Yes He Got Neutered..

alright this month of june has just not been consistent for my blog posts. seems days fly by and i am simply not interested in staying up late to enter how things are going.
all in all fine. i have an early dr apt tomorrow morning. yeah - should be a blast. no eating because i have labs to get. new dr, new place, i am a bit daunted i guess.
work is progressing very well. lorena is back from her vacation - she had a wonderful time. i am glad she is back. i missed her, and am glad she had the time off.
dude is doing well - he got neutered last friday. seems to be handling it all well.
kaci has yeast infection in her ears so she is on meds and i am sure loving it.
bernice - nothing to complain about.
that is that for now.
night all

Havin Some Fun

it is thursday. seems the week has flown by again. mon and tue went by kind of like a snail. wed i got my hair styled

here i am with make-up done. yes it is short and i do not have picts of the back yet.




i think i liked this one too.



decorated an office for bday today. had a great time.

here her chairs are tied together with green crepe paper

the sign on her desk with crepe paper all over it


stars and 'disco' ball hanging from ceiling with crepe paper all over


we have such a blast together at work :) i really do enjoy the atmosphere i work in.

also got to go to phantom of the opera FREE this afternoon. (i have that on my calendar and all the dates and times each day, i really wanted to go. God is so good to me.) that was great!! then came to work and was fed and have been laughing practically the entire evening. such refreshing time.
tomorrow i take the dude into the vet for his SURGERY. and kaci to get her ears checked. have to be there around 7a.m. YIKES that is early....
that is it for now. enjoy the picts.

Ouch That Hurts

today i was looking at some pictures on a friend's website. (great picts by the way - and i just won a free photo shoot from them YIPEE - i had secretly told God it would be great to have picts done with lyricsphotography.)
all of a sudden i was hit by the realization that i would be 7 months pregnant if i had not miscarried in january. yep, that hurt a bit. and i realize on the other side that God is so good and will grant that desire. that the more i draw to Him the more i realize it is a God given hope that is in me to be a mother, and it will be sooner than i think. He is great at giving me what i want in the appropriate time. i so look forward to His great gift.

Dude Lazying Around

i also got some great picts of dude sleeping on the scratching post.

i am sure if i cover my eyes she will go away....





no really go away, i want to sleep....








ok so not really


this counting sheep stuff is not really working well.

Here I Go Again

okay, i have no idea how the time keeps flying by. the weekend is gone already and i am still not sure what happened during those days...
friday - i think i got to sleep in till around 9 am - or maybe it was a nice 10.30 am... i think that was the day i went and got the grocery and gas money out, filled up my car, put air in the tires. then came home and went to get groceries. later rob and i went to see kung fu panda - cute, and 21. both were fun. ate lots of gross food and then came home to burgers on the grill (or maybe we had burgers earlier...), crashed in bed some time.
sat - went to work, long day because i got to bed late - imagine that, going to bed late because i work late mon-thurs... got up around 7 to leave around 8. came home and may have gone shopping again, can't seem to place it.. i am sure we stayed up late again..
sun - rob mowed the lawn and i worked in the flower beds weeding. it was hot but it did not look like it should be - cloudy i think. as the day wore on it got hotter. we went to lowes for a toilet flapper and on to home depot for a light fixture. also looked at under counter lighting options. got sick that evening. rob prayed, asked mom to pray too. got over it QUICKLY. two weekends in a row ill... how odd. feeling much better now...

love the fixture we got:

You Are My Reason

alright here i am. still feels like i am coming to You in the same place over and over. i see what the word says, i know You are good all the time - i have seen it with my own eyes, experienced it within my life. help me continue on with the hope only You can provide. i love it that You scoop me up and love me in each season of life. You are my reason.

'I Hate You!' I Screamed

'i hate You!' i screamed. 'You lie! You told me You would heal me, make me whole! that You would bless all i put my hands to! that my land would prosper! and i am broken, i am hurt! i am not healed! and i am stuck with a man that won't love me! You lie, Your word lies. and i hate You.' the words echoed in my bathroom. 'i hate You.' i sobbed.
i felt a sigh of relief. almost as if He was glad i finally let out the words and emotions.

'he can't.' i heard.

'he can't love you the way I can.'

i was still.

'no one can love you the way I can. there is not a single soul that will give you what you need and crave, but Me. I so want to pour My love into you. I don't want you to ever feel this disparity and helplessness.'
He was so gentle. for the first time His voice changed.
before my expression of words, i would hear Him yet there was a tinge of judgement. always pointing out how i was wrong. that i was not walking in love. that i was not standing in faith. that there are countless stories in the Bible of people waiting years for an answer. that i really did not hate Him and knew He did not lie. none of that.
just a simple 'I know and accept how you feel. I approve of you still and My love for you will never change, even when you speak to Me this way.'
i was at peace for the first time in weeks. it seemed a lifetime ago that i hurt. God is so good, and seriously wants the things between us to go. if i hold onto the hurtful words from others, the actions taken or not taken - well that gets in the way of what He is trying to do, get close to me.
i spent the rest of the afternoon in His loving arms. i felt so accepted and approved of that i was able to dress as she-rambo and go to a birthday party totally camied out (in camouflage colours, even on my face...). i had a blast and did not even feel out of place tho i was the only one dressed up. (i use dressed up loosely...)
know what, God even showed me how His love covers me. He opened my eyes to see that things are not what i see. there are so many areas He has healed and made me whole - just not the way i thought He should (i hear a chuckle every time i say that He answers prayers in ways i don't expect and am surprised. imagine being surprised by the Almighty Creator.).
so when i tell you that He wants a real relationship with you. know that He wants the nitty gritty too. He deservers respect and honour. at times my humanness gets the better of me and that is what He gets to see, and still it seems He is alright with it. He pulls me close and tells me again how He thinks i am the coolest and wants to be my friend, that He has great plans for me and wishes to see the best for my life, watching me be His hands and feet to others. what a God i serve.

