'fixed' again. can this cycle end? can i find peace and stay with You because i want to? not because i have to have You...? will You always come after me? will You go to the highway and bi-way looking for me? can i get lost from You? can You forget me or choose another in my place? can i hurt You so that You will finally give up on me and let me go?
i'm sorry. i need a fix....
i have found the greatest in You. acceptance and approval, grace, forgiveness, life, creativity has returned, and healing has taken place. yet i come to You in my weakness and broken, You revive me and i go my own way until i need 'fixed' again. can this cycle end? can i find peace and stay with You because i want to? not because i have to have You...? will You always come after me? will You go to the highway and bi-way looking for me? can i get lost from You? can You forget me or choose another in my place? can i hurt You so that You will finally give up on me and let me go?
i'm sorry. i need a fix....
Monday, November 2, 2009
Positivity
people who are especially talented in the positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. they are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
what makes you stand out?
by nature, you may enhance your own quality of life or sense of well-being. how? perhaps you compliment certain people. maybe you acknowledge the contributions of particular individuals. occasionally you call attention to some of their talents, knowledge, and/or skills. it's very likely that you sometimes notice your quality of life improves when people appreciate your good-matured, even-tempered personality. driven by your talents, you may lavish praise on others. even so, you occasionally suggest how they might do some things better the next time. instinctively, you occasionally sense all is well with the world when people listen attentively to you. you might capture and keep their interest by interpreting the not-so-obvious meanings and inner workings of theories, projects, machines, or procedures. because of your strengths you may feel good about life once you attempt to make sense out of your current situation. perhaps you are a little more optimistic when you figure out why you were or were not given a particular assignment, why some decisions were made, or why certain people behaved the way they did.
absolutely - this all is very true :)
what makes you stand out?
by nature, you may enhance your own quality of life or sense of well-being. how? perhaps you compliment certain people. maybe you acknowledge the contributions of particular individuals. occasionally you call attention to some of their talents, knowledge, and/or skills. it's very likely that you sometimes notice your quality of life improves when people appreciate your good-matured, even-tempered personality. driven by your talents, you may lavish praise on others. even so, you occasionally suggest how they might do some things better the next time. instinctively, you occasionally sense all is well with the world when people listen attentively to you. you might capture and keep their interest by interpreting the not-so-obvious meanings and inner workings of theories, projects, machines, or procedures. because of your strengths you may feel good about life once you attempt to make sense out of your current situation. perhaps you are a little more optimistic when you figure out why you were or were not given a particular assignment, why some decisions were made, or why certain people behaved the way they did.
absolutely - this all is very true :)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Woo
woo?.. really? that is a strength?????!!!
#4
woo - people who are especially talented in the woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over(k that explains a lot..). they derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person (always).
what makes you stand out?
it is very likely that you occasionally exhibit the behavior of an extrovert. perhaps your sociable nature implies you to exert a bit more effort now and then to get certain people to like you. driven by your talents, you may contend there is something worthwhile and perhaps lovable about many people. you attempt to find the good in each person with whom you spend time. you might overlook some negative traits to discover praiseworthy ones (oh yeah, i still seeing such good in people even with all their decisions). you might concentrate on the desirable qualities that distinguish an individual from everyone else. once in a while, you remind others about why you consider someone special. you may hope that one day they can value the person, too. by nature, you boost the spirits of people with your buoyant enjoyment of life. when you walk into a roomful of people, you add energy and optimism. when you depart, the absence of your exuberance and hope-filled outlook is soon noticed (well it would be nice to be told this..). because of your strengths, you often share your ideas, feelings, and experiences. your openness makes it easy for people to figure out who you are (i certainly do try to lay it all out so no one feels confused about me...). they can begin to understand what causes you to think and act the way you do. chances are good that you attempt to surround yourself with thinkers. when you encounter them, you might share a few of your latest theories, concepts, or philosophies. you might place a special value on these conversations. occasionally they might supply you with a new idea or a fresh perspective. perhaps you gather information, store it in your mind, or somehow document it. you may not know at that moment how something you have heard, read, or observed will lead you to another discovery or insight.
#4
woo - people who are especially talented in the woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over(k that explains a lot..). they derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person (always).
what makes you stand out?
it is very likely that you occasionally exhibit the behavior of an extrovert. perhaps your sociable nature implies you to exert a bit more effort now and then to get certain people to like you. driven by your talents, you may contend there is something worthwhile and perhaps lovable about many people. you attempt to find the good in each person with whom you spend time. you might overlook some negative traits to discover praiseworthy ones (oh yeah, i still seeing such good in people even with all their decisions). you might concentrate on the desirable qualities that distinguish an individual from everyone else. once in a while, you remind others about why you consider someone special. you may hope that one day they can value the person, too. by nature, you boost the spirits of people with your buoyant enjoyment of life. when you walk into a roomful of people, you add energy and optimism. when you depart, the absence of your exuberance and hope-filled outlook is soon noticed (well it would be nice to be told this..). because of your strengths, you often share your ideas, feelings, and experiences. your openness makes it easy for people to figure out who you are (i certainly do try to lay it all out so no one feels confused about me...). they can begin to understand what causes you to think and act the way you do. chances are good that you attempt to surround yourself with thinkers. when you encounter them, you might share a few of your latest theories, concepts, or philosophies. you might place a special value on these conversations. occasionally they might supply you with a new idea or a fresh perspective. perhaps you gather information, store it in your mind, or somehow document it. you may not know at that moment how something you have heard, read, or observed will lead you to another discovery or insight.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Communication
number 3 of my strengths from strengthfinder 2.0
communication - people who are especially talented in the communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. they are good conversationalists and presenters
what makes you stand out? - it's very likely that you may have little difficulty finding the right words to express your ideas on specific topics. perhaps you are comfortable talking about ways to make certain people or things better. chances are good that you may be a good talker. in certain situations, you might think of better ways to pose questions, change topics, launch serious discussions, engage in small talk, tell jokes, or describe experiences. driven by your talents, you might admit that you participate in friendly rivalries for fun. usually you are comfortable letting people know what you do and do not value. by nature, you might be able to tell people how certain things function. maybe you describe the basics rather than risk losing your audience in lots of detail. you might share some real-life examples or stories to illustrate key points. perhaps you have little difficulty expressing your ideas. instinctively, you might be able to keep a discussion or small talk moving when you are talking with someone you know on a personal level.
communication - people who are especially talented in the communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. they are good conversationalists and presenters
what makes you stand out? - it's very likely that you may have little difficulty finding the right words to express your ideas on specific topics. perhaps you are comfortable talking about ways to make certain people or things better. chances are good that you may be a good talker. in certain situations, you might think of better ways to pose questions, change topics, launch serious discussions, engage in small talk, tell jokes, or describe experiences. driven by your talents, you might admit that you participate in friendly rivalries for fun. usually you are comfortable letting people know what you do and do not value. by nature, you might be able to tell people how certain things function. maybe you describe the basics rather than risk losing your audience in lots of detail. you might share some real-life examples or stories to illustrate key points. perhaps you have little difficulty expressing your ideas. instinctively, you might be able to keep a discussion or small talk moving when you are talking with someone you know on a personal level.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Adaptability
number two in the strengthfinder 2.0 test:
adaptability
people who are especially talented in the adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." they tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
what makes you stand out? - instinctively, you may trust you can deal with whatever happens. perhaps you rely on your core values to sustain you in the face of uncertainty. the principles by which you live might permit you to accept life's unexpected and unpredictable occurrences. by nature, you may feel best about life when you take time to envision how you might react to future situations. to some degree, forethought helps you adjust to unexpected problems. it sometimes prepares you to take advantage of new opportunities. chances are good that you might say it is easy to be happy and upbeat about life. why? perhaps you deal with situations as they arise. some people may appreciate your willingness to alter the original plan to accommodate their unique needs or last-minute requests. driven by your talents, you occasionally rely on your intuition to make the right decisions as events unfold. it's very likely that you occasionally wait for situations or problems to arise, rather than plan in advance. if something or someone unexpectedly blocks your progress, you might easily find ways to adjust. perhaps sudden changes force you to consider upgrades or tactics you had not thought of earlier.
