hey here we are wed again. (can i say - AGAIN - time sure is moving along quickly...) we had a guest speaker today - ms. pam (not really ms. but i find myself saying women's names that way..) good. check her site out, here - new ministry.
i find that we women have such common situations, and we each are desperately needing that relationship with God to survive and thrive. men need it too, desperately. we 'beings' created for this relationship and most of the time we are running from it, confused about it, and we just don't know the need we have for it. i love the way she said when you experience the relationship you find you must have it.
the connection between creator and created - why would we ever believe we can get by on just a moment here and a moment there, if ever??? created to have intimate involvement, to know and be known, by HIM. hard to explain, but once tasted He is the best substance, force, life you can ever experience.
i can see how people go from one addiction to another all searching for that fix. PEOPLE IT IS GOD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. He satisfies like no one else and nothing else can. i always thought some BODY would give me what i need. but to see God fulfil my needs using many people - mind blowing...
i love it that others need me. God gets inside me and heals stuff (ms. pam mentioned that we all have stuff/dysfunction... sin brings dysfunction, dysfunction brings painful situations....) i then have something to offer another person.. they may only hear it from me, but if God has not been able to move in my life i miss the abundance - God filling me and giving enough that i can share it with others, thereby seeing fulfilment and purpose in my life. (hmm get your mind around that one and let me know how it is... still trying it myself.)
i want to be part of the solution. i want to see others make the connection, i don't want to be the connection but part of it. God is the connection.
amazing!!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Here Again
okay, so i am just not as up to date with this thing as i hoped... i pictured putting in an entry each evening. well intentioned i guess. not to mention trying to keep up with all the other blogs i am interested in. so many people i have never met...
friday flew by. good day. not sure what i did really. oh yes, bob and i went to a movie and then dinner - where he got food poisoning. he was sick all weekend. and i am surprised it took so long to get out of his system...
sat i came to work and the computer system was not working. not able to clock in or get anything done. the class that meets here decided to move to another location. so i got to go home early. sooo nice, i was wiped out. went up to the tv studio and watched bob work with some musicians laying tracks. that was a long day. we went home and crashed - or something, i can't remember actually. oh yes, bob crashed i went to church. he really was feeling crummy.
got up early the next a.m. to go back to the studio for a band recording session. thought it was going to be just two instruments. turned into laying track for vocal, bass, drums, guitar. and there is still more to be done... poor bob. he was still so sick feeling. but he was able to finally eat for the first time since friday night. we were there from 8.40 to after 6. (i really enjoyed being there. there was a lot going on. finally bob was so tired he let me help coil xlr cables and put things away. funny how i miss helping him set up and tear down..) we went home and - oh the band was recording until after 6. we were there much later, but i finally gave up looking at the clock.. hehehehe. so we went home. bob tried to crash on the couch and i went to get some groceries. (i was wiped out too but there was nothing to have for lunches and bob is packing gear all week to move the studio next monday..?? i think.) when i got home he rubbed my neck and shoulders - screaming headache - and i felt much better. we went to bed shortly there after.
he got up early and went in to get started packing. i sure hope he is alright today.
all in all i had a great - tired, but great - time with him and the guys recording. it brought to my awareness how much i want to sing. i just ached for it.
it is something i am laying down, if anything good is going to come of this talent and ability then it will have to be something God does. i will keep my eyes open for opportunity and trust Him to lead me. and truthfully, the idea of being in a 'rock' band is probably the wrong thing to do with what He has given me. somehow these abilities are to give Him glory, even if it is just walking around my home singing to Him.
friday flew by. good day. not sure what i did really. oh yes, bob and i went to a movie and then dinner - where he got food poisoning. he was sick all weekend. and i am surprised it took so long to get out of his system...
sat i came to work and the computer system was not working. not able to clock in or get anything done. the class that meets here decided to move to another location. so i got to go home early. sooo nice, i was wiped out. went up to the tv studio and watched bob work with some musicians laying tracks. that was a long day. we went home and crashed - or something, i can't remember actually. oh yes, bob crashed i went to church. he really was feeling crummy.
got up early the next a.m. to go back to the studio for a band recording session. thought it was going to be just two instruments. turned into laying track for vocal, bass, drums, guitar. and there is still more to be done... poor bob. he was still so sick feeling. but he was able to finally eat for the first time since friday night. we were there from 8.40 to after 6. (i really enjoyed being there. there was a lot going on. finally bob was so tired he let me help coil xlr cables and put things away. funny how i miss helping him set up and tear down..) we went home and - oh the band was recording until after 6. we were there much later, but i finally gave up looking at the clock.. hehehehe. so we went home. bob tried to crash on the couch and i went to get some groceries. (i was wiped out too but there was nothing to have for lunches and bob is packing gear all week to move the studio next monday..?? i think.) when i got home he rubbed my neck and shoulders - screaming headache - and i felt much better. we went to bed shortly there after.
he got up early and went in to get started packing. i sure hope he is alright today.
all in all i had a great - tired, but great - time with him and the guys recording. it brought to my awareness how much i want to sing. i just ached for it.
it is something i am laying down, if anything good is going to come of this talent and ability then it will have to be something God does. i will keep my eyes open for opportunity and trust Him to lead me. and truthfully, the idea of being in a 'rock' band is probably the wrong thing to do with what He has given me. somehow these abilities are to give Him glory, even if it is just walking around my home singing to Him.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
End Of The Week - K Not Really...
thursday night and i am done with work for the 'week' well i work sat morning too - but my 'weekend' starts tomorrow and finishes sunday. split shift hehehehe.
i got done with work tonight and rushed to the church for a see ya later party. one of our music partners is moving to colorado. wow - i will miss her. we did not even start on a friendship, but there is something very drawing about her, and i will miss her. already has been odd not seeing her at the women's meeting on weds. anyway, i got there after people had left - very bummed to have missed it. the joys of working evenings - no evening activities ;)
today i put bread ingredients in the bread maker (i love this gadget - ty bob, great gift) and the smell filled the house..... marvelous!!! i added green spices and plenty of garlic and onion. this bread is great for lunch meat sandwiches. i also made some whole wheat pasta with a spinach and tomato sauce (wish i had pine nuts and it would have been a tomato pesto sauce...) i really do enjoy cooking. God has blessed our finances so that i am able to purchase good ingredients. it has been a desire of my heart to cook good things and have wholesome stuff to munch on. now to get my thoughts organized so that i pick up the right stuff...
robert cleaned up the garage this past weekend and found my planters. so i have pulled out some seeds and plan to get them planted this weekend. i am excited about that :). i have several kinds of basil and a parsley. wondering if i should go and pick up tomato and lettuce also green peppers.... it was fun to grow them last summer.. hoping i am not too late planting..
it is like 19 days until my 31st b-day. i really am excited, i LOVE to celebrate my birthday. no clue what to do, and i am not sure i even have people to get together (surely i can find folks that like to eat and celebrate.) twister, cake, board games, heck we have a 9-1 game table.... i even found the streamers from last year along with the dora the explorer plates (kudos bob and kathy!!! that was a great party last year....). maybe i should just plan to do something, put the party together for myself (wow sounds pretty sad....), but no one would know about it... and try as i might it would be heartbreaking to not celebrate.
then on may 25th bob and i celebrate our 6th year anniversary. i can hardly believe it. i was thinking over the way our first years have been spent, God reminded me that we will never be in a place like we have been previously and nothing will ever be the same as it is now. (i was lamenting over how much time we have been apart.) God was not having that - it is time to let go of all that and remember that each season is new and nothing will ever be the same. He is so good to us. i am proud of bob, he has done so many different things. and here we are now, God is doing great things for us, in us, and through us.
the job he is working right now is in the midst of packing up and moving to a new building. there is a lot to get done and bob is tired and sore from all the packing and moving. i massaged his back last night and felt all the muscles slipping under my fingers. he said it felt better but he would not know how much it helped until today. he did say he was relieved to find out what was happening in his back was muscle and not bone/nerve structure. (with my training in massage therapy i always assume it is muscle...) it really bothers me when he is in pain and his body does not work the way he wants it to work. i am grateful that God let me get training in massage so i could help out in that area. he has had musculature problems since high school and just assumed that was the way it was going to be... NOT ON MY WATCH!!
i do wonder about the license laws here in ok. i really don't like doing massage for money - it becomes about the $s coming in too quickly. but i want to be open if that is something God leads me into. i have people asking about it still.... i have not really prayed about it yet....
tomorrow i go and meet with a lady from this tulsafreecycle.com group to pick up some khaki pants. i am very glad to belong to this group - i have received a bike, swivel rocker with footstool, one pair of pants, and gotten rid of some tvs that were laying around not being used. it is quite a community. you can get rid of things around your home and ask for things you need. check the site..
