'Lucy, You Have Some 'Splainin To Do.'

k, it has been a little while. some would argue nothing has been happening for that time. me - weeeeelllll it has been busy.
i am working a 40+ hour job. it is pretty stressful right now. i am not sure why, but it is. it seems like a straightforward job, yet there seems to be so much time taken up by what, i think, should be simple tasks. AND of course all the added items piled up on my already piled up pile. i guess i may have to tell some people that their immediates can not super-ceed what i am already trying to immediately get done. otherwise every thing falls farther behind. sounds easy, right? i'll get back to you on that one.
in january - i think - i joined the mary kay company with my husband's conscent. now i am a small business owner, and i am quickly finding out that takes hours too. i feel so far behind already. i had two main reasons: i wanted to meet gals, and i really wanted a safe place for ladies to come and see the beauty process God wants to do in their lives. mk is a great tool, but it starts with God and what He says about us as one-of-a-kind treasure. i believe i had a go-ahead and am doing what i can to not get nervous about the details i know nothing about. you can check my website here.
rob and i have been working out most mornings. we get up and out the door in time to be at the gym around 5am. makes long days so i am not quite as consistant as i would like to be, yet i see my time and speed increasing and am very pleased. i take the time on the elliptical machine to concentrate on Jesus and just know that He loves and cares for me. i pray about what i see, what i don't see. i just spend time talking to Him and He continues to give me wonderful visions.
the latest one is knowing that He never looks away from me. i have never experienced the passionate and unwavering look of a pure gaze upon me. He told me He has never looked away from me. even during the times of great darkness and confusion He knew He could get to me. He was never embarrassed by my mistakes, never ashamed of me. never wanted to look away. to me that is powerful. i have often been shamed and embarrassed. i have often had horrible attitudes and judged so unfairly. i am not honest or good by my own accord. yet He kept me in His sight knowing He would have me as His own.
what risk He took. realizing that at any time i could decide something else would suffice - often i did look to others and empty things to grant me a false sense of value and love. many times i have shamed myself in my search for meaning and life. yet He still kept on calling my name. what a wonderful love story. it is my personal story. we each have one, some of us hope to find ourselves in something or someone. truly we can only be found in Him. all in all the past few weeks and months have shown me a great God. He moves on my behalf in me and around me. i am not sure He will ever have the same time frame i try to keep, yet He is moving and i can see it.
so there is a BRIEF snyposis of the past months. if you have questions please comment and i will get back to you.