this makes it sound so good to be adaptable. i tend to see most of these 'strengths' as weaknesses. i would love to know how to revamp myself into the person the strengthfinder 2.0 says i am, yet i feel that too many people i work with see me as they see me and will not change their opinion. it may be an uphill battle. i must do what God leads me to do and He doesn't really care what others say about me, maybe i need to practice that more. my top five strengths make me feel like such a people pleaser. help me use these strengths as You see fit.
adaptability
people who are especially talented in the adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." they tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
what makes you stand out? - instinctively, you may trust you can deal with whatever happens. perhaps you rely on your core values to sustain you in the face of uncertainty. the principles by which you live might permit you to accept life's unexpected and unpredictable occurrences. by nature, you may feel best about life when you take time to envision how you might react to future situations. to some degree, forethought helps you adjust to unexpected problems. it sometimes prepares you to take advantage of new opportunities. chances are good that you might say it is easy to be happy and upbeat about life. why? perhaps you deal with situations as they arise. some people may appreciate your willingness to alter the original plan to accommodate their unique needs or last-minute requests. driven by your talents, you occasionally rely on your intuition to make the right decisions as events unfold. it's very likely that you occasionally wait for situations or problems to arise, rather than plan in advance. if something or someone unexpectedly blocks your progress, you might easily find ways to adjust. perhaps sudden changes force you to consider upgrades or tactics you had not thought of earlier.
this makes it sound so good to be adaptable. i tend to see most of these 'strengths' as weaknesses. i would love to know how to revamp myself into the person the strengthfinder 2.0 says i am, yet i feel that too many people i work with see me as they see me and will not change their opinion. it may be an uphill battle. i must do what God leads me to do and He doesn't really care what others say about me, maybe i need to practice that more. my top five strengths make me feel like such a people pleaser. help me use these strengths as You see fit.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Empathy
we took a test at work to locate our personal strengths and find how we fit together in our team - that was what we were told. it was interesting, i always enjoy learning about myself. keep thinking there is something wrong and bad about me so i search. then i find all these wonderful things.
here is the first of five strengths according to strengthfinder 2.0.
empathy - people who are especially talented in the empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations. what makes me stand out: driven by your talents, you may be enthusiastic about life when individuals trust you enough to share some of their personal thoughts and feelings. chances are good that you long to be befriended by everyone you meet (wow that one can hurt). your intuition helps you distinguish between those who do and do not enjoy your company (and yet i struggle to get them to like me anyway...). typically you figure out who is simply going through the motions of being nice (robert wasn't even going through the motions and it still took me forever to let him go). you can also determine who holds you in high regard (yea i feel quite shaky about that one too - 'specially with robert's actions.). you probably avoid people who hurt your feelings. you choose to spend more time with those who genuinely like you. instinctively, you are aware of people's feelings. this explains why you can let tears stream down your face when you are in the presence of individuals who are suffering or experiencing joy. you have a gift for feeling the depths of another's pain or jubilation. it's very likely that you are filled with awe by beauty in the world, in people, and in the cosmos. whether you gaze upon nature's wonders or marvel at the work of human hands, you are filled with wonder. you can suddenly stop what you are doing to watch a sunset, listen to the rustle of leaves, stand before a work of art, hear a piece of music, look through a telescope, or hold a newborn child (i love this :).). you experience beauty at a level many people cannot imagine (tho i try to introduce them to this beauty around them). once the moment has passed, you can still picture the scene or hear the sound in your memory (i love being able to do this - keeps it alive). because of your strengths, you bring a keen awareness about human behavior to the classroom, laboratory, seminar, playing field, or tutoring session. you spontaneously tune in to what individuals are thinking and feeling minute by minute. these insights are likely to make you a better educator.
hmmmm all that in the title of empathy - i like
here is the first of five strengths according to strengthfinder 2.0.
empathy - people who are especially talented in the empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations. what makes me stand out: driven by your talents, you may be enthusiastic about life when individuals trust you enough to share some of their personal thoughts and feelings. chances are good that you long to be befriended by everyone you meet (wow that one can hurt). your intuition helps you distinguish between those who do and do not enjoy your company (and yet i struggle to get them to like me anyway...). typically you figure out who is simply going through the motions of being nice (robert wasn't even going through the motions and it still took me forever to let him go). you can also determine who holds you in high regard (yea i feel quite shaky about that one too - 'specially with robert's actions.). you probably avoid people who hurt your feelings. you choose to spend more time with those who genuinely like you. instinctively, you are aware of people's feelings. this explains why you can let tears stream down your face when you are in the presence of individuals who are suffering or experiencing joy. you have a gift for feeling the depths of another's pain or jubilation. it's very likely that you are filled with awe by beauty in the world, in people, and in the cosmos. whether you gaze upon nature's wonders or marvel at the work of human hands, you are filled with wonder. you can suddenly stop what you are doing to watch a sunset, listen to the rustle of leaves, stand before a work of art, hear a piece of music, look through a telescope, or hold a newborn child (i love this :).). you experience beauty at a level many people cannot imagine (tho i try to introduce them to this beauty around them). once the moment has passed, you can still picture the scene or hear the sound in your memory (i love being able to do this - keeps it alive). because of your strengths, you bring a keen awareness about human behavior to the classroom, laboratory, seminar, playing field, or tutoring session. you spontaneously tune in to what individuals are thinking and feeling minute by minute. these insights are likely to make you a better educator.
hmmmm all that in the title of empathy - i like
A Look Inside - Who Knew?
wow this week has been hard.
i made it through april 2nd. but it caught up with me and sunday was real hard.
i have been reading a book based on the story of hosea and gomer called redeeming love (francine rivers). (the story of hosea and gomer can be found in the bible in the book of hosea.) the book has a beautiful and heart sickening story. when i read the account in redeeming love i began to FEEL.
i read the descriptions of the woman's feelings and felt what she was feeling. when she is trying to scrub herself clean i burst into tears - all sorts of emotions and beliefs i thought i dealt with long ago, things i had no idea were there, the deepest longings and desires of my heart.
sunday morning i spent the entire worship service with sobs racking my body. the longing to be clean. the desire to be wanted and hope i can have a beautiful future.
sure it is easy to know in my head how to behave and believe but so hard when the heart is tearing apart and broken.
i finished the novel last night. i continue seeking God, my hope and my light in this dark and tragic place. the Lover of my soul wants me to understand His love and perfect will for my life so i ask Him to help me get there. i had no idea life would be so hard and unfair.
i refuse to stuff anymore. there is no where i can go to get away from this pain and heartache.
