Catch Up

whooha (i think that is how it is spelled...) WEDNESDAY!!!! how is it time just zips by so quickly?? and for a while i thought it was dragging. what was i thinking??

k today was a beautiful day - even with the 'downpour'. it was just such a {happy} day. God keeps pouring out this joy on me. ups and downs, there is still a constant joy that is foundational to each moment. i was almost giddy by the time i got to work. yes, folks - giddy. i can't point at a reason to have been that way or a certain circumstance - but i know God was intimately involved in it somehow.

thank you to the ladies at women's group for standing with me on my prayer request. God is so faithful, so big. and i love it that He is a 'show-off'.

tonight at work i found a card on my desk with gratitudes inside for the work i am doing in this wonderful, God-provided job. (that added to the giddiness...) it is the coolest thing to work at an institution that declares "Jesus is Lord". so amazing to be in that kind of atmosphere - it allows such goodness.

i have noticed the past two weeks, it has been difficult to pull time for reading the Word. i can tell personally it is time to get back into it. and it is SOOOOO GOOD, the Word satisfies and calms. i am reading through psalms, 1 Cor, and (1 Thes) - i didn't get into the 1 Thes today, ran out of time. but it is amazing to get in there and read and be at peace. i thought it interesting that i was reading some of the scriptures that were brought up in our ladies meeting this a.m. also i am listening to a cd series Because of Jesus by connie witter - she was pointing out verses that i read this afternoon.

so i feel that i am rambling. i guess it is because a lot has been going on, and also nothing really, all at the same time. it has been so nice to be at peace since i gave up thursday night.

i finally just said 'God, i need You to step in on this one. i can't seem to get it together and stop the racing thoughts in my mind. help me.' He asked me if i would trust Him to just get me to work. amazing!! He pulled me together and got me there, through it, and home. sometime that night i asked Him to reset my brain. i felt like a computer program stuck in a cycle and the only hope was a reboot. as soon as those words were out of my mouth i noticed a peace overtake my mind. everything went quiet. (i was probably a bit in shock...) and the quiet is lasting. there is no trying to figure things out. i have a peace that again passes my understanding of this situation. amazing the goodness and grace of God to keep me on my feet.

there was a place i found myself a few weeks ago, unshakeable. i knew that God had it all in control and nothing could change that. each thought that came to mind was countered by what the Word said. fear and doubt seemed defeated. i do not know exactly what changed or how it happened - i got knocked out. shaken to the depth. my eyes flew to myself and the circumstances. i took time off from the blog and tried to pick myself up. six days felt like an eternity and i wondered if there would be an end to it all. i fell to a depth that i did not believe i could go, 'specially after i had been so assured of God and who i am in Him.

somehow He got through to me. His love encircled me, pulled me close, reassured me it was going to be okay. He has brought me again, to the place of having my eyes on Him. i feel a bit shy about jumping back to where i was, unsure of how it all crumbled. He will lift me up... ahhh so good the Word when it comes back to keep you strong. thank You for reminding me that You lift me up, You make me stand in Your strength.

so there it is - He is all (that and a bag of chips as pastor would say..)

Papa, help me keep my eyes on You. help when the doubt hits or fear attacks. You are rock solid and never changing, Your Word accomplishes what it sets out to do, it never returns without finishing. You do not lie, when You say You will do something You do it - and You will finish the work You have started, You work in me causing me to WANT to do, and be ABLE to obey You. draw me with that amazing, deepest love only You can provide. i am Yours.