Monday

i am catching up on blogs - and laundry (which there seems to be a proliferation of, like rabbits in a cage..) - today. i have made it through four washes and 2 dry loads. (the dryer is just not quick at all. and i think the setting for testing the amount of moisture and it is dry according to that standard - is WAY off. the clothes still are pretty damp.) i am hoping to get another load finished before i have to head out for work. time flies sometimes... hmm that may be a thread throughout this blog.
sunday was my cousin's b-day. i didn't do a darn thing for her either. actually i am unsure the last time i did anything for her. we are nine days apart and used to have roller-skating parties 'the bomb' of parties. i loved skating. and only recently have i 'learned' to ice skate - ty bob. i miss those parties. we skated for hours and would get blisters on our feet, even with two layers of socks. (and it was cool to wear those two layers at the time, one scrunched below the other so you had two colors showing..) so i didn't do anything for her. feeling a bit jerky about that. guess i will have to give her a call... and if i keep on i will really beat myself up about it and that will do no good 'tall.
this weekend was wonderful. i love working in our 'flowerbeds'. they are needing major work - well they needed major work. i will try to get some picts up of all the garbage taken off/out and show you all the wonderful job bob did with it all. i basically tore stuff out and made piles for clean up. bob trimmed and shaped the bushes on the side of our house. cleaned out all the ivy and transplanted some to the backyard fence - hoping for privacy cover. just have to see if i can get the picts uploaded - don't have the plug-ins/software for this new (i luv it) software.
we also have a swarm of bees in the tree that bob cleared out a hunk of dead limbs from. the bees were not there while clearing but showed up just in time to cut off mowing the lawn. so the grass will grow a bit more and we will (okay, bob will) take care of the stinging friends. research showed that honey-bees should leave in a day or two. and i am counting...
so along with these two things (see top).. i have asked God for an awareness of His presence throughout today. i want to know that i am accepted and loved. it seems that i keep having this hang up - needing to know i am loved and accepted 'specially since i see so much junk in my life. He told me i have a hard time trusting Him. 'why? why would i have such a hard time trusting You when everything You have done has been good. what i see from You is goodness.' He replied that i don't trust Him because things didn't happen when i hoped they would (my timing), or how i hoped that it would (lightning striking those bad guys while in the act of badness..). and that let fear rule me. His perfect love casts out all fear. this is why i need to know His love. it will set me free from those fears. He is for my good always, He doesn't know how to be anything but love, goodness. His character. just as His name is God, His name is love, hope, grace, mercy. He is the essence of those things perfected, no ill will in Him.
Father, Daddy - get this in me. clear out what is in the way. heal me.