God provides the laughter and hope through my tears. He takes me in His strong, safe arms and comforts my bleeding heart. He listens to my cries and pain, He has saved each tear - none have fallen that He did not collect. He is intimately aware of me.
how i long for this season to be complete, to see the healing and the final scene, yet i must wait until it is finished. there is so much to do.
maybe this sounds like rambling, my thoughts are often confused with the stress and lack of care i have for myself. there is so much going on right now, in me, around me, through me. still, i know God is at work.
strange. He is at work everywhere and yet also completely with me all throughout the days and nights. i have never experienced anyone so aware of me before, it is wonderful and scary all at once.
i am finding that i am part of other's lives. He is doing that, somehow He thinks i am wonderful and wants others to know me. how did that happen? how did i become wanted? by Him or others?
He is inviting me to be part of something. i did not think i could be anything (the ache is great) - that unclean place again. i did not realize i felt so dirty and impossibly unclean. i experienced so many judgments passed by people who did not know me or want to know me. there were many situations where there was no acceptance. have we not all experienced this??
even so many judgments i passed on others myself. cruel how we deal with our hurt.
somewhere here i am coming to the conclusion that we are all the same - we hurt and bleed, we cover it up and destroy ourselves and others, we cannot do this thing called life by ourselves. we need a Savior. we need a love that goes into us and does not leave us feeling destroyed or raped. we need acceptance right where we are. we just want to be liked for who we are - whenever we discover who we are, really.
i made it through april 2nd. but it caught up with me and sunday was real hard.
i have been reading a book based on the story of hosea and gomer called redeeming love (francine rivers). (the story of hosea and gomer can be found in the bible in the book of hosea.) the book has a beautiful and heart sickening story. when i read the account in redeeming love i began to FEEL.
i read the descriptions of the woman's feelings and felt what she was feeling. when she is trying to scrub herself clean i burst into tears - all sorts of emotions and beliefs i thought i dealt with long ago, things i had no idea were there, the deepest longings and desires of my heart.
sunday morning i spent the entire worship service with sobs racking my body. the longing to be clean. the desire to be wanted and hope i can have a beautiful future.
sure it is easy to know in my head how to behave and believe but so hard when the heart is tearing apart and broken.
i finished the novel last night. i continue seeking God, my hope and my light in this dark and tragic place. the Lover of my soul wants me to understand His love and perfect will for my life so i ask Him to help me get there. i had no idea life would be so hard and unfair.
i refuse to stuff anymore. there is no where i can go to get away from this pain and heartache.
God provides the laughter and hope through my tears. He takes me in His strong, safe arms and comforts my bleeding heart. He listens to my cries and pain, He has saved each tear - none have fallen that He did not collect. He is intimately aware of me.
how i long for this season to be complete, to see the healing and the final scene, yet i must wait until it is finished. there is so much to do.
maybe this sounds like rambling, my thoughts are often confused with the stress and lack of care i have for myself. there is so much going on right now, in me, around me, through me. still, i know God is at work.
strange. He is at work everywhere and yet also completely with me all throughout the days and nights. i have never experienced anyone so aware of me before, it is wonderful and scary all at once.
i am finding that i am part of other's lives. He is doing that, somehow He thinks i am wonderful and wants others to know me. how did that happen? how did i become wanted? by Him or others?
He is inviting me to be part of something. i did not think i could be anything (the ache is great) - that unclean place again. i did not realize i felt so dirty and impossibly unclean. i experienced so many judgments passed by people who did not know me or want to know me. there were many situations where there was no acceptance. have we not all experienced this??
even so many judgments i passed on others myself. cruel how we deal with our hurt.
somewhere here i am coming to the conclusion that we are all the same - we hurt and bleed, we cover it up and destroy ourselves and others, we cannot do this thing called life by ourselves. we need a Savior. we need a love that goes into us and does not leave us feeling destroyed or raped. we need acceptance right where we are. we just want to be liked for who we are - whenever we discover who we are, really.
American Capitalism Gone Without A Whimper
American capitalism gone with a whimper
27.04.2009 Source: Pravda.Ru URL: http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/107459-american_capitalism-0
It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American decent into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed, against the back drop of a passive, hapless sheeple, excuse me dear reader, I meant people.
True, the situation has been well prepared on and off for the past century, especially the past twenty years. The initial testing grounds was conducted upon our Holy Russia and a bloody test it was. But we Russians would not just roll over and give up our freedoms and our souls, no matter how much money Wall Street poured into the fists of the Marxists.
Those lessons were taken and used to properly prepare the American populace for the surrender of their freedoms and souls, to the whims of their elites and betters.
First, the population was dumbed down through a politicized and substandard education system based on pop culture, rather then the classics. Americans know more about their favorite TV dramas then the drama in DC that directly affects their lives. They care more for their "right" to choke down a McDonalds burger or a BurgerKing burger than for their constitutional rights. Then they turn around and lecture us about our rights and about our "democracy". Pride blind the foolish.
Then their faith in God was destroyed, until their churches, all tens of thousands of different "branches and denominations" were for the most part little more then Sunday circuses and their televangelists and top protestant mega preachers were more then happy to sell out their souls and flocks to be on the "winning" side of one pseudo Marxist politician or another. Their flocks may complain, but when explained that they would be on the "winning" side, their flocks were ever so quick to reject Christ in hopes for earthly power. Even our Holy Orthodox churches are scandalously liberalized in America.
The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His speed in the past three months has been truly impressive. His spending and money printing has been a record setting, not just in America's short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more then another year, and there is no sign that it will not, America at best will resemble the Wiemar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.
These past two weeks have been the most breath taking of all. First came the announcement of a planned redesign of the American Byzantine tax system, by the very thieves who used it to bankroll their thefts, loses and swindles of hundreds of billions of dollars. These make our Russian oligarchs look little more then ordinary street thugs, in comparison. Yes, the Americans have beat our own thieves in the shear volumes. Should we congratulate them?
These men, of course, are not an elected panel but made up of appointees picked from the very financial oligarchs and their henchmen who are now gorging themselves on trillions of American dollars, in one bailout after another. They are also usurping the rights, duties and powers of the American congress (parliament). Again, congress has put up little more then a whimper to their masters.
Then came Barack Obama's command that GM's (General Motor) president step down from leadership of his company. That is correct, dear reader, in the land of "pure" free markets, the American president now has the power, the self given power, to fire CEOs and we can assume other employees of private companies, at will. Come hither, go dither, the centurion commands his minions.
So it should be no surprise, that the American president has followed this up with a "bold" move of declaring that he and another group of unelected, chosen stooges will now redesign the entire automotive industry and will even be the guarantee of automobile policies. I am sure that if given the chance, they would happily try and redesign it for the whole of the world, too. Prime Minister Putin, less then two months ago, warned Obama and UK's Blair, not to follow the path to Marxism, it only leads to disaster. Apparently, even though we suffered 70 years of this Western sponsored horror show, we know nothing, as foolish, drunken Russians, so let our "wise" Anglo-Saxon fools find out the folly of their own pride.
Again, the American public has taken this with barely a whimper...but a "freeman" whimper.
So, should it be any surprise to discover that the Democratically controlled Congress of America is working on passing a new regulation that would give the American Treasury department the power to set "fair" maximum salaries, evaluate performance and control how private companies give out pay raises and bonuses? Senator Barney Franks, a social pervert basking in his homosexuality (of course, amongst the modern, enlightened American societal norm, as well as that of the general West, homosexuality is not only not a looked down upon life choice, but is often praised as a virtue) and his Marxist enlightenment, has led this effort. He stresses that this only affects companies that receive government monies, but it is retroactive and taken to a logical extreme, this would include any company or industry that has ever received a tax break or incentive.