guess i am going to check out and hit the couch till bob gets home.
nitie nite.
i got done with work tonight and rushed to the church for a see ya later party. one of our music partners is moving to colorado. wow - i will miss her. we did not even start on a friendship, but there is something very drawing about her, and i will miss her. already has been odd not seeing her at the women's meeting on weds. anyway, i got there after people had left - very bummed to have missed it. the joys of working evenings - no evening activities ;)
today i put bread ingredients in the bread maker (i love this gadget - ty bob, great gift) and the smell filled the house..... marvelous!!! i added green spices and plenty of garlic and onion. this bread is great for lunch meat sandwiches. i also made some whole wheat pasta with a spinach and tomato sauce (wish i had pine nuts and it would have been a tomato pesto sauce...) i really do enjoy cooking. God has blessed our finances so that i am able to purchase good ingredients. it has been a desire of my heart to cook good things and have wholesome stuff to munch on. now to get my thoughts organized so that i pick up the right stuff...
robert cleaned up the garage this past weekend and found my planters. so i have pulled out some seeds and plan to get them planted this weekend. i am excited about that :). i have several kinds of basil and a parsley. wondering if i should go and pick up tomato and lettuce also green peppers.... it was fun to grow them last summer.. hoping i am not too late planting..
it is like 19 days until my 31st b-day. i really am excited, i LOVE to celebrate my birthday. no clue what to do, and i am not sure i even have people to get together (surely i can find folks that like to eat and celebrate.) twister, cake, board games, heck we have a 9-1 game table.... i even found the streamers from last year along with the dora the explorer plates (kudos bob and kathy!!! that was a great party last year....). maybe i should just plan to do something, put the party together for myself (wow sounds pretty sad....), but no one would know about it... and try as i might it would be heartbreaking to not celebrate.
then on may 25th bob and i celebrate our 6th year anniversary. i can hardly believe it. i was thinking over the way our first years have been spent, God reminded me that we will never be in a place like we have been previously and nothing will ever be the same as it is now. (i was lamenting over how much time we have been apart.) God was not having that - it is time to let go of all that and remember that each season is new and nothing will ever be the same. He is so good to us. i am proud of bob, he has done so many different things. and here we are now, God is doing great things for us, in us, and through us.
the job he is working right now is in the midst of packing up and moving to a new building. there is a lot to get done and bob is tired and sore from all the packing and moving. i massaged his back last night and felt all the muscles slipping under my fingers. he said it felt better but he would not know how much it helped until today. he did say he was relieved to find out what was happening in his back was muscle and not bone/nerve structure. (with my training in massage therapy i always assume it is muscle...) it really bothers me when he is in pain and his body does not work the way he wants it to work. i am grateful that God let me get training in massage so i could help out in that area. he has had musculature problems since high school and just assumed that was the way it was going to be... NOT ON MY WATCH!!
i do wonder about the license laws here in ok. i really don't like doing massage for money - it becomes about the $s coming in too quickly. but i want to be open if that is something God leads me into. i have people asking about it still.... i have not really prayed about it yet....
tomorrow i go and meet with a lady from this tulsafreecycle.com group to pick up some khaki pants. i am very glad to belong to this group - i have received a bike, swivel rocker with footstool, one pair of pants, and gotten rid of some tvs that were laying around not being used. it is quite a community. you can get rid of things around your home and ask for things you need. check the site..
guess i am going to check out and hit the couch till bob gets home.
nitie nite.
Catch Up
whooha (i think that is how it is spelled...) WEDNESDAY!!!! how is it time just zips by so quickly?? and for a while i thought it was dragging. what was i thinking??
k today was a beautiful day - even with the 'downpour'. it was just such a {happy} day. God keeps pouring out this joy on me. ups and downs, there is still a constant joy that is foundational to each moment. i was almost giddy by the time i got to work. yes, folks - giddy. i can't point at a reason to have been that way or a certain circumstance - but i know God was intimately involved in it somehow.
thank you to the ladies at women's group for standing with me on my prayer request. God is so faithful, so big. and i love it that He is a 'show-off'.
tonight at work i found a card on my desk with gratitudes inside for the work i am doing in this wonderful, God-provided job. (that added to the giddiness...) it is the coolest thing to work at an institution that declares "Jesus is Lord". so amazing to be in that kind of atmosphere - it allows such goodness.
i have noticed the past two weeks, it has been difficult to pull time for reading the Word. i can tell personally it is time to get back into it. and it is SOOOOO GOOD, the Word satisfies and calms. i am reading through psalms, 1 Cor, and (1 Thes) - i didn't get into the 1 Thes today, ran out of time. but it is amazing to get in there and read and be at peace. i thought it interesting that i was reading some of the scriptures that were brought up in our ladies meeting this a.m. also i am listening to a cd series Because of Jesus by connie witter - she was pointing out verses that i read this afternoon.
so i feel that i am rambling. i guess it is because a lot has been going on, and also nothing really, all at the same time. it has been so nice to be at peace since i gave up thursday night.
i finally just said 'God, i need You to step in on this one. i can't seem to get it together and stop the racing thoughts in my mind. help me.' He asked me if i would trust Him to just get me to work. amazing!! He pulled me together and got me there, through it, and home. sometime that night i asked Him to reset my brain. i felt like a computer program stuck in a cycle and the only hope was a reboot. as soon as those words were out of my mouth i noticed a peace overtake my mind. everything went quiet. (i was probably a bit in shock...) and the quiet is lasting. there is no trying to figure things out. i have a peace that again passes my understanding of this situation. amazing the goodness and grace of God to keep me on my feet.
there was a place i found myself a few weeks ago, unshakeable. i knew that God had it all in control and nothing could change that. each thought that came to mind was countered by what the Word said. fear and doubt seemed defeated. i do not know exactly what changed or how it happened - i got knocked out. shaken to the depth. my eyes flew to myself and the circumstances. i took time off from the blog and tried to pick myself up. six days felt like an eternity and i wondered if there would be an end to it all. i fell to a depth that i did not believe i could go, 'specially after i had been so assured of God and who i am in Him.
somehow He got through to me. His love encircled me, pulled me close, reassured me it was going to be okay. He has brought me again, to the place of having my eyes on Him. i feel a bit shy about jumping back to where i was, unsure of how it all crumbled. He will lift me up... ahhh so good the Word when it comes back to keep you strong. thank You for reminding me that You lift me up, You make me stand in Your strength.
so there it is - He is all (that and a bag of chips as pastor would say..)
Papa, help me keep my eyes on You. help when the doubt hits or fear attacks. You are rock solid and never changing, Your Word accomplishes what it sets out to do, it never returns without finishing. You do not lie, when You say You will do something You do it - and You will finish the work You have started, You work in me causing me to WANT to do, and be ABLE to obey You. draw me with that amazing, deepest love only You can provide. i am Yours.
k today was a beautiful day - even with the 'downpour'. it was just such a {happy} day. God keeps pouring out this joy on me. ups and downs, there is still a constant joy that is foundational to each moment. i was almost giddy by the time i got to work. yes, folks - giddy. i can't point at a reason to have been that way or a certain circumstance - but i know God was intimately involved in it somehow.
thank you to the ladies at women's group for standing with me on my prayer request. God is so faithful, so big. and i love it that He is a 'show-off'.
tonight at work i found a card on my desk with gratitudes inside for the work i am doing in this wonderful, God-provided job. (that added to the giddiness...) it is the coolest thing to work at an institution that declares "Jesus is Lord". so amazing to be in that kind of atmosphere - it allows such goodness.
i have noticed the past two weeks, it has been difficult to pull time for reading the Word. i can tell personally it is time to get back into it. and it is SOOOOO GOOD, the Word satisfies and calms. i am reading through psalms, 1 Cor, and (1 Thes) - i didn't get into the 1 Thes today, ran out of time. but it is amazing to get in there and read and be at peace. i thought it interesting that i was reading some of the scriptures that were brought up in our ladies meeting this a.m. also i am listening to a cd series Because of Jesus by connie witter - she was pointing out verses that i read this afternoon.
so i feel that i am rambling. i guess it is because a lot has been going on, and also nothing really, all at the same time. it has been so nice to be at peace since i gave up thursday night.
i finally just said 'God, i need You to step in on this one. i can't seem to get it together and stop the racing thoughts in my mind. help me.' He asked me if i would trust Him to just get me to work. amazing!! He pulled me together and got me there, through it, and home. sometime that night i asked Him to reset my brain. i felt like a computer program stuck in a cycle and the only hope was a reboot. as soon as those words were out of my mouth i noticed a peace overtake my mind. everything went quiet. (i was probably a bit in shock...) and the quiet is lasting. there is no trying to figure things out. i have a peace that again passes my understanding of this situation. amazing the goodness and grace of God to keep me on my feet.
there was a place i found myself a few weeks ago, unshakeable. i knew that God had it all in control and nothing could change that. each thought that came to mind was countered by what the Word said. fear and doubt seemed defeated. i do not know exactly what changed or how it happened - i got knocked out. shaken to the depth. my eyes flew to myself and the circumstances. i took time off from the blog and tried to pick myself up. six days felt like an eternity and i wondered if there would be an end to it all. i fell to a depth that i did not believe i could go, 'specially after i had been so assured of God and who i am in Him.
somehow He got through to me. His love encircled me, pulled me close, reassured me it was going to be okay. He has brought me again, to the place of having my eyes on Him. i feel a bit shy about jumping back to where i was, unsure of how it all crumbled. He will lift me up... ahhh so good the Word when it comes back to keep you strong. thank You for reminding me that You lift me up, You make me stand in Your strength.
so there it is - He is all (that and a bag of chips as pastor would say..)
