Tough Times

the job continues to be a light in all this mess. such a great place to go, and it is obvious they are very thankful to have me there. makes a person feel good of course. and i seem to be catching on quickly, there is still a lot to learn i am sure, but it will all come in time. the only part that seems to have me stuck so far is the copier - a bit finicky, but isn't that the story with most copiers?

i have gotten pretty ill the past few days. some kind of sinus, chest, ear, thing with sensitivity to light. (same thing i had before the ice storm.) please, i need strength right now. i can see how a person can get pretty defeated in the mind when they are tired and it is quite a struggle right now. still no change with what bob is saying. and things seem to be getting to me more, like all my little buttons being pushed constantly. i am reminded however that when you are walking where God wants you to be, there is an attack. and in this case it is a relentless attack, never seems to let up. i find myself continually going to God for more strength and love. this is such a hard place to be in especially where there is not someone putting their arms around you telling you it will be alright. i have not gotten the knack of knowing God is right here with me - hovering as Verona puts it. i am quickly getting to where i just want things over. i am so tired, but i can not give in and say that God is not big enough to change this situation. no matter what is said to me or how things are i feel it would be saying God can not change things if i go along with what is being said to me. Verona also said it always looks darkest right before the best is about to come - i sure hope this is it.

Papa, help me.