Been More Than A Few Days

alright - it has been quite a few days. longer than i expected actually.

my computer went on the blitz. actually somewhere i clicked a link, downloaded a program - something - and got spywear on my computer. wow - stinky on me.

bob to the rescue!! (and somewhere here i think i need a child lock on my computer - something that will not allow me to click on links and look at videos, whatever. i cannot believe that i killed another computer - k nuf on that subject or i will continue to beat myself up.) he loaded another os and i am in heaven - love it.

i have not tried it with any of the software i use - music and video stuff - because i do not have the os installed. so it is a bit of a challenge to see how it works with my daily operations.

then i messed up and disobeyed what i believe God was telling me to do in a situation. just crumpled me. back to the old way of thinking - that everything relies on me and i have to get everything perfect. (which God never said it relied on me getting it all correct.) i often look to my own strength and abilities. forgetting that there is a desperately wicked soul being renewed. God made me righteous in Jesus, and i am being renewed in my mind to believe that what He started in me He will complete. it was a few dark days getting my mind focused. i feel that i am in the scariest place i have ever been in. and there is a gulf to cross - learning to trust God to take care of me and my business. i sure can't do it. been there, tried that... messed it up big.

i still feel a bit shaky. somewhere in my head i KNOW it is by His grace i am saved and set free, but getting to that place of rest in Him, as He works, feels quite daunting. just not sure how to find that peace filled place again.

i am so glad that He is faithful. He has completed me - i am complete in Him.

if i could just get my mind shut down. man, this is a struggle. Jesus said in this world we (i) would have struggles/trials/tribulation but He has overcome them. rest, just rest in that promise. (i think right now it would be nice to not be human.)