Papa, help me keep my eyes on You. help when the doubt hits or fear attacks. You are rock solid and never changing, Your Word accomplishes what it sets out to do, it never returns without finishing. You do not lie, when You say You will do something You do it - and You will finish the work You have started, You work in me causing me to WANT to do, and be ABLE to obey You. draw me with that amazing, deepest love only You can provide. i am Yours.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Weekend Over Already
alright here it is - monday already. i am amazed at how quickly a weekend goes - tho i am not going to say i have a weekend. alright i do, but i spend saturday at work and then home for just enough time to NOT take a nap and then off to church :).
sunday was a great day. we 'slept' in. bob had several things on his list to do and so i got up and followed as best i could. i was pretty tired. he cleaned a corner of the yard that had become overgrown. i gathered trash from there and moved a rock or two. he found a little turtle and it is now living in our sink - cool pet, but we are not keeping him/her because it would be my pet and i have enough to do. (they are actually quite labour intensive... keeping the temp the same, not eating in their living space because of food going bad, changing the tank and keeping it 'native', etc. etc. etc... i have enough pets)(but i still thought it would be a neat one to have around, maybe in the future..)
after bob weed ate (hehehe) the space he got out the lawnmower. so i decided to hop on my bike (well i pulled some of the wild onions we have growing in our lawn up and gathered them together first. i think i killed more than i pulled up..and then i hopped on my bike).
okay!!! the last time i rode a bike i was in 8th grade, maybe high school. it felt weird to get on that bike - not to mention i was too short to reach the pedals (bob was smirking..!!! i saw the smile in his eyes and he was trying REAL HARD to not grin... {tho i can not blame him, it was pretty funny seeing me hanging there on the seat with my toes stretched as far as i could and still plenty short of the ground...} it is very admirable how he holds his humour back at such times of stress...) so he held the bike while i wavered back and forth trying to find my balance. (oh yeah, that happened saturday..)
sunday - oh yes, i got on the bike. with the really hard seat and peddled out of the driveway. between our two cars - good manoeuvring on my part i do believe. actually i used the brakes and the front wheel moved around a lot, probably simple dumb luck i did not smack into either car (they were pretty close.)... the gear was easy and i took off. actually felt like i was ahead of the bike because it was so easy to pedal.
the wind felt great. i had no idea where i was or where i was going so i kept to a general circle. somewhere it began to get familiar.
i wondered if i needed a helmet and pads, if i was too far in the road, you know all the law stuff. what does the state of ok demand?? then i just relaxed and enjoyed it. i finally decided to change the gear because it felt so weird peddling like that and then i hit a hill. so i huffed and puffed, i think the bike may have come to a complete stop at some point while i was trying to get up that 'hill' (more like a small incline..). my legs felt like jell-o when i arrived home, but i managed to get off the bike with no mishap. i may have even looked, dare i say??, capable.. :) baby steps, baby steps, - it will be my mantra...
i stumbled over to where bob was walking the mower, i wanted him to know i did it even when it was challenging to me (what a little kid..). he asked me something that i could not even begin to understand - found out after the fourth repeat he wanted to know if i could smell the onions... (the ONIONS didn't he just see how i struggled out of the driveway, was gone FOREVER - meaning a great ride - and then back home with out a mishap, and he MUST JUST KNOW that my legs were weak and i had worked hard.) 'oh yes, i could smell them as i came up the road. great stuff.' and i followed him into the yard, he handed me a piece of plastic trash and that was that. (oh and i was probably gone only 10 minutes...)
i went inside and looked at the turtle for a few minutes then started some lunch. i knew we were both hungry and it was time to eat. hashbrowns again (we have two bags of potatoes...) and a salad with eggs and tuna - good stuff.
bob went to the garage and began pulling things out. we were going to - okay he was going to and i was going to help in any way i could... - organize the garage. he actually took the time to build a work table.
time out here - amazing man. i can not believe all the skills and talents he has. electrical, plumbing, roofing, general maintenance, welding, lawn care, linesman, audio and video, mechanical, cooks, cleans stuff up, preps work sites before working, does things methodically, measures everything twice, computer networking, software, researches and tears things apart then puts them back together, remodels, woodwork, i mean name it and he has a general knowledge, if not specific knowledge about it.. great leader too. he will also show me how to do something and let me help with it. i got to help cut plywood for his table top.
i was so amazed at the change in the garage . i want to offer suggestions about organization but instead i say over and over - his space and what would be convenient for me would not be for him. only he knows what he needs at hand and if i need to know where something is - wiper fluid - watch where he puts it and remember.. it is with great excitement that i watched this space being gone through. he will finally have a place to be.
and he can get both cars in the garage. it was a concern for him because of the hail storms.
sun evening we just hung out. he has gotten my computer os running and is still researching plug-ins and software drivers. nothing like having all this wonderful software for the computer that only works with windows os.. oh well, i know he will find it all and get the stuff up and running.
i sat this morning with my coffee and bible and just read in psalms. i was reminded that God wants praise and a life of worship - obedience to Him and His ways. as He sets me free and draws me closer i can see it is the knowledge of His great love for me that causes me to want to do what He says. i often see times of critical behaviour and belief of God which coincides with not knowing His love. when i am sure how He thinks of me and that He does want to be with me and not leave me, then i am open to Him. it is easy to surrender what i want to do, and do what He wants me to do because i see He is for my good always, no matter what i see around me.
man!!! i want to get that inside of me. the scripture in romans (8:35) 'can anything separate us from the love Christ has for us? can troubles or problems or sufferings or hunger or nakedness or danger or violent death?' (that is the new century version.) what is it like to know, KNOW that nothing can separate us from His love. that full love is mine. He is love. that word has been so carelessly thrown around my entire life.
Father, it is my prayer to know Your love. to see it and walk in it. to honestly know You do not abandon me or leave me without protection. that You care for me and do not leave me without hope. Father, i know that i have lived in the life of victim, but You say i am victorious, an overcomer, one who has won over her life situations and circumstances - my fault or not - You say wonderful about me. set me free from that old life, help me walk in the life You have given to me. i don't know what it will take, but i want You to take me there. scary or not, take me to Your love - to You.
sunday was a great day. we 'slept' in. bob had several things on his list to do and so i got up and followed as best i could. i was pretty tired. he cleaned a corner of the yard that had become overgrown. i gathered trash from there and moved a rock or two. he found a little turtle and it is now living in our sink - cool pet, but we are not keeping him/her because it would be my pet and i have enough to do. (they are actually quite labour intensive... keeping the temp the same, not eating in their living space because of food going bad, changing the tank and keeping it 'native', etc. etc. etc... i have enough pets)(but i still thought it would be a neat one to have around, maybe in the future..)
after bob weed ate (hehehe) the space he got out the lawnmower. so i decided to hop on my bike (well i pulled some of the wild onions we have growing in our lawn up and gathered them together first. i think i killed more than i pulled up..and then i hopped on my bike).
okay!!! the last time i rode a bike i was in 8th grade, maybe high school. it felt weird to get on that bike - not to mention i was too short to reach the pedals (bob was smirking..!!! i saw the smile in his eyes and he was trying REAL HARD to not grin... {tho i can not blame him, it was pretty funny seeing me hanging there on the seat with my toes stretched as far as i could and still plenty short of the ground...} it is very admirable how he holds his humour back at such times of stress...) so he held the bike while i wavered back and forth trying to find my balance. (oh yeah, that happened saturday..)
