Jesus Said It Is Finished

i have been reading my pastor's blog. i was struck by his Day 18 entry. praying the answer not the problem. so i have been doing that. it is amazing how much better it feels to pray "Father you alone are the answer, You have the solution and can change hearts." instead of saying that i am tired and don't know if i can take anymore. i pray that "there is nothing that can overwhelm me because i can trust You, God to keep me safe. You give the one You love rest and comfort me in and through all life brings." "You are the healer of my hurts and You take the pain."

you see i don't want to be bitter, or angry. i don't like how it feels to walk around carrying all that pain and junk from my past. i am reading a book by lisa bevere titled The True Measure of A Woman, and it reminded me that if i carry all the stuff that has happened to me, or not happened whatever the case, and i bring that to my Creator and say that i am like i am because of this stuff then i can not be free of it and i cannot accept what Jesus did for me. so all that to say i no longer can bring up the past, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, those that choose to live a life rooted in Christ. (romans 8:1)

let me sum up a bit. most of my marriage has been spent recording my wrongs and everyone else's wrongs. i am certain now that i am not to do that (various reasons for this conclusion, but mostly because the Bible is clear on not doing that.). (even my own wrongs - and i sure like to remind myself of them often.) i can no longer keep those records if i want God to be able to do anything in my life. (and right now i need Him, it is very apparent that i need Him) so as He brings instances up, sometimes the same things i thought had been dealt with, i forgive the people involved and instead show mercy (i choose to not pass judgment on the people or their actions - i am not even sure what their motive was and that is between them and God.).

luke 6:37 is clear that i should not judge or i will be judged, do not condemn or i will be condemned, forgive and i will be forgiven. basically - what you do to others will be done unto you. and since i do not want to be judged or condemned but i want to be forgiven i must follow this. and in truth i find peace. when i pray the solution and acknowledge that things are out of my hands but not out of God's hands (you see there is nothing that has happened that God was surprised about or not ready for and when i am quiet and let Him work, He gets things done.) (and that is VERY HARD FOR ME - the being quiet and letting Him work part....)

so i was wrapping this "sermon" up. life is supremely harder than i thought it would be at this time of my life - expectations sure can be false when they are not expectations about what God is giving me (i may have to clarify that later) - and in the midst of it all i am doing my best to (proverbs 3:5-8) "trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths smooth. do not consider yourself wise. Fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. then your body will be healed, and your bones will have nourishment."

see God is the only one that can fix the mess we get ourselves into. and He is the only safe place to put my hope. and He will care for me no matter the decisions of others. i can and will have something better than anything i could have produced, no matter how "good" i tried to be. so i am letting go of what is behind me, pressing on toward a prize better than my dreams (and i have BIG dreams) and i will see victory. i remind myself - it is darker, harder, stinkier, ..... right before the breakthrough. we always want to throw in the towel and scream "just be done with it" before the victory sounds. but not me - God is too good and He just doesn't know how to fail, so i can't give up. verona reminds me He needs someone to work with and it mies well be me. God is so good, so strong, always faithful, loving, full of hope, bringer of peace in the storm. there is victory and satan is defeated he has no more tricks or things to throw. Jesus said it is finished.