i remember four years ago my dad was talking to me about a "blog" he had just set up. he said it was sort of like an online diary. i wondered why on earth anyone would want to "blog" or why anyone would want to read another's entries. well lookie here.... i guess it caught on.
my dad was, well i had a lot of bad ideas about him. turns out the eyes of a little girl can be so completely wrong, or at least they can be focused on the wrong parts of people. the more i step out of the little girl eyes the more i see of him. he loved people with a huge heart. he was a pastor and wanted to have people connect. he was broken and wanted to be whole. he wanted others to be whole and wondered about his part in it all, wondering if he really could help others when he, himself, needed so much. he was a wonderful artist - still has paintings on display. he did sign work for businesses and made brochures. even had a small business out of our home at one time. he did wonderful web design and artistry. he cared for, and watched my grandmother - his mother - for the last part of her life. and it broke him more.
he was involved in the government of our little town, until he saw he was not able to make an impact there. he tried very hard to make an impact on people and in situations he was in.
he was a good dad. did everything he could to provide a wonderful place to live. he loved my mother deeply. i remember a situation that happened and mom got hurt, she had gotten dressed up to go with me somewhere and it got messed up. he stood right up and took her out to dinner. he took her out and made sure he showed her how much he loved her and she meant to him. he was a great man.
he wanted to spend time with us kids and did what he could to be involved in our every activity. work kept him a lot of the time, but he loved that we were involved in school stuff and things during the summer.
he was crushed when his little girl was diagnosed with diabetes. stopped his world. i have no idea how he and mom made it through all that time, all the questions and wondering what they had done wrong. dad took it personal that i was diabetic. it put such a strain on our time together. must have been hard to keep seeing his failure over and over. i loved my daddy. i hope he saw that. he was the coolest guy to me.
he managed to stand when my brother was diagnosed with kidney problems. he and mom gathered the church and saw sam delivered from all kinds of kidney problems. surgery went through and sam was better. amazing man able to continue trusting God when appearances seemed so heavy. good man.
dad had a wonderful voice too. he spoke on the radio. when he sang his singing voice would rumble in his chest and i could feel it vibrate. he wanted me to be the best i could be, he took disciplining me very seriously. he was a great dad.
i wish i could tell him how great i think he is, was. i am sorry that i never fully told him what was in my heart. until recently i never knew how to look at him. i didn't see that my Daddy, God, looks at all of us with compassion. He sees how we want to be and not how we are.
my dad wanted to be good, he wanted to be the best papa a girl ever had. he wanted to be a great son, wonderful husband, good friend, skilled artist/pastor/writer/vocal-radio personality/everything he could be. he had a good heart. he was a good man. and God saw.
God sees the best of us because He looks through Jesus. He sees that perfect sacrifice for our mess-ups and God sees us complete. i am just learning this. i want to be like this. i want to see the good and not focus on the stuff i see. God gave me eyes to see what i see and a voice that will talk of what i see to Him, ears to hear what He says in return. He gave me senses to use for His glory and i will use them for Him. i will see what He sees in people - the treasure, valuable. i will speak what He says about people - His great love for them, His desire for them to be free in Him. i will hear what He says about them and agree with it. what a beautiful place.
i love my Daddy. and papa i love you. i am sorry i was never able to tell you how much i loved you. you were the best i could have asked for.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Peace That Passes Understanding
i have been going over things today. i realize that i am a human. i have acted as a human. there is NOTHING i have done that was not a human reaction. i have asked to be forgiven and done all i can to make amends. now it is out of my hands. and i am human, not expected to be perfect as Christ is in everything i do. (i sure wish i could have done everything perfect, but knowing that is impassable....) i want to act the way Jesus would act so i am studying the Word and praying for help. i will still act human, but that is okay because no one is perfect or will be perfect. i know THE ONE that has saved me and i trust in Him. He will continue to work in my life and help me be what i am to be.
i have someone in my life that is acting like a human, they are having a human reaction to the way i have been. and that is okay, because they too are human. they know the Word of God sets them free and they are in God's hands. only He can make a change in this situation. and i can let them go because they are human and behave as a human. i can not expect Christ to walk in and take over their actions or decisions. so i am alright. and i know they will be alright.
it doesn't always make the situation easier, but it sure keeps me in peace - knowing God has it under control. and when i realized all this is just human actions somehow i got a little picture of being free to be who i am and letting them be who they are right now. when i have done all i can and am trusting God to do all He can, then i have peace. and i have peace.
love to you all,
becca
i have someone in my life that is acting like a human, they are having a human reaction to the way i have been. and that is okay, because they too are human. they know the Word of God sets them free and they are in God's hands. only He can make a change in this situation. and i can let them go because they are human and behave as a human. i can not expect Christ to walk in and take over their actions or decisions. so i am alright. and i know they will be alright.
it doesn't always make the situation easier, but it sure keeps me in peace - knowing God has it under control. and when i realized all this is just human actions somehow i got a little picture of being free to be who i am and letting them be who they are right now. when i have done all i can and am trusting God to do all He can, then i have peace. and i have peace.
love to you all,
becca
Thursday, March 20, 2008
God Is The Best
this past week i was fasting so that i could use the time to seek God on some issues. i usually do not fast (go without) food. i decided part of what i would give up would be the ways of escaping.
i used to use food. when i wanted to stuff pain or forget how i felt about things i would be a constant presence in the kitchen. i got more exercise going to the kitchen from the couch than if i simply went out for a 15 minute walk.
i also use movies - we don't have tv exactly for this reason. it eats up so much time. i would plug in a dvd and then another and all of a sudden the light of day was gone and the moon high in the sky. an entire day wasted. i also would just sit and waste time doing nothing.
so i decided to give some of that stuff up. i found avoiding the things was easy enough, but seeking God the time i would have spent doing those things was another story. take a movie for example - 2 hours. i can read my Bible and pray for about an hour, and i have to add in some praise and worship. i can find i am almost at two hours if i sing and praise WHILE cleaning or doing SOMETHING. (which kind of defeats the purpose of setting the time aside and seeking God.) but SEEKING God. not just talking at Him, but listening, waiting.
waiting is hard for me. i don't like the whole patience thing, and i would like things to happen instantly..... they don't. so my choice is - to wait. (umm my waiting looks like this - peace for about 3 minutes, "God, what do You want me to do with this *emotion* - insert any word in for emotion... - silence or "nothing, I told you to be still." then quiet for about 45 seconds "God i will pray for *so and so* "umm, becca, how is this being still?" "i know i know, but it is so hard for me to be patient, help me." and then i go on for a few minutes praying for strength and the desire to be patient. sounds like a lot of work.) see i don't yet have the full picture: God doesn't need me doing anything, my works do not get the situation taken care of. He wants me to spend time with Him. He is jealous and wants me, full attention and all.
14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
relief. that takes the fear out of my heart and the pressure to watch my every action and motive and if i mess it up getting pummeled, off of me. i can finally just live. no catch. i know i can't do this by myself, that is why i daily come to Him and ask help, asking over and over sometimes. (i am still having a hard time coming to Him minute by minute for help - some days are just so tough - i forget that it sometimes takes that, a minute by minute cry for help when things are so frantic and my emotions are in a whirl.)
i just want to be free. able to not see my location as in dark and scary places. i don't want to be alone or on my own. i don't want to hurt others. i don't want to be scared. "cool." He says "I AM good with all that. I don't want it for you either. I want you to be free. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I don't want you to ever think you are alone. in fact I will put it in scripture that you can stand on 'I will never leave you or forsake you'. I love you with an unending love and it is my good pleasure to give you what you have asked in My Name. you are My Beloved Daughter and no one, and no situation, no where you are and no where you go, will ever change My love for you. be accepted in My Beloved."
who would not want to hear that? all proven in the Bible. God IS Love. and love wants the best.
i used to use food. when i wanted to stuff pain or forget how i felt about things i would be a constant presence in the kitchen. i got more exercise going to the kitchen from the couch than if i simply went out for a 15 minute walk.
i also use movies - we don't have tv exactly for this reason. it eats up so much time. i would plug in a dvd and then another and all of a sudden the light of day was gone and the moon high in the sky. an entire day wasted. i also would just sit and waste time doing nothing.
so i decided to give some of that stuff up. i found avoiding the things was easy enough, but seeking God the time i would have spent doing those things was another story. take a movie for example - 2 hours. i can read my Bible and pray for about an hour, and i have to add in some praise and worship. i can find i am almost at two hours if i sing and praise WHILE cleaning or doing SOMETHING. (which kind of defeats the purpose of setting the time aside and seeking God.) but SEEKING God. not just talking at Him, but listening, waiting.
waiting is hard for me. i don't like the whole patience thing, and i would like things to happen instantly..... they don't. so my choice is - to wait. (umm my waiting looks like this - peace for about 3 minutes, "God, what do You want me to do with this *emotion* - insert any word in for emotion... - silence or "nothing, I told you to be still." then quiet for about 45 seconds "God i will pray for *so and so* "umm, becca, how is this being still?" "i know i know, but it is so hard for me to be patient, help me." and then i go on for a few minutes praying for strength and the desire to be patient. sounds like a lot of work.) see i don't yet have the full picture: God doesn't need me doing anything, my works do not get the situation taken care of. He wants me to spend time with Him. He is jealous and wants me, full attention and all.