sunday - oh yes, i got on the bike. with the really hard seat and peddled out of the driveway. between our two cars - good manoeuvring on my part i do believe. actually i used the brakes and the front wheel moved around a lot, probably simple dumb luck i did not smack into either car (they were pretty close.)... the gear was easy and i took off. actually felt like i was ahead of the bike because it was so easy to pedal.
the wind felt great. i had no idea where i was or where i was going so i kept to a general circle. somewhere it began to get familiar.
i wondered if i needed a helmet and pads, if i was too far in the road, you know all the law stuff. what does the state of ok demand?? then i just relaxed and enjoyed it. i finally decided to change the gear because it felt so weird peddling like that and then i hit a hill. so i huffed and puffed, i think the bike may have come to a complete stop at some point while i was trying to get up that 'hill' (more like a small incline..). my legs felt like jell-o when i arrived home, but i managed to get off the bike with no mishap. i may have even looked, dare i say??, capable.. :) baby steps, baby steps, - it will be my mantra...
i stumbled over to where bob was walking the mower, i wanted him to know i did it even when it was challenging to me (what a little kid..). he asked me something that i could not even begin to understand - found out after the fourth repeat he wanted to know if i could smell the onions... (the ONIONS didn't he just see how i struggled out of the driveway, was gone FOREVER - meaning a great ride - and then back home with out a mishap, and he MUST JUST KNOW that my legs were weak and i had worked hard.) 'oh yes, i could smell them as i came up the road. great stuff.' and i followed him into the yard, he handed me a piece of plastic trash and that was that. (oh and i was probably gone only 10 minutes...)
i went inside and looked at the turtle for a few minutes then started some lunch. i knew we were both hungry and it was time to eat. hashbrowns again (we have two bags of potatoes...) and a salad with eggs and tuna - good stuff.
bob went to the garage and began pulling things out. we were going to - okay he was going to and i was going to help in any way i could... - organize the garage. he actually took the time to build a work table.
time out here - amazing man. i can not believe all the skills and talents he has. electrical, plumbing, roofing, general maintenance, welding, lawn care, linesman, audio and video, mechanical, cooks, cleans stuff up, preps work sites before working, does things methodically, measures everything twice, computer networking, software, researches and tears things apart then puts them back together, remodels, woodwork, i mean name it and he has a general knowledge, if not specific knowledge about it.. great leader too. he will also show me how to do something and let me help with it. i got to help cut plywood for his table top.
i was so amazed at the change in the garage . i want to offer suggestions about organization but instead i say over and over - his space and what would be convenient for me would not be for him. only he knows what he needs at hand and if i need to know where something is - wiper fluid - watch where he puts it and remember.. it is with great excitement that i watched this space being gone through. he will finally have a place to be.
and he can get both cars in the garage. it was a concern for him because of the hail storms.
sun evening we just hung out. he has gotten my computer os running and is still researching plug-ins and software drivers. nothing like having all this wonderful software for the computer that only works with windows os.. oh well, i know he will find it all and get the stuff up and running.
i sat this morning with my coffee and bible and just read in psalms. i was reminded that God wants praise and a life of worship - obedience to Him and His ways. as He sets me free and draws me closer i can see it is the knowledge of His great love for me that causes me to want to do what He says. i often see times of critical behaviour and belief of God which coincides with not knowing His love. when i am sure how He thinks of me and that He does want to be with me and not leave me, then i am open to Him. it is easy to surrender what i want to do, and do what He wants me to do because i see He is for my good always, no matter what i see around me.
man!!! i want to get that inside of me. the scripture in romans (8:35) 'can anything separate us from the love Christ has for us? can troubles or problems or sufferings or hunger or nakedness or danger or violent death?' (that is the new century version.) what is it like to know, KNOW that nothing can separate us from His love. that full love is mine. He is love. that word has been so carelessly thrown around my entire life.
Father, it is my prayer to know Your love. to see it and walk in it. to honestly know You do not abandon me or leave me without protection. that You care for me and do not leave me without hope. Father, i know that i have lived in the life of victim, but You say i am victorious, an overcomer, one who has won over her life situations and circumstances - my fault or not - You say wonderful about me. set me free from that old life, help me walk in the life You have given to me. i don't know what it will take, but i want You to take me there. scary or not, take me to Your love - to You.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday
wow time sure flies when you're having fun....?? it is saturday already. i spent the morning working then came home and watched bob working on my bike. yes, my bike. i got a free bike from a recycling group i am part of. he has been working on the tires, brakes, chain, derailers (what ever that is...), seat, alright alright, generally the entire bike. it looks great and i am excited and nervous to ride it. (have not ridden since highschool...)
i came inside and made some hashbrowns. seasoned the oil with salt, black pepper, garlic, paprika, and... nope i think that is it. i then put the potato in the pan. after a few minutes i added some onion, later some green pepper, and finally later some tomato and cut up turkey. WARNING BRAGGING AHEAD.... it was great!!
after the hashbrowns i put together some ingredients and started the bread machine. bob bought me this great bread maker our first christmas. i have not gotten to use it nearly as much as i wish. of course eating an entire loaf of bread by myself has deterred some of the excitement.... good stuff.
so the 'bread' is 'making'. i am doing (i should not take the credit for it - the machine is doing all the work...) whole wheat bread with thyme, basil, oregano, and something else, but i can't remember what it is.. will be a nice welcome when we get home tonight from church
now i am real tired, even more so than when i got up this a.m. hehehe. and there is no real time to take a nap. i am greeting tonight and need to be there at 6pm. that is in 1.5 hours and that would be just enough time to..... see ya.
i came inside and made some hashbrowns. seasoned the oil with salt, black pepper, garlic, paprika, and... nope i think that is it. i then put the potato in the pan. after a few minutes i added some onion, later some green pepper, and finally later some tomato and cut up turkey. WARNING BRAGGING AHEAD.... it was great!!
after the hashbrowns i put together some ingredients and started the bread machine. bob bought me this great bread maker our first christmas. i have not gotten to use it nearly as much as i wish. of course eating an entire loaf of bread by myself has deterred some of the excitement.... good stuff.
so the 'bread' is 'making'. i am doing (i should not take the credit for it - the machine is doing all the work...) whole wheat bread with thyme, basil, oregano, and something else, but i can't remember what it is.. will be a nice welcome when we get home tonight from church
now i am real tired, even more so than when i got up this a.m. hehehe. and there is no real time to take a nap. i am greeting tonight and need to be there at 6pm. that is in 1.5 hours and that would be just enough time to..... see ya.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Realizing Again
psalms 37-40. reading through these chapters in psalms brought me to the point, realizing in fact that i am so human and, dare i say, normal. seeing david give glory to God for all He has/is doing. i was reminded of the high i was flying with while i did that. standing on how good God has been through this trial (i would like to call it tribulation, but it may not be that BIG actually....), it was amazing. nothing could be brought to my attention that i did not have scripture to back up how God was going to take care of it all and how good He is.
THEN in 38 he begins by asking God to calm down and not beat on him anymore. he lamented about the pain and anguish, the tough times he was in and on and on. i definitely could relate with this. (was that the part where i got my eyes on myself....) the description used in the translation i was reading is exactly how i felt. i wanted to plead my case, i waited and said nothing. then i knew i should still not speak out, and yet i found myself spitting out all the sordid details anyway. over and over and over. i kept trying to shut my mouth and someone would ask, there it was again. God telling me the whole time, 'I will defend you, I will prove you. Keep it shut and see Me deliver you.' i complained to Him, i complained to others, i complained to myself... over and over. i would hear the words coming out of my mouth and just be unable to stop them, all the while thinking – this is so wrong....
i have spent the past two – three days trying to locate the instance i lost the good stuff of God. and i believe it happened when i messed up and instead of quickly giving myself back to God, i focused on my behavior and how base i was/am. it kicked me in the gut and had me. i also listened to what someone else said about me and let that sink in, wondering how i missed those evil actions, and why i was such a rotten person.
(ONCE AGAIN FOLKS – God never says those things about me/us. He may get in my face about my actions, but until He does i can not worry/concern myself with those actions. i can only deal with what He shows me. i am powerless to change myself. only He can show me the behavior and change it!)
God had shown me something specific and given me directions for what He showed me. i disobeyed and messed it up, totally giving open access to the enemy in my heart. and instead of receiving the forgiveness God was offering i sat on it and poured over my actions - forgetting THE action Christ did.
i did not think i was going to get out of all that. i am so glad God loves me and is persistent. He even brought people along to help me climb out – they may have carried me out actually. it was pretty bleak for a bit.
i finished up with psalms 40 speaking once again about God's provision and His way of bringing life to the situation as i trust Him and give Him myself. i laughed with tears in my eyes. totally unsure if i was actually crying except there was so much joy and humor at the condition i am in. knowing full well that God, Himself, is acting on my behalf, even with me.