The Russian owners of American companies and industries should look thoughtfully at this and the option of closing their facilities down and fleeing the land of the Red as fast as possible. In other words, divest while there is still value left.
The proud American will go down into his slavery with out a fight, beating his chest and proclaiming to the world, how free he really is. The world will only snicker.
Stanislav Mishin
The article has been reprinted with the kind permission from the author and originally appears on his blog, Mat Rodina
© 1999-2009. «PRAVDA.Ru». When reproducing our materials in whole or in part, hyperlink to PRAVDA.Ru should be made. The opinions and views of the authors do not always coincide with the point of view of PRAVDA.Ru's editors.
[LiveInternet: показано число просмотров и посетителей за 24 часа] Rambler's Top100 Рейтинг@Mail.ru
http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/107459-1/#
27.04.2009 Source: Pravda.Ru URL: http://english.pravda.ru/o
It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American decent into Marxism is happening with breath taking speed, against the back drop of a passive, hapless sheeple, excuse me dear reader, I meant people.
True, the situation has been well prepared on and off for the past century, especially the past twenty years. The initial testing grounds was conducted upon our Holy Russia and a bloody test it was. But we Russians would not just roll over and give up our freedoms and our souls, no matter how much money Wall Street poured into the fists of the Marxists.
Those lessons were taken and used to properly prepare the American populace for the surrender of their freedoms and souls, to the whims of their elites and betters.
First, the population was dumbed down through a politicized and substandard education system based on pop culture, rather then the classics. Americans know more about their favorite TV dramas then the drama in DC that directly affects their lives. They care more for their "right" to choke down a McDonalds burger or a BurgerKing burger than for their constitutional rights. Then they turn around and lecture us about our rights and about our "democracy". Pride blind the foolish.
Then their faith in God was destroyed, until their churches, all tens of thousands of different "branches and denominations" were for the most part little more then Sunday circuses and their televangelists and top protestant mega preachers were more then happy to sell out their souls and flocks to be on the "winning" side of one pseudo Marxist politician or another. Their flocks may complain, but when explained that they would be on the "winning" side, their flocks were ever so quick to reject Christ in hopes for earthly power. Even our Holy Orthodox churches are scandalously liberalized in America.
The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His speed in the past three months has been truly impressive. His spending and money printing has been a record setting, not just in America's short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more then another year, and there is no sign that it will not, America at best will resemble the Wiemar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.
These past two weeks have been the most breath taking of all. First came the announcement of a planned redesign of the American Byzantine tax system, by the very thieves who used it to bankroll their thefts, loses and swindles of hundreds of billions of dollars. These make our Russian oligarchs look little more then ordinary street thugs, in comparison. Yes, the Americans have beat our own thieves in the shear volumes. Should we congratulate them?
These men, of course, are not an elected panel but made up of appointees picked from the very financial oligarchs and their henchmen who are now gorging themselves on trillions of American dollars, in one bailout after another. They are also usurping the rights, duties and powers of the American congress (parliament). Again, congress has put up little more then a whimper to their masters.
Then came Barack Obama's command that GM's (General Motor) president step down from leadership of his company. That is correct, dear reader, in the land of "pure" free markets, the American president now has the power, the self given power, to fire CEOs and we can assume other employees of private companies, at will. Come hither, go dither, the centurion commands his minions.
So it should be no surprise, that the American president has followed this up with a "bold" move of declaring that he and another group of unelected, chosen stooges will now redesign the entire automotive industry and will even be the guarantee of automobile policies. I am sure that if given the chance, they would happily try and redesign it for the whole of the world, too. Prime Minister Putin, less then two months ago, warned Obama and UK's Blair, not to follow the path to Marxism, it only leads to disaster. Apparently, even though we suffered 70 years of this Western sponsored horror show, we know nothing, as foolish, drunken Russians, so let our "wise" Anglo-Saxon fools find out the folly of their own pride.
Again, the American public has taken this with barely a whimper...but a "freeman" whimper.
So, should it be any surprise to discover that the Democratically controlled Congress of America is working on passing a new regulation that would give the American Treasury department the power to set "fair" maximum salaries, evaluate performance and control how private companies give out pay raises and bonuses? Senator Barney Franks, a social pervert basking in his homosexuality (of course, amongst the modern, enlightened American societal norm, as well as that of the general West, homosexuality is not only not a looked down upon life choice, but is often praised as a virtue) and his Marxist enlightenment, has led this effort. He stresses that this only affects companies that receive government monies, but it is retroactive and taken to a logical extreme, this would include any company or industry that has ever received a tax break or incentive.
The Russian owners of American companies and industries should look thoughtfully at this and the option of closing their facilities down and fleeing the land of the Red as fast as possible. In other words, divest while there is still value left.
The proud American will go down into his slavery with out a fight, beating his chest and proclaiming to the world, how free he really is. The world will only snicker.
Stanislav Mishin
The article has been reprinted with the kind permission from the author and originally appears on his blog, Mat Rodina
© 1999-2009. «PRAVDA.Ru». When reproducing our materials in whole or in part, hyperlink to PRAVDA.Ru should be made. The opinions and views of the authors do not always coincide with the point of view of PRAVDA.Ru's editors.
[LiveInternet: показано число просмотров и посетителей за 24 часа] Rambler's Top100 Рейтинг@Mail.ru
http://english.pravda.ru/o
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Help Me
i am surprised - tho most likely should not be so - how quickly hurt comes as i look through photos and lives of other people. too often i see smiling faces, children, photo comments - all these leading me to believe there is a happy life out there.
and i am jealous. i so desire life to work. relationships that are good for one another. children.
God is good. His desire is for me to have life that has meaning. each relationship to be good for all involved. He too desires that i have children around. He alone can grant these desires and give me what i will require for each moment of them.
Papa, help me. forgive me, i doubt Your good intentions all too often. i release You from my idea of timing and what is best for myself. heal what has become from my expectations. clear out the disappointments and failures. turn around all that was meant to destroy me, bring me to life.
this pain of not having what i so desire at this stage of my life. redeem the time, Abba. take me beyond what i have known - beyond my experiences. love me through this place. heal my heart and help me love those who have been used against me.
aggghhhh i hate this feeling stuff. i feel like i am tearing apart inside. smiling when i want to cry, crying when i want to be numb. choosing to numb out and run from You when running to You will bring my heart to peace and calm my fear for the present and future.
somehow help me focus on the glorious future You have in store.
and i am jealous. i so desire life to work. relationships that are good for one another. children.
God is good. His desire is for me to have life that has meaning. each relationship to be good for all involved. He too desires that i have children around. He alone can grant these desires and give me what i will require for each moment of them.
Papa, help me. forgive me, i doubt Your good intentions all too often. i release You from my idea of timing and what is best for myself. heal what has become from my expectations. clear out the disappointments and failures. turn around all that was meant to destroy me, bring me to life.
this pain of not having what i so desire at this stage of my life. redeem the time, Abba. take me beyond what i have known - beyond my experiences. love me through this place. heal my heart and help me love those who have been used against me.
aggghhhh i hate this feeling stuff. i feel like i am tearing apart inside. smiling when i want to cry, crying when i want to be numb. choosing to numb out and run from You when running to You will bring my heart to peace and calm my fear for the present and future.
somehow help me focus on the glorious future You have in store.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Been Forever
k i admit it has been forever since i last picked up my keyboard and started pecking at it. tho i will blame life happenings and sitting at a computer doing computer things day in and day out. really it got off my priority list.
here is a shock for those that don't already know... (if anyone is still reading this blog..)
robert and i are getting divorced. long story that happened faster than i thought it could . i feel it was a bad decision on robert's part, but only because God has majorly worked in my heart and mind. i sure miss having him around, i always missed having him around. never got to be the friend thing, probably what hampered much of our life together. well and many things i simply will not know about - possibly ever.