14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
Ex 34:14 (King James Version)
14 (Never worship any other god, because the Lord is a God who does not tolerate rivals. In fact, he is known for not tolerating rivals.)
Ex 34:14 (God's Word)
God is jealous over me - over us. He wants nothing in His way with us. He wants to meet my needs, and give me the desire of my heart, but first He wants me to Himself. all of me to Himself. i am not to get needs met any other way except through the One Who Loves me. i would not be faithful to Him by going to people or my job (places where i feel part of something) asking for provision, love, help, my needs. He is not jealous like a human - hurting us or demand we do things their way, He draws us with His great love and kindness.
in honesty - why would i want to go to God if He were not loving and kind. i don't want a relationship with Him if He is full of wrath and looking to destroy me because i have messed up. i want someone that will love me in spite of my incompleteness, in point of fact because i am incomplete. He can make me complete.
relief. that takes the fear out of my heart and the pressure to watch my every action and motive and if i mess it up getting pummeled, off of me. i can finally just live. no catch. i know i can't do this by myself, that is why i daily come to Him and ask help, asking over and over sometimes. (i am still having a hard time coming to Him minute by minute for help - some days are just so tough - i forget that it sometimes takes that, a minute by minute cry for help when things are so frantic and my emotions are in a whirl.)
i just want to be free. able to not see my location as in dark and scary places. i don't want to be alone or on my own. i don't want to hurt others. i don't want to be scared. "cool." He says "I AM good with all that. I don't want it for you either. I want you to be free. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I don't want you to ever think you are alone. in fact I will put it in scripture that you can stand on 'I will never leave you or forsake you'. I love you with an unending love and it is my good pleasure to give you what you have asked in My Name. you are My Beloved Daughter and no one, and no situation, no where you are and no where you go, will ever change My love for you. be accepted in My Beloved."
who would not want to hear that? all proven in the Bible. God IS Love. and love wants the best.
Love Having A Jealous God
as pressure is turned up and heat applied - i am going to come out a diamond.
i can sense that there is about to be a breakthrough in my thought processes. i have been battling with knowing i am fully loved and accepted by the One Who Formed Me In The Womb and truly believing it inside. i have also been shown that i must give up the fear of man - being concerned with what anyone will say or do depending on my actions and words. taking the emotions that are whirling around me into captivity has been quite a challenge.
i have given power to people, allowing them to be in control of my outcome in life. saying they have the power to give to me or deny me what is needed and desired. God does not want me bowing my knee to anyone but Him. again, He is a jealous God and no one and no thing should be higher than He. if He says i am loved and forgiven, that He promotes me or keeps me where i am, then that is how it is. no one can place value on me - that is impossible. people go by what they see or sense and they can never know the inside of my heart. only God can judge my actions and motives, even i am confused about them without His guidance.
if God wants me to have a job that provides benefits and loads of cash, that is in His hands. and He promotes when it is best, when i am ready for the next step. if i have issues to deal with He may keep me right where i am or let me move to another job/place to weed my life. but i can not go searching for promotion. (well i can, but it surely won't be what i truly want.) He will choose how to provide my needs, using whatever He so desires. (He is good and i can fully trust Him to provide my needs.)
i would actually like to give a shout out to my God here - He has put me into the perfect position with my job. it sure balances out other areas in my life and has provided me with a great mentor. i am truly blessed. i can see the possibility that is in my future. and the probability of what is my present. God is so good.
thank you, Father, for those You are bringing into my life. You know exactly what i needed.
and just for the record, i can see how He is answering my prayers. not my will, my way, my time, but Yours, Father.
back to earlier mention - i am on the precipice, ready to go over the edge. i wonder if i will have the courage to jump, or if i will simply fall into this next part. God is so good, He is waiting to catch me.
can i say - it just blows my mind how He is jealous over me. as soon as i get myself focused on Him (and this must be done over and over, 'cuz there is a lot much demanding my attention...) the answer is right in front of me. amazing how quickly my prayer is answered, and i see the solution. He is all about showing His might and love.
i often hear the words "hold on, Baby. keep hanging on to Me. Baby hold on." i like being His Baby.
and with that i will say goodnight. God is so gracious to me, His love draws me to Him. it is good to be loved, may i know it deep within. God, don't let me give up. keep me focused and drawing from You.
i can sense that there is about to be a breakthrough in my thought processes. i have been battling with knowing i am fully loved and accepted by the One Who Formed Me In The Womb and truly believing it inside. i have also been shown that i must give up the fear of man - being concerned with what anyone will say or do depending on my actions and words. taking the emotions that are whirling around me into captivity has been quite a challenge.
i have given power to people, allowing them to be in control of my outcome in life. saying they have the power to give to me or deny me what is needed and desired. God does not want me bowing my knee to anyone but Him. again, He is a jealous God and no one and no thing should be higher than He. if He says i am loved and forgiven, that He promotes me or keeps me where i am, then that is how it is. no one can place value on me - that is impossible. people go by what they see or sense and they can never know the inside of my heart. only God can judge my actions and motives, even i am confused about them without His guidance.
if God wants me to have a job that provides benefits and loads of cash, that is in His hands. and He promotes when it is best, when i am ready for the next step. if i have issues to deal with He may keep me right where i am or let me move to another job/place to weed my life. but i can not go searching for promotion. (well i can, but it surely won't be what i truly want.) He will choose how to provide my needs, using whatever He so desires. (He is good and i can fully trust Him to provide my needs.)
i would actually like to give a shout out to my God here - He has put me into the perfect position with my job. it sure balances out other areas in my life and has provided me with a great mentor. i am truly blessed. i can see the possibility that is in my future. and the probability of what is my present. God is so good.
thank you, Father, for those You are bringing into my life. You know exactly what i needed.
and just for the record, i can see how He is answering my prayers. not my will, my way, my time, but Yours, Father.
back to earlier mention - i am on the precipice, ready to go over the edge. i wonder if i will have the courage to jump, or if i will simply fall into this next part. God is so good, He is waiting to catch me.
can i say - it just blows my mind how He is jealous over me. as soon as i get myself focused on Him (and this must be done over and over, 'cuz there is a lot much demanding my attention...) the answer is right in front of me. amazing how quickly my prayer is answered, and i see the solution. He is all about showing His might and love.
i often hear the words "hold on, Baby. keep hanging on to Me. Baby hold on." i like being His Baby.
and with that i will say goodnight. God is so gracious to me, His love draws me to Him. it is good to be loved, may i know it deep within. God, don't let me give up. keep me focused and drawing from You.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Yours
God hear the cry of my heart - You know me intimately. help me. give Your attention to my plea. i have tried to find Your love in places where You were not. i looked high and low believing i would discover Your great love in something. now, i sit here, tears in my eyes - i have not found You in these things.
my head knows You, my heart longs to. i know Your words, i hear You in the scripture i read. get inside me, grow Your love in me. help me know what it is to be Your beloved, Your chosen. the one You love.
i plead no case, i have nothing to stand on that would prove my worth. there is no great thing about me that would draw You to me. only Your love, only You - who You ARE.
You have drawn close to me. You have wooed me and called me to You. let me know Your full acceptance, the purpose of that precious Blood. open me up 'till i can know You are the ONLY ONE THAT CAN LOVE ME TRULY.
my head knows You, my heart longs to. i know Your words, i hear You in the scripture i read. get inside me, grow Your love in me. help me know what it is to be Your beloved, Your chosen. the one You love.
i plead no case, i have nothing to stand on that would prove my worth. there is no great thing about me that would draw You to me. only Your love, only You - who You ARE.
You have drawn close to me. You have wooed me and called me to You. let me know Your full acceptance, the purpose of that precious Blood. open me up 'till i can know You are the ONLY ONE THAT CAN LOVE ME TRULY.
once i truly get hold that You love me and no thing and no one can stop that - then it will be as tho i am invincible. once secure in You and blameless, then i can simply live - not concerning myself with the idea that others may dictate who i am and what i am to be, or where i can go. set me free from these chains.
i cry out "Abba, Father. let me be Yours!"