He defends me to me – can you grasp that? there is such an onslaught of evil to steal who we are and the knowledge of Who's we are that i think God at times has to defend us to ourselves. 'I never say that about you, you are My beloved, chosen. I am unashamed to call you My friend. ...'(that was more of a personal note to me, not sure if those exact words are located as scripture verse or not, i do know that He does call me His beloved and chosen..)
i laughed because i have spoken of God's mercy and goodness to groups of people and not a week later been slammed with questioning that very goodness and mercy. just like david was saying in 40 vs. 9- end of chapter. boldly telling others how good He has been and turning around to overwhelming and defeating odds. yet knowing that God would deliver him.
once again – being unbalanced, loosing sight of center, God. He is the perspective i need, the One who offers all i need and makes it happen.
i can so easily get overloaded with all that i should be doing and am not, all that shows i am God's daughter, but not walking in. it is here, where i must draw the line and let God work in my life. i truly want goodness to flow out from my heart. He is so good and will see that it happens. (just trust Him. say it over and over to myself...) actually He works in me to be able to trust Him. funny/strange He gives me the desire, the will, the strength, the ability, the power, all i need actually. i just set my face and make the decision, take the first step. go figure, simple right?
THEN in 38 he begins by asking God to calm down and not beat on him anymore. he lamented about the pain and anguish, the tough times he was in and on and on. i definitely could relate with this. (was that the part where i got my eyes on myself....) the description used in the translation i was reading is exactly how i felt. i wanted to plead my case, i waited and said nothing. then i knew i should still not speak out, and yet i found myself spitting out all the sordid details anyway. over and over and over. i kept trying to shut my mouth and someone would ask, there it was again. God telling me the whole time, 'I will defend you, I will prove you. Keep it shut and see Me deliver you.' i complained to Him, i complained to others, i complained to myself... over and over. i would hear the words coming out of my mouth and just be unable to stop them, all the while thinking – this is so wrong....
i have spent the past two – three days trying to locate the instance i lost the good stuff of God. and i believe it happened when i messed up and instead of quickly giving myself back to God, i focused on my behavior and how base i was/am. it kicked me in the gut and had me. i also listened to what someone else said about me and let that sink in, wondering how i missed those evil actions, and why i was such a rotten person.
(ONCE AGAIN FOLKS – God never says those things about me/us. He may get in my face about my actions, but until He does i can not worry/concern myself with those actions. i can only deal with what He shows me. i am powerless to change myself. only He can show me the behavior and change it!)
God had shown me something specific and given me directions for what He showed me. i disobeyed and messed it up, totally giving open access to the enemy in my heart. and instead of receiving the forgiveness God was offering i sat on it and poured over my actions - forgetting THE action Christ did.
i did not think i was going to get out of all that. i am so glad God loves me and is persistent. He even brought people along to help me climb out – they may have carried me out actually. it was pretty bleak for a bit.
i finished up with psalms 40 speaking once again about God's provision and His way of bringing life to the situation as i trust Him and give Him myself. i laughed with tears in my eyes. totally unsure if i was actually crying except there was so much joy and humor at the condition i am in. knowing full well that God, Himself, is acting on my behalf, even with me.
He defends me to me – can you grasp that? there is such an onslaught of evil to steal who we are and the knowledge of Who's we are that i think God at times has to defend us to ourselves. 'I never say that about you, you are My beloved, chosen. I am unashamed to call you My friend. ...'(that was more of a personal note to me, not sure if those exact words are located as scripture verse or not, i do know that He does call me His beloved and chosen..)
i laughed because i have spoken of God's mercy and goodness to groups of people and not a week later been slammed with questioning that very goodness and mercy. just like david was saying in 40 vs. 9- end of chapter. boldly telling others how good He has been and turning around to overwhelming and defeating odds. yet knowing that God would deliver him.
once again – being unbalanced, loosing sight of center, God. He is the perspective i need, the One who offers all i need and makes it happen.
i can so easily get overloaded with all that i should be doing and am not, all that shows i am God's daughter, but not walking in. it is here, where i must draw the line and let God work in my life. i truly want goodness to flow out from my heart. He is so good and will see that it happens. (just trust Him. say it over and over to myself...) actually He works in me to be able to trust Him. funny/strange He gives me the desire, the will, the strength, the ability, the power, all i need actually. i just set my face and make the decision, take the first step. go figure, simple right?
Been More Than A Few Days
alright - it has been quite a few days. longer than i expected actually.
my computer went on the blitz. actually somewhere i clicked a link, downloaded a program - something - and got spywear on my computer. wow - stinky on me.
bob to the rescue!! (and somewhere here i think i need a child lock on my computer - something that will not allow me to click on links and look at videos, whatever. i cannot believe that i killed another computer - k nuf on that subject or i will continue to beat myself up.) he loaded another os and i am in heaven - love it.
i have not tried it with any of the software i use - music and video stuff - because i do not have the os installed. so it is a bit of a challenge to see how it works with my daily operations.
then i messed up and disobeyed what i believe God was telling me to do in a situation. just crumpled me. back to the old way of thinking - that everything relies on me and i have to get everything perfect. (which God never said it relied on me getting it all correct.) i often look to my own strength and abilities. forgetting that there is a desperately wicked soul being renewed. God made me righteous in Jesus, and i am being renewed in my mind to believe that what He started in me He will complete. it was a few dark days getting my mind focused. i feel that i am in the scariest place i have ever been in. and there is a gulf to cross - learning to trust God to take care of me and my business. i sure can't do it. been there, tried that... messed it up big.
i still feel a bit shaky. somewhere in my head i KNOW it is by His grace i am saved and set free, but getting to that place of rest in Him, as He works, feels quite daunting. just not sure how to find that peace filled place again.
i am so glad that He is faithful. He has completed me - i am complete in Him.
if i could just get my mind shut down. man, this is a struggle. Jesus said in this world we (i) would have struggles/trials/tribulation but He has overcome them. rest, just rest in that promise. (i think right now it would be nice to not be human.)
my computer went on the blitz. actually somewhere i clicked a link, downloaded a program - something - and got spywear on my computer. wow - stinky on me.
bob to the rescue!! (and somewhere here i think i need a child lock on my computer - something that will not allow me to click on links and look at videos, whatever. i cannot believe that i killed another computer - k nuf on that subject or i will continue to beat myself up.) he loaded another os and i am in heaven - love it.
i have not tried it with any of the software i use - music and video stuff - because i do not have the os installed. so it is a bit of a challenge to see how it works with my daily operations.
then i messed up and disobeyed what i believe God was telling me to do in a situation. just crumpled me. back to the old way of thinking - that everything relies on me and i have to get everything perfect. (which God never said it relied on me getting it all correct.) i often look to my own strength and abilities. forgetting that there is a desperately wicked soul being renewed. God made me righteous in Jesus, and i am being renewed in my mind to believe that what He started in me He will complete. it was a few dark days getting my mind focused. i feel that i am in the scariest place i have ever been in. and there is a gulf to cross - learning to trust God to take care of me and my business. i sure can't do it. been there, tried that... messed it up big.
i still feel a bit shaky. somewhere in my head i KNOW it is by His grace i am saved and set free, but getting to that place of rest in Him, as He works, feels quite daunting. just not sure how to find that peace filled place again.
i am so glad that He is faithful. He has completed me - i am complete in Him.
if i could just get my mind shut down. man, this is a struggle. Jesus said in this world we (i) would have struggles/trials/tribulation but He has overcome them. rest, just rest in that promise. (i think right now it would be nice to not be human.)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Just A Request
i will be absent for a few days. i request you lift me in prayer when i am on your mind.
thank you
God is GOOD.
thank you
God is GOOD.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Just An Update
today has been a lllloooonnnnnggggg day. i got here around 10.45am and i am feeling a bit zoned out. (it is now almost 6.30pm...) only four - 4 - more hours to go... the folks across the hall had a training session and were out of the office. i came in early to answer phones and assist with general things. our computer system was down the last 1/2 of well the earlier shift, and so i have been looking for things to do. there is of course always filing...
yesterday i went and got our taxes done. i sat waiting for 3.5 hours, wishing i had brought my book in with me. BUT they are done!!! i prayed earlier that God would help me get that step done. (sometimes life has to be taken one step at a time.)
yesterday started early too. there was a staff meeting at 9am. that was, unfortunately, very early for me. (gone are the days of going to bed at 9pm and getting up around 5.30am, being done with work around 12pm and having the rest of the afternoon to accomplish things.) i would say i am adjusted to going to bed much later (1 or 3am) and sleeping in.
tomorrow i will go to the church at 8am for worship practice for the ladies Bible study group. it is the last day of the lisa bevere 'fight like a girl' series. 12 weeks, just like that (umm like a snap....). it has been a wonderful series - i have a lot of typing to catch up with in that series.
well that it about it for now.
yesterday i went and got our taxes done. i sat waiting for 3.5 hours, wishing i had brought my book in with me. BUT they are done!!! i prayed earlier that God would help me get that step done. (sometimes life has to be taken one step at a time.)
yesterday started early too. there was a staff meeting at 9am. that was, unfortunately, very early for me. (gone are the days of going to bed at 9pm and getting up around 5.30am, being done with work around 12pm and having the rest of the afternoon to accomplish things.) i would say i am adjusted to going to bed much later (1 or 3am) and sleeping in.
tomorrow i will go to the church at 8am for worship practice for the ladies Bible study group. it is the last day of the lisa bevere 'fight like a girl' series. 12 weeks, just like that (umm like a snap....). it has been a wonderful series - i have a lot of typing to catch up with in that series.
well that it about it for now.
