Morning Revelation

i sat this morning to pray the Lord's Prayer and found i could not get past 'our Father'.

we are told to come to Him as little children, with child-like faith. but when you don't know what child-like faith is, what it is to trust completely and know that you are heard and accepted, that your needs will be met - all of them... well how do you go to your Father, God and know He will hear you, believe you?

i can see myself as a child standing before my Daddy (God), i don't know it yet, but i desperately want to have Him grab me and hold me close. the closest i get is 'i'm messed up here and need You to restore me.'

He takes this black mass out of my heart and begins to replace it.

i realize that He is holding back. i am not letting Him get a hold of me.

i go to Him and ask for something - it is a need, but not the REAL need. really i need His arms around me, holding me so close i know He doesn't want to let me go...

'finally' He says. 'finally I get to hold you close.' and i am undone.

i need to trust Him, i need restoration, to know how to trust Him with child-like faith, i am accepted, wanted, loved, believed... what i REALLY needed - His embrace.

He DOESN'T WANT TO LET ME GO. that is what i need. it is what He has been wanting to give me, but since i would not let Him touch me He settled with trying to fix me the best He could... not total.

He put His hand on my head and i was calmed (i had been sobbing). He placed His hand over my heart and i knew He would heal all the hurts. i could see in my mind He wanted to place His hand on my stomach - the core of my soul was what it appeared as - but did not because i am too sensitive there, He will get to that area when i am able.

He then put that arm around me and held me. peace filled me, i had questions but they were stilled 'that is not what you are here for' and i knew He was right. that situation in His capable hands, i was here to experience His love. He will restore that child innocence because He wants me to come to Him like that. unhampered by anything.

there is a lot to go through, but He is faithful. He desires that i come to Him.

i have been reading through the psalms. often what i see there seems so contradictory - the verses begin in anguish, anger, whatever is happening is blatantly spoken to God. every complaint. the verses end with thanking God for doing what needs to be done and declaring that david is right before God. honestly people, should we not have an open relationship with our Creator? should we not be able to come to Him with 'i hate this >>>. and i am angry that >>>>.'

because i have noticed when i speak these words to my Daddy, He shows me the truth... i don't hate >>> i am frustrated at the situation and very angry that the enemy is stepping all over my ground.

i love the people, and want the best for them - because the love of God is in me working its way out of me. there is great depth of compassion and love in me - God Himself is in residence there.
so let us pour out our heartfelt complaint to Him - He will hear us and believe us. then He will show us the truth, heal us and restore us to Him, making us brand new.