God will take everything meant for evil and turn it around. i never thought that i would have a divorce - totally against all i wanted and hoped for. yet God brought me to the place where i have found identity, hope, future, and my personal relationship with Jesus more intimate than i could have believed. i wish robert was here in this journey with me o how i wish that were the case, it is not so at this time so i will continue on with Him - the One that is in love with me and wants my love in return. i can not love with out Him. i love robert because of Him and trust that He will draw my husband into His amazing - ness. i am very sad at this relationship falling through, yet i know that God is amazing and has a wonderful plan for us both. so if there is a future for us or not, i don't need to worry. just let Him heal the disappointment and lead me into the future. and i will let go.....
moving on a bit:
recently i have found that oklahoma is 4th in child trafficking. that is in putting children into the sex industry. blew me out of the water. within the 'bible belt' we are #4.
after chatting with a co-worker it hit me that all this healing God has been doing in my life can be channeled into working with child recovery. i delight in coloring and playing on the floor with children - play therapy. children want to trust, by putting God into my interaction i will have the grace and mercy to deal with personal rejection from a child that simply cannot accept or know love at that moment. God has this amazing way of dealing with us when we are hurting or angry and He so wants to put His arms around us but we won't let Him. He is the perfect instructor for this journey.
so i am going to the conference in tulsa to begin learning what it will take to be involved in rescuing children. info on the conference here. not a quick journey, yet looking back over the past three years with this divorce i am amazed at how God redeems time, and i will get to experience the unimaginable. He is so good.
on a corresponding vein - i am starting school. wow - never thought this would come.
i begin classes at oklahoma wesleyan university in a few weeks - maybe sooner not sure yet. and it has been amazing at how quickly God has put this together. i decided last week to do classes. now i am about to be enrolled and in class. wow - head is still spinning.
emily - my advisor - is at present working on a course of study plan for me. i will sign it and then be officially enrolled to get my associate of applied science in early childhood education. from there i plan to get into the licensure process and schooling necessary for working with children rescued from the sex slave industry. wow - this world is so corrupt.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
My Weekend Project
project for this weekend: paint a table lamp. how it is going: slower than molasses. i forgot to get before picts but hope to grab some after to show you all.
i have painted the shade brown - using some acrylic paint, and the base i am painting green - spray paint. the prep for a 'clean painting zone' was interesting - we all know how good i am at prepping a room lol. ahh well, we shall see.
i have actually been doing this for several days now. (allowing for plenty of drying time i am sure.. )
well back to another coat..
i have painted the shade brown - using some acrylic paint, and the base i am painting green - spray paint. the prep for a 'clean painting zone' was interesting - we all know how good i am at prepping a room lol. ahh well, we shall see.
i have actually been doing this for several days now. (allowing for plenty of drying time i am sure.. )
well back to another coat..
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Not Sure What This Is About
it is hard to 'put down on paper' when i am so blah. been feeling deeply about so much that it simply wears me to the edge.
i am really quite numb now. it feels late and i should pbly go to bed - tho i have laundry that needs to be switched.
i like my new space, just have to take time and spend it getting to know God's heart for me. don't know why that is so difficult. time with Him turns out wonderful.
was talking to roselene about it yesterday. it is so hard to admit i am in need. i don't know why - we are all in need, it is the human condition. :) welcome to planet earth.
i want to put something amazing in this note, but i don't know that i have anything really. i feel deep hurt and rejection. i feel breaking and deep loss. i hurt and i don't like it. i hate living with another's choice - something that rubs me raw. bitterness is close by - actually might be in residence in this new place. so i will crawl up into Daddy's arms where i am safe, and ask Him to help me in this moment, in this pain. i need His sacrifice, i need the blood to wash away this stuff. and after i have cried myself out i will remind me of what He says about me - His beloved (even in the midst of my sinful self)
i am His treasure, one that He loves with all His heart. He is for my good always and does not point out what is hidden to shame or hurt me. Abba is good and there can be none like Him. there can be none before Him. i have found safety in Him. i have found 'belong' - in Him, to Him, with Him. i find a reason to live and explore again. where i hurt i see He has been busy binding my wounds and bringing wholeness. He is my Creator, i His created. i have never known love like this.
God may this season of pain bring healing to others as You so graciously care for me. help me will to run into Your arms, find my being in You. closer than my breath, You wrap me into You. here is me.
i am really quite numb now. it feels late and i should pbly go to bed - tho i have laundry that needs to be switched.
i like my new space, just have to take time and spend it getting to know God's heart for me. don't know why that is so difficult. time with Him turns out wonderful.
was talking to roselene about it yesterday. it is so hard to admit i am in need. i don't know why - we are all in need, it is the human condition. :) welcome to planet earth.
i want to put something amazing in this note, but i don't know that i have anything really. i feel deep hurt and rejection. i feel breaking and deep loss. i hurt and i don't like it. i hate living with another's choice - something that rubs me raw. bitterness is close by - actually might be in residence in this new place. so i will crawl up into Daddy's arms where i am safe, and ask Him to help me in this moment, in this pain. i need His sacrifice, i need the blood to wash away this stuff. and after i have cried myself out i will remind me of what He says about me - His beloved (even in the midst of my sinful self)
i am His treasure, one that He loves with all His heart. He is for my good always and does not point out what is hidden to shame or hurt me. Abba is good and there can be none like Him. there can be none before Him. i have found safety in Him. i have found 'belong' - in Him, to Him, with Him. i find a reason to live and explore again. where i hurt i see He has been busy binding my wounds and bringing wholeness. He is my Creator, i His created. i have never known love like this.
God may this season of pain bring healing to others as You so graciously care for me. help me will to run into Your arms, find my being in You. closer than my breath, You wrap me into You. here is me.
Monday, July 13, 2009
You Reap What You Sow
the following is an email sent to me and i do not know who the author is. it is however a beautiful reminder of God's greatness.
You Reap What You Sow
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go.. I didn't want to come here in the first place."
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."
"Oh."
The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving.. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee."
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!
The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...
You Reap What You Sow
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go.. I didn't want to come here in the first place."
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."
"Oh."
The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving.. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee."
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!
The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I'm Being Rescued
it is funny how life takes the twists and turns one would not expect. God so thoroughly takes care of everything but i can say i am not necessarily happy with the way He is doing the caring - at least while i am in the midst of it all.
He works in such a caring way, and now i can look back a few months and know that He had me the entire time. He was leading and guiding, not like i wanted, but it is being done and i am so throughly cared for during the process.
i now see this situation as being my rescue. i had no idea that life would bring me to this place. i marvel at the steps taken to get here. i am broken and put back together, only better. i love and hate this place i am in, all at once.
i can't possibly understand other decisions that had nothing to do with me, and yet there is a reality of the choices i made and God loved me in them and through them. i am not innocent in myself, Jesus has made that possible. i ache for the other trapped in the decisions made and holding them hostage, yet know that God sees them and is doing what is needed to bring restoration to them also. His love is so great!!
nope not how i expected or hoped.
one night as i sat journalling i had the following conversation:
'Papa, i so wanted a man to come along and find me.' (it was as if i could see Jesus behind and to my left, He didn't say anything but i knew He was "signalling" that He was that man i desperately sought..)