Monday, March 17, 2008
God Alone
i am checking on a blog that i just happened to start reading a few months ago. the writer is an addict - he is addicted to anything. crazy how trying to fill the place only God can fill will drive you place to place looking for a type of fix.
i found i ran to food, entertainment, anything that let me "escape" for a bit. you know what was the real problem - i was desperate for God. really. i tried so many things to fill myself up. nothing worked so i went to another. i hear people say they are obsessive - compulsive, ummm maybe you need to check in with God. He sure brings peace to the place you are in.
i was standing at my kitchen window a couple days ago and noticed i was wanting to "fill" some sort of desire. i know enough now to realize that anything i try will not do it so i asked God what the deal was - "yesterday i had such a wonderful time with You, why do i feel so needy now?" His answer - "you think you can live on yesterday's manna? baby, you need Me fresh every day. how can you have a relationship by conversing/hanging out one day in your life. I want you to want Me EVERYDAY, every moment. you have got to realize I am THE SOURCE and you cannot survive with out ME." (well knock me upside the head.....) again God is so good.
still more crazy is that i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am in desperate need of Him, yet i think i can start my day without chatting a bit in prayer or praise. and then i think i am going to be okay for the rest of the day and my other 1/2 gets involved and i don't "want" to take the time to connect. INSANITY!!!! huh - can't believe that is such a habit.
alright so it takes a bit of time to break old habits and establish new ones. and connecting with God is one i mean to have. every time i stop and get it together with Him, life seems to straighten out.
take today - i was having a hard time getting my attitude in check. actually i remembered something that happened a few months ago. pain and hurt flooded me. i entertained it, petted it, and just loved on the memory. i knew it was going to take hold and i needed to give it to God. but i was hurting and it was unfair. i reminded God how unfair the situation was (knowing He already had it all in hand and was taking care of me and the others involved.), and how it was not taken care of yet. (i'm not sure when He stopped listening, i was pretty involved in the pity-party.) finally i stopped. "Papa, i know i am not supposed to be doing this. my wallowing is not part of Your plan. help me to want to let it go. You will take care of it, and i can do nothing about it." i think i may have even reminded the individual about it hoping for a bit of an apology.... somehow, God showed me kindness. the pain melted (that was really what i wanted - i did not want the hurt and pain....) the hurt lessened, and i was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. and tonight was able to offer goodness.
He is soooooo gooooooodddddd. how can i ever express my gratitude, amazement, awe, hope, etc. that is there because of Him.
if everything is lost - i will never be alone or on my own. if decisions are made by others - i will have all i need, the plan He has for me will come to pass. for there is no one and no thing that can stop what God has in store for my life. He is big enough, loving enough, powerful enough. He can draw out the stoniest hearts, heal the worst lives. He has every ability, every substance, every thing within His grasp and can move everything into place. HE IS GOD!!!! and there is no one to compare Him with.
i found i ran to food, entertainment, anything that let me "escape" for a bit. you know what was the real problem - i was desperate for God. really. i tried so many things to fill myself up. nothing worked so i went to another. i hear people say they are obsessive - compulsive, ummm maybe you need to check in with God. He sure brings peace to the place you are in.
i was standing at my kitchen window a couple days ago and noticed i was wanting to "fill" some sort of desire. i know enough now to realize that anything i try will not do it so i asked God what the deal was - "yesterday i had such a wonderful time with You, why do i feel so needy now?" His answer - "you think you can live on yesterday's manna? baby, you need Me fresh every day. how can you have a relationship by conversing/hanging out one day in your life. I want you to want Me EVERYDAY, every moment. you have got to realize I am THE SOURCE and you cannot survive with out ME." (well knock me upside the head.....) again God is so good.
still more crazy is that i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am in desperate need of Him, yet i think i can start my day without chatting a bit in prayer or praise. and then i think i am going to be okay for the rest of the day and my other 1/2 gets involved and i don't "want" to take the time to connect. INSANITY!!!! huh - can't believe that is such a habit.
alright so it takes a bit of time to break old habits and establish new ones. and connecting with God is one i mean to have. every time i stop and get it together with Him, life seems to straighten out.
take today - i was having a hard time getting my attitude in check. actually i remembered something that happened a few months ago. pain and hurt flooded me. i entertained it, petted it, and just loved on the memory. i knew it was going to take hold and i needed to give it to God. but i was hurting and it was unfair. i reminded God how unfair the situation was (knowing He already had it all in hand and was taking care of me and the others involved.), and how it was not taken care of yet. (i'm not sure when He stopped listening, i was pretty involved in the pity-party.) finally i stopped. "Papa, i know i am not supposed to be doing this. my wallowing is not part of Your plan. help me to want to let it go. You will take care of it, and i can do nothing about it." i think i may have even reminded the individual about it hoping for a bit of an apology.... somehow, God showed me kindness. the pain melted (that was really what i wanted - i did not want the hurt and pain....) the hurt lessened, and i was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. and tonight was able to offer goodness.
He is soooooo gooooooodddddd. how can i ever express my gratitude, amazement, awe, hope, etc. that is there because of Him.
if everything is lost - i will never be alone or on my own. if decisions are made by others - i will have all i need, the plan He has for me will come to pass. for there is no one and no thing that can stop what God has in store for my life. He is big enough, loving enough, powerful enough. He can draw out the stoniest hearts, heal the worst lives. He has every ability, every substance, every thing within His grasp and can move everything into place. HE IS GOD!!!! and there is no one to compare Him with.
Another Amazing Day
alright today has been a blast.
slept in - yeah. got the day off - yeah. went to the zoo - YIPEEE!!!! it was great. went to eat - yeah. and now, well now we are going to have a final fire in the fireplace with my in-laws. it has been a wonderful four days with them. good to have the visit. they head to vegas in the EARLY hours of tomorrow morning. (yes, i am planning to go with them to the airport. i think we will leave somewhere around 4.30!!!?)
we have a ton of to-go boxes in the fridge, and i have quite a bit of food i need to cook and freeze so it won't spoil. we have tried wonderful food and i am stoked about the leftovers. :)
the animals have fallen in love with my in-laws. (kaci will miss the sojourning through the subdivision....) we have seen some great times with them and the in-laws.
well that is it for right now.
later.
slept in - yeah. got the day off - yeah. went to the zoo - YIPEEE!!!! it was great. went to eat - yeah. and now, well now we are going to have a final fire in the fireplace with my in-laws. it has been a wonderful four days with them. good to have the visit. they head to vegas in the EARLY hours of tomorrow morning. (yes, i am planning to go with them to the airport. i think we will leave somewhere around 4.30!!!?)
we have a ton of to-go boxes in the fridge, and i have quite a bit of food i need to cook and freeze so it won't spoil. we have tried wonderful food and i am stoked about the leftovers. :)
the animals have fallen in love with my in-laws. (kaci will miss the sojourning through the subdivision....) we have seen some great times with them and the in-laws.
well that is it for right now.
later.
Another Amazing Day
alright today has been a blast.
slept in - yeah. got the day off - yeah. went to the zoo - YIPEEE!!!! it was great. went to eat - yeah. and now, well now we are going to have a final fire in the fireplace with my in-laws. it has been a wonderful four days with them. good to have the visit. they head to vegas in the EARLY hours of tomorrow morning. (yes, i am planning to go with them to the airport. i think we will leave somewhere around 4.30!!!?)
we have a ton of to-go boxes in the fridge, and i have quite a bit of food i need to cook and freeze so it won't spoil. we have tried wonderful food and i am stoked about the leftovers. :)
the animals have fallen in love with my in-laws. (kaci will miss the sojourning through the subdivision....) we have seen some great times with them and the in-laws.
well that is it for right now.
later.
slept in - yeah. got the day off - yeah. went to the zoo - YIPEEE!!!! it was great. went to eat - yeah. and now, well now we are going to have a final fire in the fireplace with my in-laws. it has been a wonderful four days with them. good to have the visit. they head to vegas in the EARLY hours of tomorrow morning. (yes, i am planning to go with them to the airport. i think we will leave somewhere around 4.30!!!?)
we have a ton of to-go boxes in the fridge, and i have quite a bit of food i need to cook and freeze so it won't spoil. we have tried wonderful food and i am stoked about the leftovers. :)
the animals have fallen in love with my in-laws. (kaci will miss the sojourning through the subdivision....) we have seen some great times with them and the in-laws.
well that is it for right now.
later.
