I'm Being Rescued

it is funny how life takes the twists and turns one would not expect. God so thoroughly takes care of everything but i can say i am not necessarily happy with the way He is doing the caring - at least while i am in the midst of it all.

He works in such a caring way, and now i can look back a few months and know that He had me the entire time. He was leading and guiding, not like i wanted, but it is being done and i am so throughly cared for during the process.

i now see this situation as being my rescue. i had no idea that life would bring me to this place. i marvel at the steps taken to get here. i am broken and put back together, only better. i love and hate this place i am in, all at once.

i can't possibly understand other decisions that had nothing to do with me, and yet there is a reality of the choices i made and God loved me in them and through them. i am not innocent in myself, Jesus has made that possible. i ache for the other trapped in the decisions made and holding them hostage, yet know that God sees them and is doing what is needed to bring restoration to them also. His love is so great!!

nope not how i expected or hoped.

one night as i sat journalling i had the following conversation:
'Papa, i so wanted a man to come along and find me.' (it was as if i could see Jesus behind and to my left, He didn't say anything but i knew He was "signalling" that He was that man i desperately sought..)
'i know but the man was going to come and rescue me from hell, my hell, this life of hell.' (again in the background i could just see Jesus, making no moves, but i knew He was that man who died so i could be saved from a life of torment and eternity in hell.)
'yes, but he would be faithful, love me like no other, and never leave me. he would be all i wanted and needed.' (by now maybe you can see where this is going... again there was Jesus in the background as if to say that He was that exact desire in the flesh..)
'okay, okay. but in the flesh, made of flesh...' (again YEP - that was Him)
'but You didn't do it how i expected it. yes You are all i want, the very Man i desired and longed for - You came just for me, to rescue me from hell, be faithful, never leave me, and love me as no one else could hope to.. You even came in the flesh so that i could know You as real'
'but I didn't do it the way you expected. Sweetest love, I rarely do what you expect as you expect it to be. yet I AM all you need and all you wanted. I answered the cry of that little heart just exactly as you needed. I am your completeness.'

so here He is again.

my Rescue.

not even close to how i hoped it would happen, yet it is exactly what i need. i am so scared - except when i concentrate on His LOVE. see perfect love (Him) casts out all fear, 'cuz when i know He can only be for what is best in my life then i can trust and let go knowing He will get me where i need - even if i don't like the steps.
somehow the journey will get me where He wants me to be, and that will be the fulfilment of my life, He is my Creator after all.