i know i know, we all have times of selfishness and self-pity, but i still hate wallowing in it all. tonight i was remembering a time - well that i wish was happening right now. and i don't have it and so i got all balled up emotionally (which accomplishes nothing) and began to feel sorry for myself. and i just could not shake it. the memory seemed to follow me almost everywhere, and with it all the feeling sorry for myself - which only made me more angry with myself for not being able to put it off.
soooooo i finally remembered that i simply don't have the power to put all this aside by myself. and just because i want something so dearly doesn't mean i NEED it. God is really all i NEED - He provides my needs and i have all i need and more. so i began to thank God for the little things i see on a frequent basis, and asked for strength and power to put aside me so that He can work.
there are so many factors in a situation and i can not possibly see beginning from end. i know that if we put God first and listen to Him AND act on what He tells us, then situations change and - well it is easier to steer a moving ship, right....
i can not and will not be able to change a single thing in this situation staring me in the face. i trust God to change it. it is not my job to change hearts or minds and the more i try the more mucky it gets, so i will keep praying and moving, God will do the rest.
thank you all for your prayers - God is good.
love to you and a good night.
oh yes, i am job searching too. that in itself almost freezes me to the spot, but it is time and i know that God provides the right job. He can teach me something through the search also, it is time.
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