Time - Friend or Foe?

alright, time seems to be DRAGGING along!!!! and yet i know it is the measure that God has put into place so i must not be irritated with the way it is spending.... there is a condition of "i want" that i am dealing in right now. i see this beautiful picture of happiness (mind you - happiness is only a state of mind. and only God can truly make a person happy in their circumstance. and with that i have pretty much voided anything else i want to say.... SHOOT!!!!)

so now that i have admitted that happiness only comes from God. and He has the ability to make ANY situation good by turning your heart where it needs to focus. i guess i have my answer too. (i was going to ask for any comments about how to find happiness in any given circumstance... wow i really have nothing to blog about.)

i know, i was chatting with a former boss this a.m. and realized that in my chatter i was seeing my actions in a proud way. saying how i was handling myself and i was saying that God was involved, but i really was not giving Him the full credit. and pride is a crummy thing to have working in ones life.

it is said over and over how humility and the humble (meek) are blessed and received. i often struggle with how well i think i am doing and handling things - by myself - and i must say, this situation i am going through, well i have stunk on many levels. (and this is not disparaging myself or thinking badly about myself - i just know i should not think more highly of myself than i am.)

human nature being what it is, there is no way to be good - purely good. motives sure play a big hand in all i do. if i think i am doing so well with this stuff it is not me. i have so often gone to God and told Him i hate what is being said to me, and i hate the person saying it, i am tired of being hurt and having my life turned upside down - i want what i want. that beautiful marriage with a spouse that is crazy about me and some great children. and with appearances being what they are right now, i am a mess.

God however is not surprised by anything that has happened in the past two months. He is sustaining me, and reminding me that i can not hold anyone accountable but myself. i am in charge of my reactions and the words that come out of my mouth. there is forgiveness for the past mistakes, but right now i must walk in His love and allow Him access to me and my heart.

only God is a sure thing - that He is faithful and will not leave me; only God can love me the way i should be loved; only God can provide me with strength to keep moving forward; only God, only God, ONLY GOD!!! and without Him i simply can not survive what is happening. so it is not me, because i wanted to give up the moment the words were spoken (well okay so i got really ticked off and fearful, but then as time moved on i just wanted to give up. all the pain and hurt, the disappointment....) BUT GOD DOESN'T FAIL - we do. if i give up i say that God is not able to move in my life, this marriage, anything. and so i keep holding on when i want to let go and just let things end. but God is faithful and He holds us, He moves us and He will complete what He started.

my life, my marriage, my future - it is in God's hands. He is quite capable.