He Didn't Let Me Give In
okay, so today was tough. seems that there are such highs and lows along this path. God is forever steady and doesn't get all turned up side down (up-side-down?? like that? maybe...). when i listen to something that is not God speaking - all sorts of confusion and turmoil happen.
God is making it more and more apparent that anything that does not bring peace and comfort (mostly whatever disturbs the peace) is not of Him. He is a calming force. so the conclusion is that anything that brings fear into my mind, confusion, disruption of thanks giving to God, questions about His ability to take care of me and this situation, etc.... this list can go on forever - because anything negative is not of God. that could be a long list....
so again - today was tough. there was a lot of negativity attacking my mind. questions. confusion. thoughts of what lies the enemy plants about me. God's word is the authority. ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT LINE UP WITH WHAT IT SAYS IS FALSE - EVEN IF THINGS LOOK THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE WORD SAYS.
God does not lie - what He says about me is the truth. what He promises He does. and He even has to help me hold onto those promises. good news still is that i don't have to do anything to make myself more acceptable to Him so i can have His promises working in my life. He blesses me in spite of my shortcomings - why? because He is good. (i am by no means saying that He gives license to do what is against Him, doing what is not right.) it is the sacrifice of Jesus that makes me able to receive His promises and goodness. we know that works do not get us the promises. we know there is nothing in us that makes us good enough. there is nothing i can do to change my character or situation. only God has that power.
He is moment by moment changing me into what He has said about me all along - i am loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, strong,.... etc it is a wonderfully long and beautiful list. know why????? because when He looks at us He sees the completed work done through His Son, Jesus.
i know - it is mind boggling. but that means i have all i need, when i need it. God is amazing. His plan is so far advanced that we simply can not grasp it all.
if salvation relied on me i simply could not maintain goodness. there would come a point in time where i would explode nastiness all over the place. i simply can not maintain wonderful feelings and thoughts about everyone all the time. (i know i know you are shocked - right..) only God can make that change in my life - and boy do i have a ways to go still..... but He is the One to make that change in me. i can not even sustain good thoughts for 24 hours. there will come a point in time where i simply am too tired to be nice and sweet. God however gives me the strength to reply in a kind and loving manner.
have i mentioned too often that God is good?? as if i could ever mention it enough. this is a serious thing. not just the rantings of some person on the net. i have made a connection with life and am amazed at the difference. yes, there are still stinky, wish this never came my way days.. but they are redeemed by the One who loves me. somehow He takes the stinky days and pressure and causes a diamond to show up. and i can see it. that is HUGE. i can look in the mirror and know - somehow - i am changing. it has much to do with knowing i am loved and cared for. nothing can stand against me - God is for me. that is all that matters. (and this is a tough one to learn.) it matters not what anyone says - God knows the truth of the situation and He alone can change it, lifting me up and carrying me along.
i love Him because He first loved me.
draw me to You, Lord.
God is making it more and more apparent that anything that does not bring peace and comfort (mostly whatever disturbs the peace) is not of Him. He is a calming force. so the conclusion is that anything that brings fear into my mind, confusion, disruption of thanks giving to God, questions about His ability to take care of me and this situation, etc.... this list can go on forever - because anything negative is not of God. that could be a long list....
so again - today was tough. there was a lot of negativity attacking my mind. questions. confusion. thoughts of what lies the enemy plants about me. God's word is the authority. ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT LINE UP WITH WHAT IT SAYS IS FALSE - EVEN IF THINGS LOOK THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE WORD SAYS.
God does not lie - what He says about me is the truth. what He promises He does. and He even has to help me hold onto those promises. good news still is that i don't have to do anything to make myself more acceptable to Him so i can have His promises working in my life. He blesses me in spite of my shortcomings - why? because He is good. (i am by no means saying that He gives license to do what is against Him, doing what is not right.) it is the sacrifice of Jesus that makes me able to receive His promises and goodness. we know that works do not get us the promises. we know there is nothing in us that makes us good enough. there is nothing i can do to change my character or situation. only God has that power.
He is moment by moment changing me into what He has said about me all along - i am loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, strong,.... etc it is a wonderfully long and beautiful list. know why????? because when He looks at us He sees the completed work done through His Son, Jesus.
i know - it is mind boggling. but that means i have all i need, when i need it. God is amazing. His plan is so far advanced that we simply can not grasp it all.
if salvation relied on me i simply could not maintain goodness. there would come a point in time where i would explode nastiness all over the place. i simply can not maintain wonderful feelings and thoughts about everyone all the time. (i know i know you are shocked - right..) only God can make that change in my life - and boy do i have a ways to go still..... but He is the One to make that change in me. i can not even sustain good thoughts for 24 hours. there will come a point in time where i simply am too tired to be nice and sweet. God however gives me the strength to reply in a kind and loving manner.
have i mentioned too often that God is good?? as if i could ever mention it enough. this is a serious thing. not just the rantings of some person on the net. i have made a connection with life and am amazed at the difference. yes, there are still stinky, wish this never came my way days.. but they are redeemed by the One who loves me. somehow He takes the stinky days and pressure and causes a diamond to show up. and i can see it. that is HUGE. i can look in the mirror and know - somehow - i am changing. it has much to do with knowing i am loved and cared for. nothing can stand against me - God is for me. that is all that matters. (and this is a tough one to learn.) it matters not what anyone says - God knows the truth of the situation and He alone can change it, lifting me up and carrying me along.
i love Him because He first loved me.
draw me to You, Lord.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Promises
God, You are my strength, and i know You make the way when there seems to be no way.
You restore me, You lead me beside still waters, i want for nothing. You lay me in green pastures, You lead me on the path of righteousness for Your name sake. You prepare a table for me as my enemies look on wanting the goodness You have provided, my cup runs over. goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
i do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers in high places. i cast down every high and lofty thought that exults itself against the knowledge of God.
i do not walk by what i see, but by faith. faith in God that He makes my path straight, that He lifts me up, that He defends me. that He knows the truth about me. He is my foundation, my hope, my life sustenance. God ALONE.
Papa, show me Your love today. take me deeper into You. let Your TRUTH shine.
You are my hope and my help, You meet my every need.
when the days look bleak and the time i spend seems daunting. i find that there is something about "drawing" close to God. meaning i stop looking at what i see and i open the Bible. there are promises in there - God cares for me. He cares about the place i find myself in. as i let go of trying to make things happen (so easy to type the words, but without His guidance i have no clue how to even begin that process.) and say the promises, believing He makes them happen, i find there is peace. the peace doesn't make sense if you look at what is going on, but it is given in spite of the turmoil surrounding me. God can actually give me what i need when things look so desperate. He gives me sleep when worry would like to steal it. He gives me hope when others say it is hopeless. He is true, and real, and i can't live a day without seeking Him and getting my needs met. i am needy!!! and only He can love me enough, only He can heal my broken heart and body, only He can get me out of the messes life brings along. NO ONE, and NO THING can dictate what i am or who i am. only God knows the truth - and loves me in spite of it. i hurt, He can heal it.
You restore me, You lead me beside still waters, i want for nothing. You lay me in green pastures, You lead me on the path of righteousness for Your name sake. You prepare a table for me as my enemies look on wanting the goodness You have provided, my cup runs over. goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
i do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers in high places. i cast down every high and lofty thought that exults itself against the knowledge of God.
i do not walk by what i see, but by faith. faith in God that He makes my path straight, that He lifts me up, that He defends me. that He knows the truth about me. He is my foundation, my hope, my life sustenance. God ALONE.