Fun Day
i am having some fun on line.
ok, i am getting tired and the faces are not fitting AT ALL.. so i am going to quit while i can... sorry, i am just too tired to fix them. use your imagination...
today hmmm slept in a bit. made a pancake, bacon, and scrambled egg breakfast (great taste too. i got mucho compliments and thanks.). laundry, clean up kitchen, iron, dishes, put away laundry, put up dishes, reload dishwasher..... finally sit down. then get up again and get ready to go for a walk, change go out to eat (phil and kathy's anniversary dinner) delicious!!!, come home change, (oh yeah, went to get smores items and my prescription - pharmacy closed... go tomorrow) go to driving range, hit lots of golf balls, laugh with family, come home, fire, tea, blog, play on line, blog and here i am.
i am TIRED and i have had a marvelous day. so much fun. God has been so good to me today. i am amazed at the knowledge - not i but Christ in me.
have a great .... whatever it is.
night for me.
ok, i am getting tired and the faces are not fitting AT ALL.. so i am going to quit while i can... sorry, i am just too tired to fix them. use your imagination...
today hmmm slept in a bit. made a pancake, bacon, and scrambled egg breakfast (great taste too. i got mucho compliments and thanks.). laundry, clean up kitchen, iron, dishes, put away laundry, put up dishes, reload dishwasher..... finally sit down. then get up again and get ready to go for a walk, change go out to eat (phil and kathy's anniversary dinner) delicious!!!, come home change, (oh yeah, went to get smores items and my prescription - pharmacy closed... go tomorrow) go to driving range, hit lots of golf balls, laugh with family, come home, fire, tea, blog, play on line, blog and here i am.
i am TIRED and i have had a marvelous day. so much fun. God has been so good to me today. i am amazed at the knowledge - not i but Christ in me.
have a great .... whatever it is.
night for me.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Umm I Would Call It Faith
today seems to have been a very large day. i went to work "volunteering" to help. one thing leading to another and three hours later i was finally heading home - should have only taken 30 min..... hmmm who can't say "no"?
went grocery shopping. then bob took us (me, and in-laws) to see his work site. it was a nice tour. lot has changed since i was there last.
bob napped, then spent some quality time with me :). then i put together dinner. we headed to cosmo and then finally here i am ready to sleep. (hope for a bit more quality time, but may have to let that one go....)
i got to chat with a wonderful lady from watkins glen today. i wanted to give her an update of how God has been moving. i admit that this situation has been worth everything that God has done. as stinky as it has been and as much as i would rather have not experienced the pain - well actually i just have to shout out - AMAZING GOD. He is bringing me to the place to KNOW what it is to be loved. i know my value is not found in what anyone says of me, i am not trash to be thrown away, and i am of the utmost value - i deserve the best God has to offer. so different than i have ever thought before now.
it was strange to come to the realization i had put so much on the opinion of a single person. that a person, who did not want that responsibility in the first place i might add, could determine how i saw my value.
wow, talk about giving the enemy a place to hang out, throw a party, and bring friends.... anyway, that person no longer is on the throne of my heart, i have asked God to take His rightful place in my life. i am getting a clearly defined picture of being.
this week i am asking God to show me how to trust Him on a level i have never given up. and to trust Him, well there is going to be a revelation of love so perfect that it will make trusting Him happen like i have never known. to see the heartbeat of God when He looks at me, and He sees the perfect work of Christ - done, finished. well that is a bit overwhelming.
just to get some of my bragging rights on Him out there - two days ago i sat on the couch and said something to the tune of: "God i want to see (this specific thing) happen. (in my mind the thought 'how ridiculous to ask for something so simple and "pathetic"'.) Father, this (happening) is HUGE to me. (tho i wanted to say 'this is such a small and unimportant thing, but i want it anyway'. something else hit me before i could say it - this is the biggest deal to me right here, right now. if God were to show me His love, this would be the way - this answer is powerful.) i want it to happen just like this "x", "y", "z" and be done (here). and i know that You are in the details, that it is not foolish to ask, because You are waiting for me to ask You very specifically to show me Your love. i know that if You do (this) it is going to set me free to see You love me unquestionably. (this desire) is huge in me and has been all my life. i know You will answer me." i thought "hmm don't want to not have this happen and then question God's love." and then today when i went in to work a random thing out of the blue happened and it just proved how God can move on a person's heart. well it proved to me that it is in His heart to answer my request, just how i asked Him to. kind of like (and i don't know how else to put it..) He is desperate that i see His love and no longer deny the power of it. like He asked me for something to show me how the Blood of His Son could be shown in such a clear way that i could not deny the love in that sacrifice. (i have great head knowledge... but when it gets inside that I AM LOVED and nothing can separate me from that love, no person, thing, attitude, circumstance, choice......) that His Son is enough to clear me of ALL.... and i can and will be loved in spite of the life i have lived... umm powerful freedom here!!!!
wow i am stoked. it is such a simple request now that i look at the prayer, but to have it done - well kind of like - well - what words can express it????? God is good always.
can't wait to tell you the news and how He put it together.
went grocery shopping. then bob took us (me, and in-laws) to see his work site. it was a nice tour. lot has changed since i was there last.
bob napped, then spent some quality time with me :). then i put together dinner. we headed to cosmo and then finally here i am ready to sleep. (hope for a bit more quality time, but may have to let that one go....)
i got to chat with a wonderful lady from watkins glen today. i wanted to give her an update of how God has been moving. i admit that this situation has been worth everything that God has done. as stinky as it has been and as much as i would rather have not experienced the pain - well actually i just have to shout out - AMAZING GOD. He is bringing me to the place to KNOW what it is to be loved. i know my value is not found in what anyone says of me, i am not trash to be thrown away, and i am of the utmost value - i deserve the best God has to offer. so different than i have ever thought before now.
it was strange to come to the realization i had put so much on the opinion of a single person. that a person, who did not want that responsibility in the first place i might add, could determine how i saw my value.
wow, talk about giving the enemy a place to hang out, throw a party, and bring friends.... anyway, that person no longer is on the throne of my heart, i have asked God to take His rightful place in my life. i am getting a clearly defined picture of being.
this week i am asking God to show me how to trust Him on a level i have never given up. and to trust Him, well there is going to be a revelation of love so perfect that it will make trusting Him happen like i have never known. to see the heartbeat of God when He looks at me, and He sees the perfect work of Christ - done, finished. well that is a bit overwhelming.
just to get some of my bragging rights on Him out there - two days ago i sat on the couch and said something to the tune of: "God i want to see (this specific thing) happen. (in my mind the thought 'how ridiculous to ask for something so simple and "pathetic"'.) Father, this (happening) is HUGE to me. (tho i wanted to say 'this is such a small and unimportant thing, but i want it anyway'. something else hit me before i could say it - this is the biggest deal to me right here, right now. if God were to show me His love, this would be the way - this answer is powerful.) i want it to happen just like this "x", "y", "z" and be done (here). and i know that You are in the details, that it is not foolish to ask, because You are waiting for me to ask You very specifically to show me Your love. i know that if You do (this) it is going to set me free to see You love me unquestionably. (this desire) is huge in me and has been all my life. i know You will answer me." i thought "hmm don't want to not have this happen and then question God's love." and then today when i went in to work a random thing out of the blue happened and it just proved how God can move on a person's heart. well it proved to me that it is in His heart to answer my request, just how i asked Him to. kind of like (and i don't know how else to put it..) He is desperate that i see His love and no longer deny the power of it. like He asked me for something to show me how the Blood of His Son could be shown in such a clear way that i could not deny the love in that sacrifice. (i have great head knowledge... but when it gets inside that I AM LOVED and nothing can separate me from that love, no person, thing, attitude, circumstance, choice......) that His Son is enough to clear me of ALL.... and i can and will be loved in spite of the life i have lived... umm powerful freedom here!!!!
wow i am stoked. it is such a simple request now that i look at the prayer, but to have it done - well kind of like - well - what words can express it????? God is good always.
can't wait to tell you the news and how He put it together.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
God Sees Something Different I Want To See Different Too
i am almost done with the day. my in-laws have arrived and are chatting with bob. good to have them here.
tonight was nice at work - not too busy. tho i ran into several odd hairs - had technology glitches, copies needing to be made (forever), and my in-box gets full - who am i kidding, it is running over. so it was full tonight, oh and i went in earlier than usual.
i am realizing something tonight. when you love God. even when it seems the world around is crashing down around you, EVERYTHING works out for your good. God can do nothing bad. He is always seeing the best and finished work. i like Him as my friend, and He is even great at disciplining me :).
i hear people talking about situations and issues - that really they have no need to discuss (but that may be me judging others judgment.... hmmmm) - and really the Bible is clear that we, who love God will be watched over and kept in His perfect will - hard to screw that one up.....
