God Alone

i am checking on a blog that i just happened to start reading a few months ago. the writer is an addict - he is addicted to anything. crazy how trying to fill the place only God can fill will drive you place to place looking for a type of fix.

i found i ran to food, entertainment, anything that let me "escape" for a bit. you know what was the real problem - i was desperate for God. really. i tried so many things to fill myself up. nothing worked so i went to another. i hear people say they are obsessive - compulsive, ummm maybe you need to check in with God. He sure brings peace to the place you are in.

i was standing at my kitchen window a couple days ago and noticed i was wanting to "fill" some sort of desire. i know enough now to realize that anything i try will not do it so i asked God what the deal was - "yesterday i had such a wonderful time with You, why do i feel so needy now?" His answer - "you think you can live on yesterday's manna? baby, you need Me fresh every day. how can you have a relationship by conversing/hanging out one day in your life. I want you to want Me EVERYDAY, every moment. you have got to realize I am THE SOURCE and you cannot survive with out ME." (well knock me upside the head.....) again God is so good.

still more crazy is that i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am in desperate need of Him, yet i think i can start my day without chatting a bit in prayer or praise. and then i think i am going to be okay for the rest of the day and my other 1/2 gets involved and i don't "want" to take the time to connect. INSANITY!!!! huh - can't believe that is such a habit.

alright so it takes a bit of time to break old habits and establish new ones. and connecting with God is one i mean to have. every time i stop and get it together with Him, life seems to straighten out.

take today - i was having a hard time getting my attitude in check. actually i remembered something that happened a few months ago. pain and hurt flooded me. i entertained it, petted it, and just loved on the memory. i knew it was going to take hold and i needed to give it to God. but i was hurting and it was unfair. i reminded God how unfair the situation was (knowing He already had it all in hand and was taking care of me and the others involved.), and how it was not taken care of yet. (i'm not sure when He stopped listening, i was pretty involved in the pity-party.) finally i stopped. "Papa, i know i am not supposed to be doing this. my wallowing is not part of Your plan. help me to want to let it go. You will take care of it, and i can do nothing about it." i think i may have even reminded the individual about it hoping for a bit of an apology.... somehow, God showed me kindness. the pain melted (that was really what i wanted - i did not want the hurt and pain....) the hurt lessened, and i was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. and tonight was able to offer goodness.

He is soooooo gooooooodddddd. how can i ever express my gratitude, amazement, awe, hope, etc. that is there because of Him.

if everything is lost - i will never be alone or on my own. if decisions are made by others - i will have all i need, the plan He has for me will come to pass. for there is no one and no thing that can stop what God has in store for my life. He is big enough, loving enough, powerful enough. He can draw out the stoniest hearts, heal the worst lives. He has every ability, every substance, every thing within His grasp and can move everything into place. HE IS GOD!!!! and there is no one to compare Him with.