Not Sure What This Is About

it is hard to 'put down on paper' when i am so blah. been feeling deeply about so much that it simply wears me to the edge.
i am really quite numb now. it feels late and i should pbly go to bed - tho i have laundry that needs to be switched.
i like my new space, just have to take time and spend it getting to know God's heart for me. don't know why that is so difficult. time with Him turns out wonderful.
was talking to roselene about it yesterday. it is so hard to admit i am in need. i don't know why - we are all in need, it is the human condition. :) welcome to planet earth.
i want to put something amazing in this note, but i don't know that i have anything really. i feel deep hurt and rejection. i feel breaking and deep loss. i hurt and i don't like it. i hate living with another's choice - something that rubs me raw. bitterness is close by - actually might be in residence in this new place. so i will crawl up into Daddy's arms where i am safe, and ask Him to help me in this moment, in this pain. i need His sacrifice, i need the blood to wash away this stuff. and after i have cried myself out i will remind me of what He says about me - His beloved (even in the midst of my sinful self)
i am His treasure, one that He loves with all His heart. He is for my good always and does not point out what is hidden to shame or hurt me. Abba is good and there can be none like Him. there can be none before Him. i have found safety in Him. i have found 'belong' - in Him, to Him, with Him. i find a reason to live and explore again. where i hurt i see He has been busy binding my wounds and bringing wholeness. He is my Creator, i His created. i have never known love like this.
God may this season of pain bring healing to others as You so graciously care for me. help me will to run into Your arms, find my being in You. closer than my breath, You wrap me into You. here is me.