He works all things together for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (that would be people that are His...). and we make plans, but God directs our path. we are all human - when did christians start demanding that other christian people be perfect, make all the correct choices, and have perfect lives????? it is God's will and character being perfected in us that we call "life's journey". we don't ask Jesus to be Lord and then *poof* are perfect. (i mean i still have a lot of issues that are not perfected, they may never get fixed, but it is my purpose to know God and be what He wants me to be.) so i am going to do my best to trust God to help me get through life. 'cuz i have no way to get myself through all the stuff. i am truly helpless to change a bit of my life, but GOD, now He has a way to get things done.
man, i don't want to judge - God help me to not set anyone in stone as unchangeable. help me to not look at people and think i know what is on the inside. God i am in a perfect place - Your hands, and i don't want to judge anyone. we are all just peoples here, i want to offer grace. i very much want to have grace extended.
tonight was nice at work - not too busy. tho i ran into several odd hairs - had technology glitches, copies needing to be made (forever), and my in-box gets full - who am i kidding, it is running over. so it was full tonight, oh and i went in earlier than usual.
i am realizing something tonight. when you love God. even when it seems the world around is crashing down around you, EVERYTHING works out for your good. God can do nothing bad. He is always seeing the best and finished work. i like Him as my friend, and He is even great at disciplining me :).
i hear people talking about situations and issues - that really they have no need to discuss (but that may be me judging others judgment.... hmmmm) - and really the Bible is clear that we, who love God will be watched over and kept in His perfect will - hard to screw that one up.....
He works all things together for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (that would be people that are His...). and we make plans, but God directs our path. we are all human - when did christians start demanding that other christian people be perfect, make all the correct choices, and have perfect lives????? it is God's will and character being perfected in us that we call "life's journey". we don't ask Jesus to be Lord and then *poof* are perfect. (i mean i still have a lot of issues that are not perfected, they may never get fixed, but it is my purpose to know God and be what He wants me to be.) so i am going to do my best to trust God to help me get through life. 'cuz i have no way to get myself through all the stuff. i am truly helpless to change a bit of my life, but GOD, now He has a way to get things done.
man, i don't want to judge - God help me to not set anyone in stone as unchangeable. help me to not look at people and think i know what is on the inside. God i am in a perfect place - Your hands, and i don't want to judge anyone. we are all just peoples here, i want to offer grace. i very much want to have grace extended.
Stuff And Questions
wow - now i have no idea what i have been doing, but it seems i have signed up for all sorts of online stuff. so now i have a RSS feed (and here), i am on twitter, and i think i have done a lot of reading things i don't understand. (times like this that i wish i could call dad and say to him "design a webpage????!!!! what the heck? how do i do that? and what is all this code stuff???") but i guess i can trip through it all - and maybe meet some interesting folk that can help me along the way.
i am also going to try and learn how to post podcasts/videos - those may be two entirely differently things and i just don't know it yet.....
so today... has been good. i am finally getting ready for my in-laws to arrive tomorrow night. i have been cleaning the past month with that in mind, yet every time i got something done it would get trashed. i.e. steam clean the carpets and the cat pees on it... sooo i may have some touch up to do. actually - too late. they are here tomorrow, well maybe i can add it on the list....
today was the ladies study. we had a time of worship - singing of songs. and then we had brunch. wonderful time and full of gabbing. it is so nice to do that. funny how women get together and STILL don't talk... imagine that.
i came home and signed up for feeds and well stuff i can't type about because i don't understand a bit of it yet.... and that took me a bit of time :). then i showered and got ready for work. let the dog out, locked up the cats, and headed out - oh and i let the dog in b4 i left... (hehehe)
work was fine. it was nice to have a bit of down time actually. the past weeks have been full. we are doing A LOT of orientations/registrations this month. seems there are at least 3 a week and they are all over oklahoma and kansas. i help put packets together - time consuming - and find myself getting pulled several different directions. it is nice to be busy, and i love helping people (even when they are stressed and pushing it my way - i am quickly learning what has nothing to do with me and letting it go.. )
now i am sitting here at the computer, cat hanging on my desk, and dog at my feet - typing nonsense. (i am also noticing ants crawling around on my desk - guess it is time to get some spray out.)
and my big questions - what is it to know and acknowledge that Jesus has paid for all i would do, am doing, and have done? how do i let go and let God take care of things? and when do i quit expecting a perfect reaction from myself and just be human? hmmm good questions. any comments?
work was fine. it was nice to have a bit of down time actually. the past weeks have been full. we are doing A LOT of orientations/registrations this month. seems there are at least 3 a week and they are all over oklahoma and kansas. i help put packets together - time consuming - and find myself getting pulled several different directions. it is nice to be busy, and i love helping people (even when they are stressed and pushing it my way - i am quickly learning what has nothing to do with me and letting it go.. )
now i am sitting here at the computer, cat hanging on my desk, and dog at my feet - typing nonsense. (i am also noticing ants crawling around on my desk - guess it is time to get some spray out.)
and my big questions - what is it to know and acknowledge that Jesus has paid for all i would do, am doing, and have done? how do i let go and let God take care of things? and when do i quit expecting a perfect reaction from myself and just be human? hmmm good questions. any comments?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
I Like Me - When It Involves God
today (and i think parts of yesterday too) looked like it was going to be a rough day. there were good things happening, but i just felt so heavy. i went to God often, but felt such sadness and distress that i could barely speak to Him. so much heaviness. (and i was feeling a lot of condemnation and judgment.) i just could not seem to get a break.
i would worship Him, and He would bring scripture to mind of showing me how to deal with whatever was on my mind at the time. i would read His Word, and see amazing things about the kings and their leadership. yet it did nothing to change what seemed to be hanging over me. i spent time praying, it seemed i just wanted to cry out about the unfairness of my situation and how helpless i find things. (i know all this is a lie - there is no situation that i can not handle while leaning on the strength of the Holy Spirit, and God is my hope for full restoration in every part of my life - ALL PARTS!!!)
i know not to walk by sight, but by faith. that what i see has nothing to do with what God is doing in our hearts. sooooo tonight, when i spoke with mom about some things, it all began to break. just hearing her speak to me with her loving way. the way i know God wants me to hear Him. His loving me, when i am not perfect, heck just the fact that He loves me. knowing all i am, all i want to be, all that is in my heart, all that goes on in my mind, the motives - good, bad, ugly... - all of it. just love. that is what i heard from mom. and because i had been allowing myself to live under condemnation and judgment i could not hear the love of God. hmmmm sweet surrender, sweetness in all He does.
tonight, FINALLY!!!, able to express wonderful words with song. (i like to sing - a lot - and so i go around the house humming and singing whatever is in my heart.) and i could tell God was pleased, actually i knew, He was giving me words.
do you know that when He looks at you He sees perfection - His creation just as He meant it to be??? He says "hey come check out this beautiful woman/majestic man, aren't they something?" "I am so pleased at the work of My hands. i really like what they are." "they are pleasing to Me." what power in those words. what love, sets the captive and bound heart free. kinda sounds like a scripture somewhere -
i would worship Him, and He would bring scripture to mind of showing me how to deal with whatever was on my mind at the time. i would read His Word, and see amazing things about the kings and their leadership. yet it did nothing to change what seemed to be hanging over me. i spent time praying, it seemed i just wanted to cry out about the unfairness of my situation and how helpless i find things. (i know all this is a lie - there is no situation that i can not handle while leaning on the strength of the Holy Spirit, and God is my hope for full restoration in every part of my life - ALL PARTS!!!)
i know not to walk by sight, but by faith. that what i see has nothing to do with what God is doing in our hearts. sooooo tonight, when i spoke with mom about some things, it all began to break. just hearing her speak to me with her loving way. the way i know God wants me to hear Him. His loving me, when i am not perfect, heck just the fact that He loves me. knowing all i am, all i want to be, all that is in my heart, all that goes on in my mind, the motives - good, bad, ugly... - all of it. just love. that is what i heard from mom. and because i had been allowing myself to live under condemnation and judgment i could not hear the love of God. hmmmm sweet surrender, sweetness in all He does.
tonight, FINALLY!!!, able to express wonderful words with song. (i like to sing - a lot - and so i go around the house humming and singing whatever is in my heart.) and i could tell God was pleased, actually i knew, He was giving me words.
do you know that when He looks at you He sees perfection - His creation just as He meant it to be??? He says "hey come check out this beautiful woman/majestic man, aren't they something?" "I am so pleased at the work of My hands. i really like what they are." "they are pleasing to Me." what power in those words. what love, sets the captive and bound heart free. kinda sounds like a scripture somewhere -
Chapter 61
The work of Christ
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:1-3 (King James Version)
Chapter 61
The work of Christ
1 The Spirit of the Lord Jehovah is on me, Because Jehovah did anoint me To proclaim tidings to the humble, He sent me to bind the broken of heart, To proclaim to captives liberty, And to bound ones an opening of bands. 2 To proclaim the year of the good pleasure of Jehovah, And the day of vengeance of our God, To comfort all mourners. 3 To appoint to mourners in Zion, To give to them beauty instead of ashes, The oil of joy instead of mourning, A covering of praise for a spirit of weakness, And He is calling to them, `Trees of righteousness, The planting of Jehovah--to be beautified.'
