ok i was not ashamed or feeling guilt until today.  now i am experiencing fear and overshadowing.  i have asked You to forgive my actions and plead the blood, asking You to restore me and keep us protected.  until this afternoon i did not feel affected.  i do not understand what is going on and i am scared.  is this fear and awe of a Holy God? or fear from an enemy that wants me to run away?  i don't want to feel that sin, which You forgive and restore me from, will cause me to be consumed by You in fire.  

God, You are Holy.  Your way is Holy.  i want to do what is right and remove myself from what destroys.  i want to run from the actions that took me out of Your safe keeping.  i want to be healed and have my relationship restored. 

be clear with me on this.  i don't want to be flailing in the dark and i certainly don't want to be without You in this.  i want You by my side in this journey and on this mission, the outcome without You is too horrible to think about.  i am almost to fearful to ask for grace and mercy to walk through the next steps and that can't be You.  You are Redeemer, Restorer, Lover of my soul, You are Judge and Justice, Mercy and Grace is given when asked for.  i am asking You for Your Mercy and Grace.  open Your arms to me and welcome me home, where i belong.  You do not punish when i come to You, You do not reject me for the sin, You wash me in Your Blood and set my feet straight.  thank You for reminding me You are for me and not against me.