WOOHOO

tomorrow our mortgage is due - that is usually a LOT of money. (actually it IS a lot of money, not usually...) we had a little over $2 in the checking and nothing to pull from. $2.84 to be exact.....

anyway, i was to get paid today. only getting my pay and getting it deposited in time - did i mention i had already put the mortgage check in the mail yesterday believing that all would be provided (that is the key as you will see in a moment.). covering it was going to be a tricky thing. but i knew that i was to put the mortgage check in the mail, God would provide.

i called work to see if my pay would be brought from bartlesville in the campus mail, or how it would be handled. (i never thought to check on this before of course...) my paycheck was still sitting in bartlesville - about an hour away. mailing it would take FOREVER, even bringing it down in the campus mail i would not be able to get it until monday. still i held on - God would take care of it, even if it meant slowing the mail to kentucky down. (the mortgage payment goes there i think.) i spoke to human resource on the phone, she said she would track it down and see what could be done.

i began to praise God for His mercy and favor, thanking Him that it is available forever more. i was quite nervous - heck i was scared. what happens when the mortgage check comes in and the payment is not there...... and so i praised Him anyway. almost as soon as i started to sing the phone rang and i got the news that the check would come in the campus mail for tomorrow. i got on my knees to continue praising God and the phone rang a second time. she told me my paycheck was already deposited into my account.

WOW - now ain't that something.

5 Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths smooth.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (God's Word)

the check will clear no penalties. and there was an extra bonus in the checking account, money i did not even expect from a source i forgot about. God is good. and it all came together perfect timing. God is neither early, nor is He late in His work.

God IS my provider. WOOHOO!!!!

HMMMM

again WOW - God is so kind. last week i was slotted to fill in for a member of the wed morning bible study worship team. God yanked me up short and told me i was using that wonderful talent to get attention. not using it as He wanted - to give Him glory and put a smile on His face. (i love that using what He gave me puts a smile on His face... ).

i was pegged, He is always correct when it comes to the motives in my heart. i asked Him to clear my heart out and forgive me for being so ridiculous, and selfish with my motive. He told me to go and let the leader know i would not be able to fill in. WELL long story very short, God allowed me to sing. (i know this can really seem hokey, but bear with me.) He rewarded me. AMAZING how He does things. i really don't want to bring attention to myself and He is changing the motives in my heart. He is so faithful to do what He promises. when i submit to His work and His word i get the benefit and am able to change. so i am enjoying being a filler on the team when there is a need. also learning how to follow and blend - strange to have to focus so on what tones are coming out of my vocals.

anywho...

today was an amazing bible study again.

hold on a sec. i really want to take a moment out and say that this is real stuff. God has been faithful when i was not, He has begun the process of showing me the value He places in me. He is changing thought processes and the way i see life situations. can i tell you - those who don't already know - if you looked in at where things are at with us you would think this is a pretty stinky place to be. that things look pretty hopeless. BUT since i do not have to look at how i see things, and since there are wonderful promises from God - never leaving me or forsaking me even when all others do; promise to always provide for me, to help me see past my understanding and to prosper me. I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE DESTROYED, even when it looks scary. i MUST give a shout to Him - He is the best thing to ever happen to me.

and now i don't even know how to go on from that..... guess i will take a moment.

k.

today's title : God's idea is: two with one heart. (beautiful isn't it..)
she says the dynamics of love, respect, protection, and honor are more than just keys to successful marriages and relationships, they are timeless principles to restore what has been lost. God gave us dominion over the earth and all the fullness there in. nature is waiting for us to take back dominion. with the fall of man - dominion became domination, order became chaos/disorder, multiplication became division. dominion is ruling power, authority or control. it is influence over an area and governed by a person or an entity. it is given for the benefit of everyone under its care - not for the one with the authority. God blessed man and woman, meaning He gave them (us) everything we need to flourish. i.e. when we walk in that authority even tho there is not enough "material" to make something happen somehow it is multiplied, more than enough. but when we walk outside of what God is doing, tho we have all at our disposal it still can not accomplish what we are trying to do.