Isaiah 61:1-3 (Young's Literal Translation)
Chapter 61
The LORD Will Anoint His Servant With His Spirit
1 The Spirit of the Almighty Lord is with me because the Lord has anointed me to deliver good news to humble people. He has sent me to heal those who are brokenhearted, to announce that captives will be set free and prisoners will be released. 2 {He has sent me} to announce the year of the Lord's good will and the day of our God's vengeance, to comfort all those who grieve. 3 {He has sent me} to provide for all those who grieve in Zion, to give them crowns instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of {tears of} grief, and clothes of praise instead of a spirit of weakness.
They will be called Oaks of Righteousness, the Plantings of the Lord, so that he might display his glory.
They will be called Oaks of Righteousness, the Plantings of the Lord, so that he might display his glory.
Isaiah 61:1-3 (God's Word)
i can't help but put it as many times as i can. it is beautiful to read and amazing when it hits you and you know it is true. the three verses are great!! i am pointing to verse 1 - there is good news for the humble, healing for the brokenhearted, and freedom for the captives, comfort for those that grieve, etc etc etc. beautiful promises. and, He promises to exact justice.there is something i am learning - i MUST offer mercy and let those i hold to account for whatever wrongs done to me, go. i can not hold people accountable for what they do against me. it puts me in a kind of bondage - trying to make them pay and point out their blame (they really don't want to hear it either...) - and it is not my job. if i hold onto that unforgivness then God can't work with them. so all in all it is just better to let it go. i will be healthier and better off in all ways. tough lesson to get down.... in truth i don't want others to pay. i want to give mercy, i like acting in love. even when it is hard.
and i know i have hit on that before - the forgiveness issue. again i am reminded of a scripture - 21 Then Peter came and said to him, Lord, what number of times may my brother do wrong against me, and I give him forgiveness? till seven times? 22 Jesus says to him, I say not to you, Till seven times; but, Till seventy times seven.
Matt 18:21-22 (Bible in Basic English)
this means that God/Jesus knew there was a chance that whoever was doing wrong against another might not get it changed the first time, second time, fiftieth time.... the point being - i don't have to get it perfected right now. habits take time to break and God is willing to take that time to get it broken. (also i have to forgive 70 x 7 too....., so i can't get away with holding to account anyone anyways.... arrrggghhh - but then i would be held accountable..... hmm going to quit thinking on it right now you get the pict right??)
why would i hold myself to a standard that demands i get it right immediately if Jesus did not demand it? (now that is not to say i just keep doing the wrong because people have to forgive me - the balance is to be truly intending to not repeat the wrong. when we are open to changing, God can help us and we will learn each time we have to go through the steps.... God is liberating and loving..) and the truth is I DON'T WANT TO HURT OTHERS OR DO WHAT IS WRONG. it is not the intent of my heart to be "bad". i want to bless others and love them, i want them to prosper - i am a child of God i want to act like He does...!!
so just in time God pulled me out of what appeared to be a tough couple of days. He doesn't let me stay there for very long. it is very good of Him. and He causes me to like who i am in Him - that beautiful (inside and out) daughter that reminds Him of Himself ;).
Sunday, March 9, 2008
HEY HEY HEY!!!!!
hey hey hey, guess what????
i feel like a little kid that just learned something and i have to share it with people i love. i was going over the Lord Is My Shepherd scripture - i actually started quoting somewhere in the middle of what i have discovered is verse 2 - He leads me beside peaceful waters. (only i memorized it with "still" instead of "peaceful".) (i have been instructed to find God as "PEACE". peace beyond my understanding, prince of peace, etc.. and the peaceful waters part came to me this a.m.) so anyways.... i quoted the chapter as i could remember the words, verses mixed up and lines inverted with other lines... and it hit me - smack in the forehead.
(hold on now) WHEN I CHOOSE TO WALK THROUGH THE DARK VALLEY OF DEATH (this is a place God would not guide us into). He is loving and always for our good, so when i choose a path He does not endorse, when i go off on a tangent of my own making and choosing, when i turn away from Him (life) and choose a path of dark, death (NOT OF GOD BECAUSE THERE IS NO DEATH IN HIM!!!!) catch the rest of the verse - because YOU are with me (He NEVER leaves us or forsakes us - especially when we are choosing to go where He doesn't want us to go. He knows we will need Him on that path, He is not afraid of it and will not leave us.) i fear no harm. Your rod and Your staff give me courage.
i learned the king james version of Psalms 23....
the last half of 4 says i will fear NO EVIL (evil seems to encompass much more than "mere" harm...)
14 What can we say—that God is unfair? That's unthinkable! 15 For example, God said to Moses, “I will be kind to anyone I want to. I will be merciful to anyone I want to.” 16 Therefore, God's choice does not depend on a person's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. (my emphasis) 17 For example, Scripture says to Pharaoh, “I put you here for this reason: to demonstrate my power through you and to spread my name throughout the earth.” 18 Therefore, if God wants to be kind to anyone, he will be. If he wants to make someone stubborn, he will. 19 You may ask me, “Why does God still find fault with anyone? Who can resist whatever God wants to do?” 20 Who do you think you are to talk back to God like that? Can an object that was made say to its maker, “Why did you make me like this?” 21 A potter has the right to do whatever he wants with his clay. He can make something for a special occasion or something for everyday use from the same lump of clay. (my emphasis) 22 If God wants to demonstrate his anger and reveal his power, he can do it. But can't he be extremely patient with people who are objects of his anger because they are headed for destruction? 23 Can't God also reveal the riches of his glory to people who are objects of his mercy and who he had already prepared for glory?
for my situation and other people's situations. those that love Him will find they are seeing mercy and goodness in the tough times because God chooses to be merciful. if you know people, or you yourself, who are going in a direction that is against God's best and His plan of prosperity in your life (prosperity = everything you need and more so you can help others....) take courage, God is doing everything to bring them/you back to His perfect will.
HE IS SOOOOO COOL.
thank You, God, for being my Peace in the midst of life storms, my Prince of Peace, leading me beside peaceful waters, thank You.
i feel like a little kid that just learned something and i have to share it with people i love. i was going over the Lord Is My Shepherd scripture - i actually started quoting somewhere in the middle of what i have discovered is verse 2 - He leads me beside peaceful waters. (only i memorized it with "still" instead of "peaceful".) (i have been instructed to find God as "PEACE". peace beyond my understanding, prince of peace, etc.. and the peaceful waters part came to me this a.m.) so anyways.... i quoted the chapter as i could remember the words, verses mixed up and lines inverted with other lines... and it hit me - smack in the forehead.
Chapter 23
1 A psalm by David.The Lord is my shepherd. I am never in need. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside peaceful waters. 3 He renews my soul. He guides me along the paths of righteousness for the sake of his name. 4 Even though I walk through the dark valley of death, because you are with me, I fear no harm. Your rod and your staff give me courage.
5 You prepare a banquet for me while my enemies watch. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows.
6 Certainly, goodness and mercy will stay close to me all the days of my life, and I will remain in the Lord's house for days without end.
5 You prepare a banquet for me while my enemies watch. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows.
6 Certainly, goodness and mercy will stay close to me all the days of my life, and I will remain in the Lord's house for days without end.