'i know but the man was going to come and rescue me from hell, my hell, this life of hell.' (again in the background i could just see Jesus, making no moves, but i knew He was that man who died so i could be saved from a life of torment and eternity in hell.)
'yes, but he would be faithful, love me like no other, and never leave me. he would be all i wanted and needed.' (by now maybe you can see where this is going... again there was Jesus in the background as if to say that He was that exact desire in the flesh..)
'okay, okay. but in the flesh, made of flesh...' (again YEP - that was Him)
'but You didn't do it how i expected it. yes You are all i want, the very Man i desired and longed for - You came just for me, to rescue me from hell, be faithful, never leave me, and love me as no one else could hope to.. You even came in the flesh so that i could know You as real'
'but I didn't do it the way you expected. Sweetest love, I rarely do what you expect as you expect it to be. yet I AM all you need and all you wanted. I answered the cry of that little heart just exactly as you needed. I am your completeness.'
so here He is again.
my Rescue.
not even close to how i hoped it would happen, yet it is exactly what i need. i am so scared - except when i concentrate on His LOVE. see perfect love (Him) casts out all fear, 'cuz when i know He can only be for what is best in my life then i can trust and let go knowing He will get me where i need - even if i don't like the steps.
somehow the journey will get me where He wants me to be, and that will be the fulfilment of my life, He is my Creator after all.
He works in such a caring way, and now i can look back a few months and know that He had me the entire time. He was leading and guiding, not like i wanted, but it is being done and i am so throughly cared for during the process.
i now see this situation as being my rescue. i had no idea that life would bring me to this place. i marvel at the steps taken to get here. i am broken and put back together, only better. i love and hate this place i am in, all at once.
i can't possibly understand other decisions that had nothing to do with me, and yet there is a reality of the choices i made and God loved me in them and through them. i am not innocent in myself, Jesus has made that possible. i ache for the other trapped in the decisions made and holding them hostage, yet know that God sees them and is doing what is needed to bring restoration to them also. His love is so great!!
nope not how i expected or hoped.
one night as i sat journalling i had the following conversation:
'Papa, i so wanted a man to come along and find me.' (it was as if i could see Jesus behind and to my left, He didn't say anything but i knew He was "signalling" that He was that man i desperately sought..)
'i know but the man was going to come and rescue me from hell, my hell, this life of hell.' (again in the background i could just see Jesus, making no moves, but i knew He was that man who died so i could be saved from a life of torment and eternity in hell.)
'yes, but he would be faithful, love me like no other, and never leave me. he would be all i wanted and needed.' (by now maybe you can see where this is going... again there was Jesus in the background as if to say that He was that exact desire in the flesh..)
'okay, okay. but in the flesh, made of flesh...' (again YEP - that was Him)
'but You didn't do it how i expected it. yes You are all i want, the very Man i desired and longed for - You came just for me, to rescue me from hell, be faithful, never leave me, and love me as no one else could hope to.. You even came in the flesh so that i could know You as real'
'but I didn't do it the way you expected. Sweetest love, I rarely do what you expect as you expect it to be. yet I AM all you need and all you wanted. I answered the cry of that little heart just exactly as you needed. I am your completeness.'
so here He is again.
my Rescue.
not even close to how i hoped it would happen, yet it is exactly what i need. i am so scared - except when i concentrate on His LOVE. see perfect love (Him) casts out all fear, 'cuz when i know He can only be for what is best in my life then i can trust and let go knowing He will get me where i need - even if i don't like the steps.
somehow the journey will get me where He wants me to be, and that will be the fulfilment of my life, He is my Creator after all.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can't Finish
it is the day after celebrating our nation's independence. (side note - had a great weekend) i am feeling pretty melancholy. i look around and see all these stacks of items needing a place to land. and i am a bit overwhelmed. i'm probably too tired to be dealing with all this right now and sure could use some down time in my Father's presence. He seems to change the scenery and take me to a place of rest, something sleep doesn't guarantee. i am tired and feel pretty alone right now.
think i will go give some time to Him and then come back.
think i will go give some time to Him and then come back.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Good To Know
i agree with the following in that during the toughest points of life i can find the sweetest to savor. God amazingly cares for us when it looks like our world will fall apart. each time i have put my eyes on Him and reminded myself that He loves me so deeply and perfectly i find peace that my life matters and is in good hands. when my eyes are on my situation and how much it stinks then i feel that overwhelming 'nothing can happen for my good and i am not going to get out of this pain' place. life does make sense when i am in the 'i was made for Him and am able to give to others.' place.
the following is from an email i received:
'New insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: "'People ask me, What is the purpose of life?'And I respond: 'In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity..
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.'"
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD...
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD..
HE ARRIVED THIS MORNING, WE HAD PRAYER; SPENT SOME TIME JUST TALKING, AND HE HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A BAD MORNING.. THEN, HE LET ME KNOW HE WAS AT YOUR PLACE TOO.
the following is from an email i received:
'New insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: "'People ask me, What is the purpose of life?'And I respond: 'In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity..
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.'"
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD...
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD..
HE ARRIVED THIS MORNING, WE HAD PRAYER; SPENT SOME TIME JUST TALKING, AND HE HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A BAD MORNING.. THEN, HE LET ME KNOW HE WAS AT YOUR PLACE TOO.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Broken By Lifehouse
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on,(I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Broken by Lifehouse
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on,(I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Broken by Lifehouse
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A Point In Your Life.....
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
what matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore,
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from you past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
http://crazydaisy.typepad.com/.a/6a010534afd290970c01156f1fa229970c-pi
what matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore,
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from you past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
http://crazydaisy.typepad.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Checking In
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
What Choice Is There Now?
Can't eat pork, Swine flu...
Can't eat chicken, Bird flu.
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow....
Can't eat eggs, Salmonella.
Can't eat fish, heavy metal poisons in their waters.
Can't eat fruits and veggies, insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't eat chicken, Bird flu.
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow....
Can't eat eggs, Salmonella.
Can't eat fish, heavy metal poisons in their waters.
Can't eat fruits and veggies, insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A Bit Of 'Ology' About Me
Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology".
***********FOODOLOGY***************
What is your salad dressing of choice? Cesar
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Panera
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? piece of chocolate
What are your pizza toppings of choice? jalapeños and whatever
What do you like to put on your toast? butter baby
***********TECHNOLOGY***************
How many televisions are in your house? ? not sure anymore
What color cell phone do you have? silver base that has 'play clothes'
Do you have an Ipod? not yet…
***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed? right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? toenail, wisdom teeth, think that covers it – oh hair
What is the last heavy item you lifted? campus mail
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? only knocked for a loop – is that the same?
************DUMBOLOGY******************
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 2
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? 2002 left car at airport while dropping off my grandmother at the airport
Last person you talked to? kent – he just told me he was leaving
Last person you hugged? charity
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season? spring,fall,summer,winter – umm ALL of them
Holiday? what is a holiday?
Day of the week? Friday
Month? umm all of them
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
Missing someone? always
Mood? sad – that missing someone question – why put this AFTER that question??
What are you listening to? Pandora Radio – Beautiful disaster by Jon McLaughlin
Watching? the cursor moving along the page
Worrying about? not much – too much to do for worrying right now.
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
First place you went this morning? bathroom – great place for peace and quiet ;)
What's the last movie you saw? fast and furious ;)
Do you smile often? oh yes!!!
