i have just decided i don't like stress.  even more, i dislike being tired.  it was a late night and there is more going on than i had wanted, though i am certain it will help me keep awake while sitting here at work doing much of nothing. 

yesterday hit hard.  i spoke to scot about what all had been said yesterday.  then waited.  texted throughout the day. and waited.  kept reminding myself that he was probably tired and grabbing a nap, and i kept waiting.  finally called around 7 and his voice warmed my heart and immediately i knew he was taking everything in stride, not taken back by any of the events.  it was a short conversation, but nothing really needed to be said.  the simple 'can i call you back in a few, sweetpea?.... i love you.' let me know it was all good.  we were good.  no matter what scary stuff i had said to him.

part of me is so afraid to get into the nitty-gritty spiritual things i believe.  i don't want to keep my beliefs from him, that is not fair.  i also don't want to appear to be a super spiritual person that can't connect with anyone outside church.  i was raised in my belief system and i don't know how foreign it all is to him.  i do know he loves me greatly and is open to whatever i have talked to him about, so why do i think he would respond differently to this?  and all the other conversations were scary before also.  

timing is everything.  God, You speak to him first and let me know what is ok and when.