Psalms 23:1-6 (GW)
starting with vs. (verse) 2 HE makes me lie down, HE leads me, HE renews me (my - soul), HE guides me, .... THEN in verse 4 - even tho i walk ..... this is what hit me like a cold cup of water. in the other lines it is HE, in 4 it is me, my choice.(hold on now) WHEN I CHOOSE TO WALK THROUGH THE DARK VALLEY OF DEATH (this is a place God would not guide us into). He is loving and always for our good, so when i choose a path He does not endorse, when i go off on a tangent of my own making and choosing, when i turn away from Him (life) and choose a path of dark, death (NOT OF GOD BECAUSE THERE IS NO DEATH IN HIM!!!!) catch the rest of the verse - because YOU are with me (He NEVER leaves us or forsakes us - especially when we are choosing to go where He doesn't want us to go. He knows we will need Him on that path, He is not afraid of it and will not leave us.) i fear no harm. Your rod and Your staff give me courage.
i learned the king james version of Psalms 23....
the last half of 4 says i will fear NO EVIL (evil seems to encompass much more than "mere" harm...)
David's confidence in God's grace
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Psalms 23:1-6 (KJV)
so i see this as a great thing: when i choose to follow a path that is not good for me - when anyone chooses to go on a path that is not the best - God is with me (them, us..) and there is nothing to fear. there is nothing strong enough to detour me from the plan God has. He is BIG, POWERFUL, LOVE - and love draws even the hardest heart out.14 What can we say—that God is unfair? That's unthinkable! 15 For example, God said to Moses, “I will be kind to anyone I want to. I will be merciful to anyone I want to.” 16 Therefore, God's choice does not depend on a person's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. (my emphasis) 17 For example, Scripture says to Pharaoh, “I put you here for this reason: to demonstrate my power through you and to spread my name throughout the earth.” 18 Therefore, if God wants to be kind to anyone, he will be. If he wants to make someone stubborn, he will. 19 You may ask me, “Why does God still find fault with anyone? Who can resist whatever God wants to do?” 20 Who do you think you are to talk back to God like that? Can an object that was made say to its maker, “Why did you make me like this?” 21 A potter has the right to do whatever he wants with his clay. He can make something for a special occasion or something for everyday use from the same lump of clay. (my emphasis) 22 If God wants to demonstrate his anger and reveal his power, he can do it. But can't he be extremely patient with people who are objects of his anger because they are headed for destruction? 23 Can't God also reveal the riches of his glory to people who are objects of his mercy and who he had already prepared for glory?
Romans 9:14-23 (GW)
why put that scripture in here? - GOD does what He wants. He is merciful, and just because i choose to go one way or another God can and will still be merciful. because HE IS LOVE - He will use any situation to draw us back. God doesn't lead us into that path of destruction, He is always drawing us toward what is good and beneficial (even tho it hurts sometimes. look not giving your child that fourth helping of dessert hurts their feelings and makes them want to call you names behind your back {tho that should be nipped in the bud asap...!!!!} but it is for their benefit to not eat all that.)for my situation and other people's situations. those that love Him will find they are seeing mercy and goodness in the tough times because God chooses to be merciful. if you know people, or you yourself, who are going in a direction that is against God's best and His plan of prosperity in your life (prosperity = everything you need and more so you can help others....) take courage, God is doing everything to bring them/you back to His perfect will.
HE IS SOOOOO COOL.
thank You, God, for being my Peace in the midst of life storms, my Prince of Peace, leading me beside peaceful waters, thank You.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday Women's Study
today's topic - fighting for beauty - flawed but authentic - fighting with accessories.
why all the emphasis on ageless beauty? - there is a desire for the old to become new, actually a God-given desire to see old become new. the world shows a mere shadow of what God wants to happen, the church should be experiencing old becoming new. (all the make-over shows, we see something have a wonderful change - whether it is a person or home, something that is needing a change gets improvement.)
why all the emphasis on ageless beauty? - there is a desire for the old to become new, actually a God-given desire to see old become new. the world shows a mere shadow of what God wants to happen, the church should be experiencing old becoming new. (all the make-over shows, we see something have a wonderful change - whether it is a person or home, something that is needing a change gets improvement.)
we often believe that if we have beauty we will be loved - there is a connection between the longing of being loved and beauty. we want to be surrounded by beauty - seeing it in everything around us.
1 Corinthians's 2 :9-10 says that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. the Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God." we have not gotten the picture of what God is trying to do. we watch but do not see, we listen but do not hear. again what we experience is only a shadow of what God has prepared to come. the longing for beauty and youth calls us back to Him. we long for the eternity and immortal. the qualification is that we love Him - YEA!!! everyone has that ability. if it depended upon Him loving us we would tend to not FEEL worthy or qualified - we would miss seeing the fullness of what God is doing simply because we would listen to the lie that we are not qualified.
Ecclesiastes 3: 11-12 "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." it doesn't say He will make everything beautiful, but HE has made everything.... all things, not just some, everyone, not just some, are seeded with beauty. the hope and promise is that we each ARE beautiful.
we need someone with a different perspective to face what is overwhelming. He gave us the wise Counselor - Holy Spirit, His Spirit, Wisdom... etc. John 14:16 "and I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever..." anything overwhelming can be handled/faced with the strength and abilities God has provided us in the Holy Spirit.
each day should be better than the last. many times we focus on the day we accepted Christ as Savior. we stay there and believe that was the best day of our life. it should be the beginning of a life full of wonders. (we are living on a plane that is so base most of the time. we do not realize the power that comes with freedom from our situations, attitudes, and the junk that keeps us prisoners.) as we grow closer to Him each day should be brighter. Proverbs 4:18 "the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."
DON'T BE DECEIVED. the greatest poverty comes when we fail to realize what we have, (the very Creator and all at His disposal.) and who we are (joint heirs, sons and daughters of the most high God, royalty). we should look differently on every level and not live in the shadows - we should have a fear of being in the shadows (allowing our life to be in shambles) and not living in the light. (place where life is in God, even when the conditions seem out of sort - that peace that comes only from Him.)
the last enemy is death - scripture also says that we have eternity in our hearts - causing us to desire life and want to live. our bodies were never meant for death, destruction, loss, disease, pain - we have a hard time accepting these conditions. death is uncomfortable because we are made for life. we were never meant to perish. God knew death was scary to us. He even changed the terminology, used for death, in the Bible - He used the word "asleep". death means lost/gone, sleep means rest. being asleep takes the sting out of the word "death" - for those who know they are God's children there is nothing to fear. being asleep we will wake and experience eternity in God's presence. there is no loss when you sleep, there is a time to wake.
we naturally tend to fight death, loss, destruction, illness, etc on every plane we can - we hate these things. they are actually the opposite of God - He is life, provision, restoration, health, etc.
a side note here - God finishes something first then gives the answer, before the problem exists. He did not wait until man sinned to offer Jesus as our sacrifice (Jesus was the lamb slain before the foundations of the world. Jesus was set in place before the beginning of the fall.). this goes to show that God provided answers before there were problems. He knows of the depravity of mankind and offered a solution - Jesus, the perfect sacrifice for us. 1 Corinthians 15:26 "the last enemy to be destroyed is death." 1 Corinthians 15:54 "...then the saying that is written will come true: death has been swallowed up in victory." 1 Corinthians 15:51 "listen, i tell you a mystery: we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed." by sleep it means death not actually sleeping - changing the word. we will all be changed - altered, transformed, or revolutionized.
1 Corinthians 15:54 "...when the perishable has been clothed with imperishable, mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'death has been swallowed up in victory.'". we are destined for victory, beauty is in our future. the enemy is afraid i will look in the mirror and see who i really am, become who i am. 2 Corinthians 4:16 "therefore we do not lose heart. though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." i am being renewed day by day, not to remain the same and in the same mess... He makes us over and flips us inside out. christian women can be lovely throughout their entire lives, beauty doesn't mean i look like everyone else. God loves uniqueness, wants us to be exactly who He made us. the enemy doesn't want me to see who i really am - yet the world is waiting and expecting someone to be who they really are. the beautiful, free, lovely woman.
