I'm Okay With That

last night i was walking around at work, wondering about being acceptable. i could not seem to grasp why i can not be accepted simply because i am ..... fill in the dots.

i am nice looking, i enjoy people, i try to get along with others (at times). the more i thought about it i could see the reason behind why i can not be accepted just as i am. there is a reason i could not get myself into heaven. inherently i am an immoral person. things i do are because i want someone to like me, i want to have others be happy with me.

my motive was to get others to like me so i could get my own way (wow that is ugly to me even now.). and when i look even more closely, it is selfishness that leads most of my decisions.

THAT IS THE REASON i can not get myself into God's good graces. He has to have a covering for me because i am a base and nasty person. i do things out of my own desires and that usually has no good attached to it. if i feel bad i take it out on others. and that is not justified.

soooo what am i saying?? i need Jesus to be that covering for me. i need His perfection, His goodness in me and covering me. if i don't have it i ruin what IS good. it just happens, even when i try my hardest to be good. it simply can't happen within my own power, personality, good looks (YES i think i look good, i have always been a fairly vain person. but i can not trust that to get me to heaven. it would seem that this area still needs to be dealt with. arrrggghhhh.)

sorry for the rabbit trail there....

again, it is just not possible for me to be good enough. and finally i am okay with that (tho i may have issue with it in a moment... lol). it takes care of all the nasty things i have done in the name of ME wanting my own way. it smooths out wrinkles that are caused by my human nature.

Jesus giving His perfect life in place of my jerky nastiness = life. i get to truly live. i am experiencing what it is to feel lighthearted and free. there are still attitudes and thoughts that come through. i know there will be future mess ups, but i am experiencing freedom and it will be the truth that i rely on when i mess up again. the truth that when i ask forgiveness from my Creator for taking an attitude that is corruptible, i will be forgiven AND i can put that attitude to the side and not have it effect me or my loved ones any longer.

so the fact that i am accepted, tho i have nothing good or bad to offer, makes me feel safe. i am good with that information now. God is good to offer me that kind of deal. He is better than i could ever be.