***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************
1) Do you always answer your phone? not always
2) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it from? no clue I slept through it
3) If you could change your eye color what would it be? purple
3b) If you could change your hair color, what color would you change it to? umm I change it often enough that I don’t have the problem with ‘if you could’
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? don’t drink anything from sonic…..
5) Do you own a digital camera? no
6) Have you ever had a pet fish? no
7) Favorite Christmas song(s)? carol of the bells
8) What's on your wish list for your birthday? anything tyler perry made
9) Can you do push ups? yes
10) Can you do a chin up? it is a team effort.
11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? a little of both
12) Do you have any saved texts? yes
13) Ever been in a car wreck? yes
14) Do you have an accent? often – depends on how tired I am
15) What is the last song to make you cry? um all songs make me cry
16) Plans tonight? church – probably will cry there too
17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yes, so many times and there are new depths. I am so thankful for a loving Savior
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I did not buy anything yesterday – my card is new and I did not have it ‘turned on’…
19) Have you ever been given roses? I am sure I have since high school but cannot remember the last time…. and I love roses
20) Current worry? if my future is as good as God keeps saying it is
21) Current hate right now? feeling so broken
22) Met someone who changed your life? Jesus is my life changer
23) How did you bring in the New Year? watched some dvds and went to bed around 10pm
24) What song represents you? too many to count
25) Name three people who might complete this? Stephanie, Miranda, hmmm not sure who else
26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? yes, wouldn’t we all? Tho I would not be finding the strength I am now.
27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? yes
28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings? not yet…
29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? not sure on that one either
30) Does anyone love you? yes
31) Would you be a pirate? you betcha
32) What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever comes to mind, mostly made-up stuff.
33) Ever had someone sing to you? probably when I was very young
34) When did you last cry? this morning
36) Do you like to cuddle? absolutely
37) Have you held hands with anyone today? no, not for a very very very long time
38) Who was the last person you took a picture of? marni
39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? not sure – that was a long time ago
40 Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects? probably a bad idea right now
41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old? most are new, tho there are several who keep hanging on with me
42) Do you like pulpy orange juice? no feels like there are weird things going down my throat
43) What is something your friends make fun of you for? snorting when I laugh
44) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no would put a limit on me
45) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I like my name and the meaning. My parents asked God what to name me
46) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? y not… that is a lot of money.
***********FOODOLOGY***************
What is your salad dressing of choice? Cesar
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Panera
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? piece of chocolate
What are your pizza toppings of choice? jalapeños and whatever
What do you like to put on your toast? butter baby
***********TECHNOLOGY***************
How many televisions are in your house? ? not sure anymore
What color cell phone do you have? silver base that has 'play clothes'
Do you have an Ipod? not yet…
***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed? right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? toenail, wisdom teeth, think that covers it – oh hair
What is the last heavy item you lifted? campus mail
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? only knocked for a loop – is that the same?
************DUMBOLOGY******************
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 2
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? 2002 left car at airport while dropping off my grandmother at the airport
Last person you talked to? kent – he just told me he was leaving
Last person you hugged? charity
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season? spring,fall,summer,winter – umm ALL of them
Holiday? what is a holiday?
Day of the week? Friday
Month? umm all of them
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
Missing someone? always
Mood? sad – that missing someone question – why put this AFTER that question??
What are you listening to? Pandora Radio – Beautiful disaster by Jon McLaughlin
Watching? the cursor moving along the page
Worrying about? not much – too much to do for worrying right now.
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
First place you went this morning? bathroom – great place for peace and quiet ;)
What's the last movie you saw? fast and furious ;)
Do you smile often? oh yes!!!
***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************
1) Do you always answer your phone? not always
2) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it from? no clue I slept through it
3) If you could change your eye color what would it be? purple
3b) If you could change your hair color, what color would you change it to? umm I change it often enough that I don’t have the problem with ‘if you could’
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? don’t drink anything from sonic…..
5) Do you own a digital camera? no
6) Have you ever had a pet fish? no
7) Favorite Christmas song(s)? carol of the bells
8) What's on your wish list for your birthday? anything tyler perry made
9) Can you do push ups? yes
10) Can you do a chin up? it is a team effort.
11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? a little of both
12) Do you have any saved texts? yes
13) Ever been in a car wreck? yes
14) Do you have an accent? often – depends on how tired I am
15) What is the last song to make you cry? um all songs make me cry
16) Plans tonight? church – probably will cry there too
17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yes, so many times and there are new depths. I am so thankful for a loving Savior
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I did not buy anything yesterday – my card is new and I did not have it ‘turned on’…
19) Have you ever been given roses? I am sure I have since high school but cannot remember the last time…. and I love roses
20) Current worry? if my future is as good as God keeps saying it is
21) Current hate right now? feeling so broken
22) Met someone who changed your life? Jesus is my life changer
23) How did you bring in the New Year? watched some dvds and went to bed around 10pm
24) What song represents you? too many to count
25) Name three people who might complete this? Stephanie, Miranda, hmmm not sure who else
26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? yes, wouldn’t we all? Tho I would not be finding the strength I am now.
27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? yes
28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings? not yet…
29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? not sure on that one either
30) Does anyone love you? yes
31) Would you be a pirate? you betcha
32) What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever comes to mind, mostly made-up stuff.
33) Ever had someone sing to you? probably when I was very young
34) When did you last cry? this morning
36) Do you like to cuddle? absolutely
37) Have you held hands with anyone today? no, not for a very very very long time
38) Who was the last person you took a picture of? marni
39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? not sure – that was a long time ago
40 Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects? probably a bad idea right now
41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old? most are new, tho there are several who keep hanging on with me
42) Do you like pulpy orange juice? no feels like there are weird things going down my throat
43) What is something your friends make fun of you for? snorting when I laugh
44) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no would put a limit on me
45) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I like my name and the meaning. My parents asked God what to name me
46) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? y not… that is a lot of money.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Two Wolves - Interesting
The Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside popel.
He said, 'My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all... One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
Author Unknown
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside popel.
He said, 'My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all... One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
Author Unknown
Monday, March 2, 2009
Quick Monday Nothing
monday night already. not sure where the weekend went, but i spent saturday asleep. i was sooooo wiped out and not really sure why.
sunday i went shopping with a friend in a town i did not know where it was and may have never been too before. I HAD A BLAST. spent too much money i am sure, but it was fun and i believe will even out in the long run.
i am really too tired to put much tonight. hopefully i will have something exciting tomorrow - or the next time i am able to sit and type a bit. really there are wonderful things happening in my life, still stuff i am so unsure of, but God is faithfully working in me and around me. and somehow i have great hope for the future, and my present.
remind me and i might paraphrase a cool healing situation that happened a few days, or chat about what i was shown this morning. the good thing is every time i spend time with Him i am so blown away by His interest in me and what He says to me and about me. i get to see attitudes He is helping to change so i am free and those around me see His work, tho they may not realize what it is.
love to you tonight, may you sleep with peace. i have an early morning and hopefully a workout shortly after i wake up. so night for now.
sunday i went shopping with a friend in a town i did not know where it was and may have never been too before. I HAD A BLAST. spent too much money i am sure, but it was fun and i believe will even out in the long run.
i am really too tired to put much tonight. hopefully i will have something exciting tomorrow - or the next time i am able to sit and type a bit. really there are wonderful things happening in my life, still stuff i am so unsure of, but God is faithfully working in me and around me. and somehow i have great hope for the future, and my present.