FLAWED BUT AUTHENTIC
God is not looking for perfect people - but people with a perfect heart - BIG difference (so glad, because i keep trying to be perfect and it just is not working out well.... but He can change my heart and there is such goodness there because of Him. shout out to God.. )
real vs. authentic. God wants more than real from us. real wood becomes real ashes - this is likened to a christian acting against the nature of God "carnal". heat and pressure only make them act ugly. authenticity comes from the fire - refined and stronger. fire authenticates us. it will make us refined and stronger - but more ugly or beautiful in our actions???? when you ask God to have His way in your life it will bring His fire. (i DO remember asking for this.... shoot. it was a dangerous prayer - He answered it and it is not comfortable....) who you are in the uncomfortable fire is who you are. (i thought this was soooo cool because i just blogged about what God showed me with the wood in the fire and i wanted to liken it to a diamond and not just ashes. God has been preparing my heart and confirming things in multiple ways... not that it makes any of this stuff easier mind you, just that He is here with me...)
authentic children of God respond differently. (my flesh wants to lash out and push my point and get people on my side and, and, and, and. but since i am a child of God i WILL respond differently.) we have been given the grace to respond differently, but we have to be disciplined (that is the word i have been running from for - umm...... ever...). the world should see that we are different and should be drawn to us. Romans 8:12-14 "...you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature (emphasis mine.) urges you to do. for if you keep on following it, you will perish. but if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live. for all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." (beautiful promise - i want to be disciplined and take responsibility, turning from my ways..) Luke 6:28-29 ".... bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. if someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. if someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." umm not a natural human reaction, it is of the spirit tho. never return evil for evil, but give good instead... Matthew 5:44-45 "but i say, love your enemies! pray for those who persecute you! in that way, you will be acting as true (authentic) children of your Father in heaven. for He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too." our reactions to our enemies proves our authenticity. something authentic is always authentic (consistent). who you are in private is who you are in public. the thing that authenticates the diamond is its flaws - they allow God a chance to facet something that is flawed, causing it to capture light. a flaw in our life can become a place of beauty though Him (AMEN!!! so be it!!! what has been a flaw in my life - may it become a place of beauty though Him.!!!)
and there is a message for husbands and wives - do not however go to your spouse and demand they treat you in a certain way. God does not come to us and show us how someone else is to behave toward us. He deals with the individual - me, i change...
just because something is refined it is not more durable. take crystal and glass as an example. both breakable, but the more refined is actually more fragile. women are to be fragile, to be vulnerable and tender enough that we can break easily. (this actually allows us to be compassionate and loving. not because we are broken people but because we can be broken - understanding of situations... that is a type of brokenness. also there is the simple fact that we must be broken before God so He can put us together for the best.) we are more fragile, more refined.
1 Corinthians 15:54 "...when the perishable has been clothed with imperishable, mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'death has been swallowed up in victory.'". we are destined for victory, beauty is in our future. the enemy is afraid i will look in the mirror and see who i really am, become who i am. 2 Corinthians 4:16 "therefore we do not lose heart. though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." i am being renewed day by day, not to remain the same and in the same mess... He makes us over and flips us inside out. christian women can be lovely throughout their entire lives, beauty doesn't mean i look like everyone else. God loves uniqueness, wants us to be exactly who He made us. the enemy doesn't want me to see who i really am - yet the world is waiting and expecting someone to be who they really are. the beautiful, free, lovely woman.
FLAWED BUT AUTHENTIC
God is not looking for perfect people - but people with a perfect heart - BIG difference (so glad, because i keep trying to be perfect and it just is not working out well.... but He can change my heart and there is such goodness there because of Him. shout out to God.. )
real vs. authentic. God wants more than real from us. real wood becomes real ashes - this is likened to a christian acting against the nature of God "carnal". heat and pressure only make them act ugly. authenticity comes from the fire - refined and stronger. fire authenticates us. it will make us refined and stronger - but more ugly or beautiful in our actions???? when you ask God to have His way in your life it will bring His fire. (i DO remember asking for this.... shoot. it was a dangerous prayer - He answered it and it is not comfortable....) who you are in the uncomfortable fire is who you are. (i thought this was soooo cool because i just blogged about what God showed me with the wood in the fire and i wanted to liken it to a diamond and not just ashes. God has been preparing my heart and confirming things in multiple ways... not that it makes any of this stuff easier mind you, just that He is here with me...)
authentic children of God respond differently. (my flesh wants to lash out and push my point and get people on my side and, and, and, and. but since i am a child of God i WILL respond differently.) we have been given the grace to respond differently, but we have to be disciplined (that is the word i have been running from for - umm...... ever...). the world should see that we are different and should be drawn to us. Romans 8:12-14 "...you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature (emphasis mine.) urges you to do. for if you keep on following it, you will perish. but if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live. for all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." (beautiful promise - i want to be disciplined and take responsibility, turning from my ways..) Luke 6:28-29 ".... bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. if someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. if someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." umm not a natural human reaction, it is of the spirit tho. never return evil for evil, but give good instead... Matthew 5:44-45 "but i say, love your enemies! pray for those who persecute you! in that way, you will be acting as true (authentic) children of your Father in heaven. for He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too." our reactions to our enemies proves our authenticity. something authentic is always authentic (consistent). who you are in private is who you are in public. the thing that authenticates the diamond is its flaws - they allow God a chance to facet something that is flawed, causing it to capture light. a flaw in our life can become a place of beauty though Him (AMEN!!! so be it!!! what has been a flaw in my life - may it become a place of beauty though Him.!!!)
and there is a message for husbands and wives - do not however go to your spouse and demand they treat you in a certain way. God does not come to us and show us how someone else is to behave toward us. He deals with the individual - me, i change...
just because something is refined it is not more durable. take crystal and glass as an example. both breakable, but the more refined is actually more fragile. women are to be fragile, to be vulnerable and tender enough that we can break easily. (this actually allows us to be compassionate and loving. not because we are broken people but because we can be broken - understanding of situations... that is a type of brokenness. also there is the simple fact that we must be broken before God so He can put us together for the best.) we are more fragile, more refined.
men are like a coffee mug - they can be knocked around and not destroyed, women - crystal, that needs special care. 1 Peter 3:7 "husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." (side note - women are to be treated as more fragile because the additional refinement of their nature, physical, and their emotions, not because they are weak. God/Jesus was actually a HUGE proponent of women's rights. He acknowledged them and their roll in society. the society was very dominant to women - no rights at all. all - men and women both - are joint heirs. the 5 oz coffee mug holds the same as a 5 oz crystal flute..) it is not about the vessel, but what the vessel holds. men need to speak tenderly, women are not to provoke men.
God wants to do an authentic work. He wants to impart His beauty. He wants us to respond authentically in our relationships, He wants us to be refined. We are to love those that hate us and curse us. God will make beauty of our ugliness, He will put our life in order. Beauty is our portion.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
ARRGGGGHHHH - It Is Worth It... Really
i realize patience is a virtue. i just hate having to be in the part of being patient. (umm that "being" stuff also means there is character working itself into me...)
yesterday i was reminded (while watching stuff burn in our fireplace..) that a log is consumed when it is laid down. there is even a point when breaking it helps it burn more completely. certain areas of the log were burned first, and then the fire moved on to other parts, but it did not consume the entire thing all at once. and what seemed to take forever to burn was in actuality, a short time period. so moral of the story.... to have character produced in me (liken it to a beautiful, sparkling diamond being produced - i prefer to think of a treasure coming out of the fire instead of ashes..) i must - put myself completely into what produces heat and pressure, allowing a consuming of parts of my life God has brought to my attention. (so glad He doesn't expose EVERYTHING all at once - it would probably stop my heart..) the parts can be cleansed by the fire that purifies. and what seems to take forever to produce a wonderful result is, in fact, not as long as i think it will be. (longer than i hope of course. wish a deep work could happen overnight, but that is highly unlikely...)
it was a cool picture of what happens when i surrender to the purifying of God. He turns up the coals and uses life to clear out my motives, attitudes, etc. and He is loving while it happens. anytime i call out to Him there is always an answer and strength to stay in the place and be changed, even when i want so desperately to escape and get away from it all. He promises if i will allow Him to change me, the product will be so much better than what i gave up. would have to say it is worth it.
yesterday i was reminded (while watching stuff burn in our fireplace..) that a log is consumed when it is laid down. there is even a point when breaking it helps it burn more completely. certain areas of the log were burned first, and then the fire moved on to other parts, but it did not consume the entire thing all at once. and what seemed to take forever to burn was in actuality, a short time period. so moral of the story.... to have character produced in me (liken it to a beautiful, sparkling diamond being produced - i prefer to think of a treasure coming out of the fire instead of ashes..) i must - put myself completely into what produces heat and pressure, allowing a consuming of parts of my life God has brought to my attention. (so glad He doesn't expose EVERYTHING all at once - it would probably stop my heart..) the parts can be cleansed by the fire that purifies. and what seems to take forever to produce a wonderful result is, in fact, not as long as i think it will be. (longer than i hope of course. wish a deep work could happen overnight, but that is highly unlikely...)
it was a cool picture of what happens when i surrender to the purifying of God. He turns up the coals and uses life to clear out my motives, attitudes, etc. and He is loving while it happens. anytime i call out to Him there is always an answer and strength to stay in the place and be changed, even when i want so desperately to escape and get away from it all. He promises if i will allow Him to change me, the product will be so much better than what i gave up. would have to say it is worth it.
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