God Is The Best

this past week i was fasting so that i could use the time to seek God on some issues. i usually do not fast (go without) food. i decided part of what i would give up would be the ways of escaping.

i used to use food. when i wanted to stuff pain or forget how i felt about things i would be a constant presence in the kitchen. i got more exercise going to the kitchen from the couch than if i simply went out for a 15 minute walk.

i also use movies - we don't have tv exactly for this reason. it eats up so much time. i would plug in a dvd and then another and all of a sudden the light of day was gone and the moon high in the sky. an entire day wasted. i also would just sit and waste time doing nothing.

so i decided to give some of that stuff up. i found avoiding the things was easy enough, but seeking God the time i would have spent doing those things was another story. take a movie for example - 2 hours. i can read my Bible and pray for about an hour, and i have to add in some praise and worship. i can find i am almost at two hours if i sing and praise WHILE cleaning or doing SOMETHING. (which kind of defeats the purpose of setting the time aside and seeking God.) but SEEKING God. not just talking at Him, but listening, waiting.

waiting is hard for me. i don't like the whole patience thing, and i would like things to happen instantly..... they don't. so my choice is - to wait. (umm my waiting looks like this - peace for about 3 minutes, "God, what do You want me to do with this *emotion* - insert any word in for emotion... - silence or "nothing, I told you to be still." then quiet for about 45 seconds "God i will pray for *so and so* "umm, becca, how is this being still?" "i know i know, but it is so hard for me to be patient, help me." and then i go on for a few minutes praying for strength and the desire to be patient. sounds like a lot of work.) see i don't yet have the full picture: God doesn't need me doing anything, my works do not get the situation taken care of. He wants me to spend time with Him. He is jealous and wants me, full attention and all.

14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:

Ex 34:14 (King James Version)

14 (Never worship any other god, because the Lord is a God who does not tolerate rivals. In fact, he is known for not tolerating rivals.)

Ex 34:14 (God's Word)

God is jealous over me - over us. He wants nothing in His way with us. He wants to meet my needs, and give me the desire of my heart, but first He wants me to Himself. all of me to Himself. i am not to get needs met any other way except through the One Who Loves me. i would not be faithful to Him by going to people or my job (places where i feel part of something) asking for provision, love, help, my needs. He is not jealous like a human - hurting us or demand we do things their way, He draws us with His great love and kindness.

in honesty - why would i want to go to God if He were not loving and kind. i don't want a relationship with Him if He is full of wrath and looking to destroy me because i have messed up. i want someone that will love me in spite of my incompleteness, in point of fact because i am incomplete. He can make me complete.

somewhere in all this commotion i am realizing that i have accepted Jesus. He took the fall for me. He stood in my place and took the consequences. i can stand before God as one who has done no wrong. BECAUSE Jesus took my consequences. i still mess up, but Jesus took the fall/blame for my past. my present. my future. He knows my heart - better than i or anyone else could - and He sees that Jesus took my place.

relief. that takes the fear out of my heart and the pressure to watch my every action and motive and if i mess it up getting pummeled, off of me. i can finally just live. no catch. i know i can't do this by myself, that is why i daily come to Him and ask help, asking over and over sometimes. (i am still having a hard time coming to Him minute by minute for help - some days are just so tough - i forget that it sometimes takes that, a minute by minute cry for help when things are so frantic and my emotions are in a whirl.)

i just want to be free. able to not see my location as in dark and scary places. i don't want to be alone or on my own. i don't want to hurt others. i don't want to be scared. "cool." He says "I AM good with all that. I don't want it for you either. I want you to be free. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I don't want you to ever think you are alone. in fact I will put it in scripture that you can stand on 'I will never leave you or forsake you'. I love you with an unending love and it is my good pleasure to give you what you have asked in My Name. you are My Beloved Daughter and no one, and no situation, no where you are and no where you go, will ever change My love for you. be accepted in My Beloved."

who would not want to hear that? all proven in the Bible. God IS Love. and love wants the best.