?

like a drug i come to You for my need to get met. and then walk away. do You feel used, as a human would? do You wait in anticipation for my need to overpower me? i guess You would rather me come just because i want to, just because i want You, not because i need my next fix. help me understand this love You are. is it only rebellion that keeps me running?
i have found the greatest in You. acceptance and approval, grace, forgiveness, life, creativity has returned, and healing has taken place. yet i come to You in my weakness and broken, You revive me and i go my own way until i need 'fixed' again. can this cycle end? can i find peace and stay with You because i want to? not because i have to have You...? will You always come after me? will You go to the highway and bi-way looking for me? can i get lost from You? can You forget me or choose another in my place? can i hurt You so that You will finally give up on me and let me go?
i'm sorry. i need a fix....