Here's to You Dad

alright here are the last presentations of my anniversary flower arrangements. they have lasted 2 full weeks. these representations were put together today.

these above, are in a clay soup container i found at a goodwill somewhere. i have a mix of the flowers from bob and mom. they still have a wonderful smell - get close i am sure they imprinted online....
i find i really like to use the picture options on my camera. this solaris view of some flowers from the bowl arrangement were my favorite.

here are the roses dried from the arrangement mom sent. i love that the color showes so well. they dried very well.

and here are the beautiful pink carnations that came in bob's arrangement. i am amazed how well they have held up and how beautiful the color has held. and the aroma --- hmmmm lovely.

this plant has over-taken our front flower bed area. i did not have a clue what it was until a week ago and i am amazed at its ability to survive. i look forward to the flowers it will produce.

i sure am enjoying our living yard and the flowers i have gotten. outside i have little white roses and some orange tinted ones too. such a nice flowerbed. still a lot of work to do, but it is much better than what we had before. bob has put in a ton of work to get it shaped up and it is paying off. i find that i could be weeding a bit each day and still be trying to keep up. the rain we are getting lately pushes the plants out of seeds. i will have some work cut out for me this next week.

to end with this blog entry - i believe dad would have been proud of what i am doing. again, he introduced me to this idea years ago and i think he would have loved catching up on my goings on each day (week sometimes..) and would have enjoyed seeing this become one of my favorite outlets. he was an amazing artist and loved creativity. it would have been fun tossing ideas around on how to keep up with this process. here's to you dad.

One Week Catch Up

wow - alright it has been a week since i last posted. so here i go - trying to remember what the past week has looked like.
work - graduation packets have been needed. boy that was a tough situation. lists to compare with other lists, names, data bases, none complete. i am hoping it all got out... that was monday, tuesday, wednesday, and i went in on thursday (tho i was off that day) to get it all fixed up.
left thursday to go with the gals from destiny church to the 2008 girlfriend's conference. that was great.
start from the beginning.
wed night i ate something.
thursday i got up early (very early because i was up past 1am doing something and i still have no evidence of what was accomplished...) around 8 and dragged to the shower. went in to work to finish up the mailing label merge (i just learned how to do this too...)that took 3 hours more than i expected. then i rushed home to make sure and meet the person house sitting for me. (bob is out of the country right now.) just barely made it. was starting to feel pretty junky but thought it was because of only having coffee and very little sleep. took a friend to lunch. still didn't feel real good, actually wanted to throw up or spend some time on the toilet (sorry mom - tmi) (too much information - tmi). took friend to her house. feeling disoriented and off because of whatever - still not EXACTLY sure why. threw up - that was a 'fun' experience.. all this time realizing the meet-to-leave-time was getting closer and closer and ooohhh right now!!! i called the pastor's wife and let her know what was going on. she said to keep her in the know. finally got to the church - and i was far from being the last person to show so wish i had known that earlier... (less pressure would have helped at any time during the puking part.) got put into a small car (i took a plastic bag with me). i threw up about two minutes out of the parking lot. the driver immediately pulled into a gas station (i felt horrified at throwing up in her car - plastic bag or not!!! i can only imagine being the ones eating and then all of a sudden the sound in the back seat - i will laugh about it by next year... - actually might in a few days to a week.). the entire group pulled in and waited for me to get some water and decide what to do. thankfully i was encouraged to press ahead, that there was no problem moving to another vehicle and going ahead. see i knew that i needed to go - the fact that so much stress had hit from work, and then getting sick. and i knew the conference was going to be amazing, i realized it was an attack but i had no idea how intense it could get. i also knew if i stayed home i would not come down later - just would not have done it unless someone went with me to make sure i got there. i had called mom and she prayed with me (just what i wanted to ask her for) and she reminded me of what the enemy tries to do when there is about to be something great happening. so we finally got on the road again. i 'slept' in the back of the suv and threw up once more. seemed to get it taken care of for the time. arrived at the hotel. got checked in and set up meeting times. went to eat - felt a bit ill before supper and better after. first night was great.
friday was ill feeling in the early morning. and i have a horrendous time sleeping in a new place anyway. hotels are the worst - the light under the door, paper thin walls, most of you know i am a light sleeper anyway and i heard every noise in the hall... woke up and did not get ill, just felt stomach discomfort for a few hours. (man i wanted to throw up - but i kept praying and telling it to settle down in the name of Jesus - it had no place in my body.) (call me a flake - His name works, i did not throw up and it was not because of anything i could or could not do.) the sessions were amazing. the food was great. and i slept alright the next night.
saturday woke with upset stomach and grabbed some water for breakfast (days since i have had coffee! what a craving..) those sessions were great (i had very little voice because i shouted and screamed thursday, got some back friday then lost it all again at the evening session. sat was able to sing a bit..) sessions ended for the morning and afternoon and we headed home. got back around 4.30. i went into work to be sure things were picked up, headed home and cleaned up, then went to church. came home. that about sums it all up.
hope to post insights during this next few days.
the entire experience was wonderful. so many things confirmed that God has been showing me and teaching me. i was reminded to do something for others - it doesn't matter what right now, but just to get involved and help another person - amazing how the love of God is experienced when giving to another. girl talk was great - fun and there were lots of nuggets to go over and have God show me logistics in bringing them to work here where i am at. God is good and He is always with me. even when i am screaming for something different - may expound on that later.
love to you all.

