About Me

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Oklahoma, United States
i am in the midst of a huge life change. learning what grace says about me. letting God's love speak and embrace me. when i fall down, He's there with me. i am a daughter. i am a wonderful treasure.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Umm I Would Call It Faith

today seems to have been a very large day. i went to work "volunteering" to help. one thing leading to another and three hours later i was finally heading home - should have only taken 30 min..... hmmm who can't say "no"?

went grocery shopping. then bob took us (me, and in-laws) to see his work site. it was a nice tour. lot has changed since i was there last.

bob napped, then spent some quality time with me :). then i put together dinner. we headed to cosmo and then finally here i am ready to sleep. (hope for a bit more quality time, but may have to let that one go....)

i got to chat with a wonderful lady from watkins glen today. i wanted to give her an update of how God has been moving. i admit that this situation has been worth everything that God has done. as stinky as it has been and as much as i would rather have not experienced the pain - well actually i just have to shout out - AMAZING GOD. He is bringing me to the place to KNOW what it is to be loved. i know my value is not found in what anyone says of me, i am not trash to be thrown away, and i am of the utmost value - i deserve the best God has to offer. so different than i have ever thought before now.

it was strange to come to the realization i had put so much on the opinion of a single person. that a person, who did not want that responsibility in the first place i might add, could determine how i saw my value.

wow, talk about giving the enemy a place to hang out, throw a party, and bring friends.... anyway, that person no longer is on the throne of my heart, i have asked God to take His rightful place in my life. i am getting a clearly defined picture of being.

this week i am asking God to show me how to trust Him on a level i have never given up. and to trust Him, well there is going to be a revelation of love so perfect that it will make trusting Him happen like i have never known. to see the heartbeat of God when He looks at me, and He sees the perfect work of Christ - done, finished. well that is a bit overwhelming.

just to get some of my bragging rights on Him out there - two days ago i sat on the couch and said something to the tune of: "God i want to see (this specific thing) happen. (in my mind the thought 'how ridiculous to ask for something so simple and "pathetic"'.) Father, this (happening) is HUGE to me. (tho i wanted to say 'this is such a small and unimportant thing, but i want it anyway'. something else hit me before i could say it - this is the biggest deal to me right here, right now. if God were to show me His love, this would be the way - this answer is powerful.) i want it to happen just like this "x", "y", "z" and be done (here). and i know that You are in the details, that it is not foolish to ask, because You are waiting for me to ask You very specifically to show me Your love. i know that if You do (this) it is going to set me free to see You love me unquestionably. (this desire) is huge in me and has been all my life. i know You will answer me." i thought "hmm don't want to not have this happen and then question God's love." and then today when i went in to work a random thing out of the blue happened and it just proved how God can move on a person's heart. well it proved to me that it is in His heart to answer my request, just how i asked Him to. kind of like (and i don't know how else to put it..) He is desperate that i see His love and no longer deny the power of it. like He asked me for something to show me how the Blood of His Son could be shown in such a clear way that i could not deny the love in that sacrifice. (i have great head knowledge... but when it gets inside that I AM LOVED and nothing can separate me from that love, no person, thing, attitude, circumstance, choice......) that His Son is enough to clear me of ALL.... and i can and will be loved in spite of the life i have lived... umm powerful freedom here!!!!

wow i am stoked. it is such a simple request now that i look at the prayer, but to have it done - well kind of like - well - what words can express it????? God is good always.

can't wait to tell you the news and how He put it together.

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