Help Me

i am surprised - tho most likely should not be so - how quickly hurt comes as i look through photos and lives of other people. too often i see smiling faces, children, photo comments - all these leading me to believe there is a happy life out there.

and i am jealous. i so desire life to work. relationships that are good for one another. children.

God is good. His desire is for me to have life that has meaning. each relationship to be good for all involved. He too desires that i have children around. He alone can grant these desires and give me what i will require for each moment of them.

Papa, help me. forgive me, i doubt Your good intentions all too often. i release You from my idea of timing and what is best for myself. heal what has become from my expectations. clear out the disappointments and failures. turn around all that was meant to destroy me, bring me to life.

this pain of not having what i so desire at this stage of my life. redeem the time, Abba. take me beyond what i have known - beyond my experiences. love me through this place. heal my heart and help me love those who have been used against me.

aggghhhh i hate this feeling stuff. i feel like i am tearing apart inside. smiling when i want to cry, crying when i want to be numb. choosing to numb out and run from You when running to You will bring my heart to peace and calm my fear for the present and future.

somehow help me focus on the glorious future You have in store.