Papa, show me Your love today. take me deeper into You. let Your TRUTH shine.
You are my hope and my help, You meet my every need.
when the days look bleak and the time i spend seems daunting. i find that there is something about "drawing" close to God. meaning i stop looking at what i see and i open the Bible. there are promises in there - God cares for me. He cares about the place i find myself in. as i let go of trying to make things happen (so easy to type the words, but without His guidance i have no clue how to even begin that process.) and say the promises, believing He makes them happen, i find there is peace. the peace doesn't make sense if you look at what is going on, but it is given in spite of the turmoil surrounding me. God can actually give me what i need when things look so desperate. He gives me sleep when worry would like to steal it. He gives me hope when others say it is hopeless. He is true, and real, and i can't live a day without seeking Him and getting my needs met. i am needy!!! and only He can love me enough, only He can heal my broken heart and body, only He can get me out of the messes life brings along. NO ONE, and NO THING can dictate what i am or who i am. only God knows the truth - and loves me in spite of it. i hurt, He can heal it.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
God Is My Humor
today i walked over to the "other side" at work. there is a drawing class on that side. as i walked through i smelled my dad's art room. brought tears to my eyes. there were times when the downstairs smelled like what i call "art smell". times when dad would be painting out in the garage and it would smell like this did. i was instantly transfered to "dad", and i am still noticing water from my eyes. wonderful smell (not really, kind of a harsh fume actually..). i miss him, he was a fun guy.
i loved his smile - lit up his whole face. and he had such great humor. he was quite funny and what he said would catch you off guard. he had "clean" humor.
my parents decided early in their marriage that they did not like sarcastic, biting humor. they looked at people and saw the cutting words and what those words did to others. so, i grew up in a home where there were not "humorous" cutting remarks being made. they did not make fun of each other's habits or looks.
i notice in my own life that i HATE cutting humor. i can not stand the way people "put others in their place" by using a harsh humor. or even just dog another person. do we not know what those words do to others??? the power of life and death, even when used as humor.
we are encouragers. our job is to not humiliate others, but to love them. God does not use words that make us feel like a worm or less than His precious child. we are to talk and act like Him.
and on that note - we can't do that on our own. God is the one to work in us to want to do what is correct AND to be able to do what is correct. if we don't rely on Him to do the work in us, we just simply won't be able to do what is right and good. it is the amazing power of God's grace working in us and giving us strength. He gives us the ability. He meets the need in our life, and causes what needs to, to be done.
God is gracious and wants the best for us, and the people we are around. He will work in us, through us, and touch others with His goodness. He is amazing.
it would seem pretty clear that God has a sense of humor. laughing brings joy and puts a smile on our face. what is good comes from Him. ask Him to help with your humor. ask for help - Father, i want to experience joy and fullness of life. help me to see the good. i want to be part of putting a smile on other's faces, and seeing them smile. Father, let me be part of Your plan. let the fullness of life in You be apparent in me and on my face. i give You the thanks for answering my prayer. thank You for abundant, overflowing into other lives, life.
God is my Hero.
i loved his smile - lit up his whole face. and he had such great humor. he was quite funny and what he said would catch you off guard. he had "clean" humor.
my parents decided early in their marriage that they did not like sarcastic, biting humor. they looked at people and saw the cutting words and what those words did to others. so, i grew up in a home where there were not "humorous" cutting remarks being made. they did not make fun of each other's habits or looks.
i notice in my own life that i HATE cutting humor. i can not stand the way people "put others in their place" by using a harsh humor. or even just dog another person. do we not know what those words do to others??? the power of life and death, even when used as humor.
we are encouragers. our job is to not humiliate others, but to love them. God does not use words that make us feel like a worm or less than His precious child. we are to talk and act like Him.
and on that note - we can't do that on our own. God is the one to work in us to want to do what is correct AND to be able to do what is correct. if we don't rely on Him to do the work in us, we just simply won't be able to do what is right and good. it is the amazing power of God's grace working in us and giving us strength. He gives us the ability. He meets the need in our life, and causes what needs to, to be done.
God is gracious and wants the best for us, and the people we are around. He will work in us, through us, and touch others with His goodness. He is amazing.
it would seem pretty clear that God has a sense of humor. laughing brings joy and puts a smile on our face. what is good comes from Him. ask Him to help with your humor. ask for help - Father, i want to experience joy and fullness of life. help me to see the good. i want to be part of putting a smile on other's faces, and seeing them smile. Father, let me be part of Your plan. let the fullness of life in You be apparent in me and on my face. i give You the thanks for answering my prayer. thank You for abundant, overflowing into other lives, life.
God is my Hero.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wow, Watch What You Put In Your Mind
this is just information on a situation. please know that God works. He turns things around and He hears our prayers. He loves oprah, He loves the people following her. He wants the best for all of them. ask Him to release His will, to let His will be done. don't just shake you head and move on saying you always knew something was wrong there or that you can't believe the lies being said. pray!! pray that the truth will set people free, that God's love will be known. when we get in line with what He says in the Bible and put our voice to it God listens. He hears us pray for others. it will be great to see what God does. He is good always. remember that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, let your mouth speak God’s word and His love in this situation.
denial that there is one way - Jesus
quite the info-mercial.
denial that there is one way - Jesus
quite the info-mercial.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Alright, Stop What You Are Doing And Listen Up
hey all - something has broken in my life and i must put out some encouragement.
there are two schools of thought - God's and not God's (i label it - the enemy). we have all been told the Bible stories, the scriptures, everything that says what God says is true. i.e. we walk by faith not by sight, God calls us redeemed, etc. BUT I SEE THAT WE DON'T WALK LIKE WE BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!
for example - how many of you live day in and day out with emotions all over the place (even if you don't outwardly show them....). i am not good, i can't do anything right, at least i can do it better than so and so, umm i wish they would get it right don't they see everything is getting messed up around them, they do so and so and such and such, i am praying for them but they don't seem to get the hint....
alright - those thoughts are led by what is not God's thoughts. i.e. - enemy. if you don't like to say there is an enemy out there or we "give him too much credit" - whatever. the fact is whether it is our 'flesh' or the 'enemy' something is going against what God says and that is wrong, where ever you put the blame.
soo all that to say - the previous is the wrong way to think.
as christians - Christ followers, children of the Living God - we are new creations, the old is gone. (doesn't look like it??? umm we don't walk by what we see, but by faith. and i am going to go on with this for a bit.
God calls things that are not as tho they are - abraham. yeah, he was dried up and OLD, his wife - no capabilities to have children. God moved in on their little situation and said 'abram, you will be the father of many nations. and i am going to give you a new name just to prove it to you. you are not who you were, but something new (new name... ).' abraham and his wife, sarah (she even got a new name too...), SINNED. they brought into the agreement with God something that God did not want to use. God still honored His promise. God still made abraham the father of many nations.)
moral of the story - what does God say?!!!! that is the ONLY TRUTH. it doesn't matter what i see in front of me, or HOW long it takes. God is truth!!! what He says, happens. i get to claim - i am who He says i am. it doesn't matter what i look like to you. it doesn't matter what i think of myself - God says i am something different.
i believe in Jesus. His sacrifice was enough for me. He made me virtuous, righteous, kind, loving, an overcomer, everything good and perfect (justified - just as tho i did and do nothing wrong.) it doesn't mean i don't repent, it just means he ALREADY paid for it.
now just as paul speaks about in romans, does that mean i get to keep sinning just because i am forgiven. no!! my motive is new, i want God's best and He is working within me the ability to walk the way HE SEES ME. i don't want to sin, i want to walk free in God's stuff.
i was made a virtuous woman when i was 6 or 7 years old. i asked Jesus to come into my heart. at that very moment God saw me through Jesus. justified, righteous, perfected, finished work. i then went about my own life, choosing to believe lies that the enemy fed me. rejection, failure, messed up, unloved, etc. it took the amazing power of God working in me throughout various seasons in my life to FINALLY begin seeing - i am not that messed up person in God's eyes. therefore: i am not messed up..
people, He sees us perfectly when we trust Him. when we give up trying to ..... be good, be loving, be, be, be. when we lay down our striving and trying and trust Him. He will work in us to will and do what He wants. just how He sees us doing things... trust is hard. if we ask Him, He is faithful to help us trust Him.
see, if we are looking at ANYONE else, or any situation to give us worth, tell us we are good, or doing a good job..... it can not sustain us. there will come a point when that person or situation will let us down. ONLY GOD IS STABLE. only He does not change. His emotions don't get the better of Him. He doesn't get tired of us and impatient.... He is LOVE and He operates in love, out of love. HE IS LOVE. not the human kind, and not the kind that stops troubles from coming our way, but the kind that smooths the path through the troubles, the kind that gives us perfect peace while under attack. He lifts us up, He defends us, He, He, HE.... we trust and quit trying to .... change, fix, help,.....