Just What I Need

had a long talk with a family friend today, via mom - she three way called umm how do i say that? do you get the picture?? it was so nice to hear what is going on with her. and nice to hear mom and she talk about how things went about when i was younger.
k, that all sounds confusing. let me take a different spin.
it was great to hear their stories. i knew about some of the situations, but to hear their account of it - well it just amazes me how God works. there is no way to beat personal experience. when you hunger for Him, you will find Him.
so there we were, three individuals. three very different circumstances all the same desire - to seriously know God in a very real way.
i find myself running from Him, even when my experience says He is just what i want and need.
mom finds herself trying to find herself in Him and a bit afraid, possibly angry too - heck aren't we all in some way (i know i usually am because things never go the way i demand they do....)
our friend trying to find the balance of it all
(k, it was much more that these three simple statements, but i am never going to have enough time to follow all the threads tonight..).
we each encouraged the other. reminding one another of His great love and ability. and these two know me. they have watched me grow up, heard all kinds of things from me, and see my heart. they have seen the struggles, the failures (k, i thought they were failures, but maybe my perspective was wrong.) and to hear them speak of me with the words they used. well, God gives me hope, and these two sure sparked it again.
i had begun a desperate search for love and interaction from people again.
i was determined i would find it no matter the cost. bull headed i had begun thinking how to go about it. knowing it was the wrong solution, i felt i had to act somehow, even if it was wrong.
the reality - there is no person that can give me what God alone can provide. i can't demand it from my husband or family. anywhere i look for interaction and acceptance will leave me feeling empty. and i have been there enough to know the guilt of being in the wrong place, looking for the wrong thing. (haven't we all???)

the TRUTH - when God provides His loving hand to me, through another person, it does meet the need.

when God gives me loving words through my interaction with Him and with those He puts in my life, it does meet the need. searching for it i will never find it. searching for Him leads me to the exact thing i need.

so on that note, i am going to go beyond my fear and rebellion and meet with Him before i go to bed.

Papa, i need You even for that - help me get to You tonight and know Your loving acceptance. even Your approval of me, Your creation.

Another Catch-Up

here we are the beginning of june. i am home today - went to church last night. i sure like having service on saturday - which is one of my longest days. (start work around 8.30, groceries, and then rest - if time usually not, on to church.) last night i greeted. amazing how i can put on a smile when it seems so far out of reach otherwise - long day.
it is storming today. i was sitting on the porch enjoying the 'calm' part. then the wind picked up and kaci and i got pretty wet. and it was COLD, felt great after the initial shock. there is thunder, so lightning somewhere but i did not see any. i may try to go out again pretty soon. tho it sounds quite loud.
friday is a blur - it was spent mostly sleeping and in recovery. i had a rather scary trip in the morning. got lost and actually - i could not see. that was the scary part. i could see but it was like there was pressure on my eyes and that made it hard to comprehend what i was looking at. i was crying and could not tell where i was at. there was NOWHERE to ask for directions.... i finally called out to God and asked Him to get me home. He did. just for an example, the road i take every night to get home from work - i knew i was on it, but it looked totally unfamiliar and seemed like i was still lost. every gas station and bank that i see EVERY day, was unfamiliar. it was real that God got me home, it sure was not me. i had no idea what was what and where i was. and that little trip - around 1 hour 15 minutes. yeah. still scares me a bit.
sat was a good day. worked, got groceries, dropped groceries off, picked up some items gifted to me, went shopping for
wow - power outage. lasted from 10.30 until 3.30 - but i am back now...
soo i found a great store - that sells brand name clothes 1/2 of 1/2. found some great deals. then came home. went to church and greeted. it was a nice evening. came home and watched some 'tv'. the making of wedding planner. then went to bed.
slept until around 10.30 and the storm must have hit around 11 maybe. i had planned to start coffee. that is when i found there was no electricity.
so here i am four hours behind - going to have that coffee and well i forgot what else. BUT i have cleaned up the flower bed and trimmed some of a tree that was being taken over by a climbing vine/tree of some sort.
beautiful