remind me and i might paraphrase a cool healing situation that happened a few days, or chat about what i was shown this morning. the good thing is every time i spend time with Him i am so blown away by His interest in me and what He says to me and about me. i get to see attitudes He is helping to change so i am free and those around me see His work, tho they may not realize what it is.
love to you tonight, may you sleep with peace. i have an early morning and hopefully a workout shortly after i wake up. so night for now.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
What Seems Like The First Day
i have just gotten home from my 'first' mary kay make-up class. it went well and i am pleased with the presentation. not exactly what i hope for, but i can tell it went fine. very much enjoyed the gals there and already have a new booking for another class.
i am enjoying the business. well i enjoy getting with gals and trying the products. i like to get the feedback on the products and love being with other gals.
it has been a long day, and the night seems to be gone already - seeing how it is after midnight. i am so ready to go to bed.
my hope is to be up around 4.30. not sure if that is possible at this point in time yet.
this morning i got up and spent the first hour with God. it was wonderful and i was amazed at how the time flew by. my purpose was to be refueled, restored. have some life put back into my step. i realize that no matter the exercise or diet i follow. there is nothing that will fill me like His presence. i can take wonderful nutritious vitamins, and sleep 8 hours. i can beautify my body and spend lots of time perfecting my look. but there is no replacement for His Presence. it is always what i need. this morning He reminded me to take a moment when things get stressful and give it - whatever it is - to Him. just a moment and i can have peace again. amazing what He offers. it will take some time and plenty of sticky notes planted in inconspicuous places to get that down. it will sure be worth the effort. (umm if it can be called effort - it takes concentration to stop and hand stress over to Him. hehehe)
He is where i find safety and peace. He is strong and bold on my behalf. Whom else will i want? He is everything i need.
i am enjoying the business. well i enjoy getting with gals and trying the products. i like to get the feedback on the products and love being with other gals.
it has been a long day, and the night seems to be gone already - seeing how it is after midnight. i am so ready to go to bed.
my hope is to be up around 4.30. not sure if that is possible at this point in time yet.
this morning i got up and spent the first hour with God. it was wonderful and i was amazed at how the time flew by. my purpose was to be refueled, restored. have some life put back into my step. i realize that no matter the exercise or diet i follow. there is nothing that will fill me like His presence. i can take wonderful nutritious vitamins, and sleep 8 hours. i can beautify my body and spend lots of time perfecting my look. but there is no replacement for His Presence. it is always what i need. this morning He reminded me to take a moment when things get stressful and give it - whatever it is - to Him. just a moment and i can have peace again. amazing what He offers. it will take some time and plenty of sticky notes planted in inconspicuous places to get that down. it will sure be worth the effort. (umm if it can be called effort - it takes concentration to stop and hand stress over to Him. hehehe)
He is where i find safety and peace. He is strong and bold on my behalf. Whom else will i want? He is everything i need.
Monday, February 23, 2009
'Lucy, You Have Some 'Splainin To Do.'
k, it has been a little while. some would argue nothing has been happening for that time. me - weeeeelllll it has been busy.
i am working a 40+ hour job. it is pretty stressful right now. i am not sure why, but it is. it seems like a straightforward job, yet there seems to be so much time taken up by what, i think, should be simple tasks. AND of course all the added items piled up on my already piled up pile. i guess i may have to tell some people that their immediates can not super-ceed what i am already trying to immediately get done. otherwise every thing falls farther behind. sounds easy, right? i'll get back to you on that one.
in january - i think - i joined the mary kay company with my husband's conscent. now i am a small business owner, and i am quickly finding out that takes hours too. i feel so far behind already. i had two main reasons: i wanted to meet gals, and i really wanted a safe place for ladies to come and see the beauty process God wants to do in their lives. mk is a great tool, but it starts with God and what He says about us as one-of-a-kind treasure. i believe i had a go-ahead and am doing what i can to not get nervous about the details i know nothing about. you can check my website here.
rob and i have been working out most mornings. we get up and out the door in time to be at the gym around 5am. makes long days so i am not quite as consistant as i would like to be, yet i see my time and speed increasing and am very pleased. i take the time on the elliptical machine to concentrate on Jesus and just know that He loves and cares for me. i pray about what i see, what i don't see. i just spend time talking to Him and He continues to give me wonderful visions.
the latest one is knowing that He never looks away from me. i have never experienced the passionate and unwavering look of a pure gaze upon me. He told me He has never looked away from me. even during the times of great darkness and confusion He knew He could get to me. He was never embarrassed by my mistakes, never ashamed of me. never wanted to look away. to me that is powerful. i have often been shamed and embarrassed. i have often had horrible attitudes and judged so unfairly. i am not honest or good by my own accord. yet He kept me in His sight knowing He would have me as His own.
what risk He took. realizing that at any time i could decide something else would suffice - often i did look to others and empty things to grant me a false sense of value and love. many times i have shamed myself in my search for meaning and life. yet He still kept on calling my name. what a wonderful love story. it is my personal story. we each have one, some of us hope to find ourselves in something or someone. truly we can only be found in Him. all in all the past few weeks and months have shown me a great God. He moves on my behalf in me and around me. i am not sure He will ever have the same time frame i try to keep, yet He is moving and i can see it.
so there is a BRIEF snyposis of the past months. if you have questions please comment and i will get back to you.
i am working a 40+ hour job. it is pretty stressful right now. i am not sure why, but it is. it seems like a straightforward job, yet there seems to be so much time taken up by what, i think, should be simple tasks. AND of course all the added items piled up on my already piled up pile. i guess i may have to tell some people that their immediates can not super-ceed what i am already trying to immediately get done. otherwise every thing falls farther behind. sounds easy, right? i'll get back to you on that one.
in january - i think - i joined the mary kay company with my husband's conscent. now i am a small business owner, and i am quickly finding out that takes hours too. i feel so far behind already. i had two main reasons: i wanted to meet gals, and i really wanted a safe place for ladies to come and see the beauty process God wants to do in their lives. mk is a great tool, but it starts with God and what He says about us as one-of-a-kind treasure. i believe i had a go-ahead and am doing what i can to not get nervous about the details i know nothing about. you can check my website here.
rob and i have been working out most mornings. we get up and out the door in time to be at the gym around 5am. makes long days so i am not quite as consistant as i would like to be, yet i see my time and speed increasing and am very pleased. i take the time on the elliptical machine to concentrate on Jesus and just know that He loves and cares for me. i pray about what i see, what i don't see. i just spend time talking to Him and He continues to give me wonderful visions.
the latest one is knowing that He never looks away from me. i have never experienced the passionate and unwavering look of a pure gaze upon me. He told me He has never looked away from me. even during the times of great darkness and confusion He knew He could get to me. He was never embarrassed by my mistakes, never ashamed of me. never wanted to look away. to me that is powerful. i have often been shamed and embarrassed. i have often had horrible attitudes and judged so unfairly. i am not honest or good by my own accord. yet He kept me in His sight knowing He would have me as His own.
what risk He took. realizing that at any time i could decide something else would suffice - often i did look to others and empty things to grant me a false sense of value and love. many times i have shamed myself in my search for meaning and life. yet He still kept on calling my name. what a wonderful love story. it is my personal story. we each have one, some of us hope to find ourselves in something or someone. truly we can only be found in Him. all in all the past few weeks and months have shown me a great God. He moves on my behalf in me and around me. i am not sure He will ever have the same time frame i try to keep, yet He is moving and i can see it.
so there is a BRIEF snyposis of the past months. if you have questions please comment and i will get back to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