God wants nothing in front of Him. no one. no thing. no belief. they are idols.... just Him. He will give us the desire of our heart when we stay steadfast on Him. (doesn't mean spending our life minute by minute reading the Bible or praying. means the focus of our life, where we get our life from, is HIM.) He still has to help us with that... we have not the strength, capabilities, stamina, it is Him.. you will see that the desire of your heart is brought to pass. may not look like you thought it would. it is better than you hoped it would be. He does it, and no one can stop it when you are trusting Him.
it doesn't matter how much time you spend reading the Bible, how much time you spend praying to Him. what matters is that you get that connection with Him. He says My sheep hear my voice and another they will not follow. get to know His voice, He speaks everywhere. Wisdom cries out in the streets.
God let me hear You. help me shut the stuff in my mind off. make Your still, small voice loud enough that i can hear it. You want me to hear it, then i will know what way to go. then i will know what to do. You don't want me floundering around out here by myself. You are a real relationship, closer than my closest friend. i need to hear You so that i can have life, and life abundantly. help me hear YOU.
stop what you are doing and listen up....
there are two schools of thought - God's and not God's (i label it - the enemy). we have all been told the Bible stories, the scriptures, everything that says what God says is true. i.e. we walk by faith not by sight, God calls us redeemed, etc. BUT I SEE THAT WE DON'T WALK LIKE WE BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!
for example - how many of you live day in and day out with emotions all over the place (even if you don't outwardly show them....). i am not good, i can't do anything right, at least i can do it better than so and so, umm i wish they would get it right don't they see everything is getting messed up around them, they do so and so and such and such, i am praying for them but they don't seem to get the hint....
alright - those thoughts are led by what is not God's thoughts. i.e. - enemy. if you don't like to say there is an enemy out there or we "give him too much credit" - whatever. the fact is whether it is our 'flesh' or the 'enemy' something is going against what God says and that is wrong, where ever you put the blame.
soo all that to say - the previous is the wrong way to think.
as christians - Christ followers, children of the Living God - we are new creations, the old is gone. (doesn't look like it??? umm we don't walk by what we see, but by faith. and i am going to go on with this for a bit.
God calls things that are not as tho they are - abraham. yeah, he was dried up and OLD, his wife - no capabilities to have children. God moved in on their little situation and said 'abram, you will be the father of many nations. and i am going to give you a new name just to prove it to you. you are not who you were, but something new (new name... ).' abraham and his wife, sarah (she even got a new name too...), SINNED. they brought into the agreement with God something that God did not want to use. God still honored His promise. God still made abraham the father of many nations.)
moral of the story - what does God say?!!!! that is the ONLY TRUTH. it doesn't matter what i see in front of me, or HOW long it takes. God is truth!!! what He says, happens. i get to claim - i am who He says i am. it doesn't matter what i look like to you. it doesn't matter what i think of myself - God says i am something different.
i believe in Jesus. His sacrifice was enough for me. He made me virtuous, righteous, kind, loving, an overcomer, everything good and perfect (justified - just as tho i did and do nothing wrong.) it doesn't mean i don't repent, it just means he ALREADY paid for it.
now just as paul speaks about in romans, does that mean i get to keep sinning just because i am forgiven. no!! my motive is new, i want God's best and He is working within me the ability to walk the way HE SEES ME. i don't want to sin, i want to walk free in God's stuff.
i was made a virtuous woman when i was 6 or 7 years old. i asked Jesus to come into my heart. at that very moment God saw me through Jesus. justified, righteous, perfected, finished work. i then went about my own life, choosing to believe lies that the enemy fed me. rejection, failure, messed up, unloved, etc. it took the amazing power of God working in me throughout various seasons in my life to FINALLY begin seeing - i am not that messed up person in God's eyes. therefore: i am not messed up..
people, He sees us perfectly when we trust Him. when we give up trying to ..... be good, be loving, be, be, be. when we lay down our striving and trying and trust Him. He will work in us to will and do what He wants. just how He sees us doing things... trust is hard. if we ask Him, He is faithful to help us trust Him.
see, if we are looking at ANYONE else, or any situation to give us worth, tell us we are good, or doing a good job..... it can not sustain us. there will come a point when that person or situation will let us down. ONLY GOD IS STABLE. only He does not change. His emotions don't get the better of Him. He doesn't get tired of us and impatient.... He is LOVE and He operates in love, out of love. HE IS LOVE. not the human kind, and not the kind that stops troubles from coming our way, but the kind that smooths the path through the troubles, the kind that gives us perfect peace while under attack. He lifts us up, He defends us, He, He, HE.... we trust and quit trying to .... change, fix, help,.....
God wants nothing in front of Him. no one. no thing. no belief. they are idols.... just Him. He will give us the desire of our heart when we stay steadfast on Him. (doesn't mean spending our life minute by minute reading the Bible or praying. means the focus of our life, where we get our life from, is HIM.) He still has to help us with that... we have not the strength, capabilities, stamina, it is Him.. you will see that the desire of your heart is brought to pass. may not look like you thought it would. it is better than you hoped it would be. He does it, and no one can stop it when you are trusting Him.
it doesn't matter how much time you spend reading the Bible, how much time you spend praying to Him. what matters is that you get that connection with Him. He says My sheep hear my voice and another they will not follow. get to know His voice, He speaks everywhere. Wisdom cries out in the streets.
God let me hear You. help me shut the stuff in my mind off. make Your still, small voice loud enough that i can hear it. You want me to hear it, then i will know what way to go. then i will know what to do. You don't want me floundering around out here by myself. You are a real relationship, closer than my closest friend. i need to hear You so that i can have life, and life abundantly. help me hear YOU.
stop what you are doing and listen up....
Today - Dad's Birthday
today would have been my dad's birthday. makes me a little sad thinking about it. and yet i choose to remember how good it was to know him. mom sent me some videos - dad wrestling around and playing with me when i was little. also showed him with sam as a little little guy. i just love watching them. dad has a big grin on his face - such a handsome face too. i know, i know - there are the glasses and the hair all the style from the late 70s early 80s, but it is such goodness on those tapes. i see such a happiness on his face. and i remember his smile, a little crooked on one side (very little). his eyes would get shiny and his cheeks like cherries.
i am so thankful for all the pictures that have been gathered. they store cherished memories. still bring some tears, but so good to have them. dad always cleaned up nice.
he had a great sense of humor. and he could get away with the tallest tales because he would hid his smile. if you knew how to see it - there would be a gleam in his eyes - you could tell he was kidding.
dad had the best voice too. mom told me the other day that she fell in love with his voice (then admitted it may have had something to do with his car....). his voice was strong and confident. such a nice sound to it, rich with tones - almost melodious, if a man can have a melodious voice..
dad was so creative. he could come up with such stunning art. he had a great eye for colors - i learned to love color from him. each color has its place. i wish i had some of his artwork. most of his later work was done online. he was very interested in the digital creation of art. loved to work with software in his creativity.
it was amazing to run talk to people at his funeral. so many lives he touched. puts some things into perspective. God is always reaching out through us. dad was loved by so many...
i loved my daddy, still do. he was a great man and i am honored to be his daughter. God was good (and is still good) to our family. we miss you daddy.
happy birthday. (would have been 58 this year.)
i am so thankful for all the pictures that have been gathered. they store cherished memories. still bring some tears, but so good to have them. dad always cleaned up nice.
he had a great sense of humor. and he could get away with the tallest tales because he would hid his smile. if you knew how to see it - there would be a gleam in his eyes - you could tell he was kidding.
dad had the best voice too. mom told me the other day that she fell in love with his voice (then admitted it may have had something to do with his car....). his voice was strong and confident. such a nice sound to it, rich with tones - almost melodious, if a man can have a melodious voice..
dad was so creative. he could come up with such stunning art. he had a great eye for colors - i learned to love color from him. each color has its place. i wish i had some of his artwork. most of his later work was done online. he was very interested in the digital creation of art. loved to work with software in his creativity.
it was amazing to run talk to people at his funeral. so many lives he touched. puts some things into perspective. God is always reaching out through us. dad was loved by so many...
i loved my daddy, still do. he was a great man and i am honored to be his daughter. God was good (and is still good) to our family. we miss you daddy.
happy birthday. (would have been 58 this year.)
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