we are to produce seeds. everything we do is a seed. our words carry life or death, they can add to a person's life or take away. God is big on the seed principle. planting and harvesting. God blessed man and woman TOGETHER, together there was no lack or weakness. because of the fall of man we have to work for our seeds to flourish. we have to take dominion over the weeds now, unfortunately we do not do that. dominion/authority.

authority is given to SERVE those under our care. mothers are to create an atmosphere for the children to flourish - better than what we had. it is given to us for their benefit, not the parent's benefit. and it is shared between husband and wife, each having a perspective needed by the other. the woman is the heart of the house and the man is the counsel of the house. someone that takes good counsel will be a good authority. adam had seed, but without eve he had no where to plant it. she gave him life and legacy. the woman builds the man. (telling him great job, for lack of more eloquent wording...) men are about positioning things. women connect what has been positioned. adam named the animals - men have the ability to call us something (lovely, supportive, beloved). this actually makes us want to be what they call us, especially before they find anything to the contrary... we can choose to become those things that are of value. their words cause our lives to flourish. a woman has the ability to enlarge her husband's heart. (hang on for a second here.... especially if you don't feel that this is happening or a possibility...)

men are leaders, doing life with their wives (nothing like hearing him say how he needs you to be with him in life...). authority figures that tend to demand things from those under them rob themselves of the best of that person's gift. a man that demands submission robs the wife of her dignity of choice to GIVE him submission (gentle assistance, as an example. not a beaten woman. gentle assistance is so much nicer - think about how you want someone to treat you. do you like the rough and belligerent person or a kind smile with the purpose of helping you accomplish something??). you can tell a dominated person - they are shrunk. only a shadow of what they were. men should not misuse their authority nor should a woman misuse her influence. if this is taking place there will be conflict and the children will be broken hearted.

FOR THOSE NOT FEELING LIKE THEY ARE GETTING THE WONDERFUL ATMOSPHERE FROM THEIR HUSBAND OR ARE SINGLE. you have a wonderful, loving Savior. He always sees a beautiful and altogether lovely woman. He is unable to look away from you. Isaiah 43:1 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are MINE." Isaiah 54:6 "the Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - a wife who married young, only to be rejected, says your God." He is enough for me - this is great to say over and over until you can say "He is more than enough for me." and know it.

in our marriage it is so important to speak to each other like allies, and not combat like enemies. it is the storms inside the marriage that take us out, not the storms outside. (ouch.)

God has tied the earth to the sensitivity of how men and women treat each other. Proverbs 30:21-23 "under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear it: a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress." this was described as - two out of the 4 are dynamics of women in a marriage relationship. the maidservant who displaces her mistress is likened to an older woman being replaced by a younger one. a fool full of food is likened to a fool with way too much and wasting it. look around the globe at places women are mistreated - they have incredible resources, but they don't prosper, they are unstable because they don't have dominion, they have domination. the dominion given by God over the earth was for man and woman TOGETHER, not one over the other.

often the church focuses only on getting the "lost" saved. Luke 19:10 - "for the Son of Man came to seek and save that which was lost." we are to seek the lost, but also to take back what was lost, all of it. the authority that was handed to the enemy when sin entered the land. John 10:10 "My purpose is to give life and give it more abundantly." christians should be recovering in every area, we have been restored through Jesus. to recover we must have relationship.

women are strongest when we draw things near. men are strong when they extend. when we get our relationships right we can have dominion once again - together. we are to walk together, it is not about what we do as individuals. this is a multiplication again. one puts 1,000 to flight, two 10,000.... when you are in unity as one flesh, a marriage can accomplish..... two believers can accomplish..... too often we use our energy trying to be correct or have the last word when we need to let it all go and get in unity of purpose - to see God glorified. Ecc 4:11-12 "also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm but how can one keep warm alone? though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves."

God's promises are powerful and wonderful. draw to Him and find yourself.

Check This One

does satan have your time?
guess i would have to say been there done that....

Check It

pastor mike does change gotta click on the blue words and check what he says about change. good stuff maynard!!!

Do That Thing YOU Do So Well

wow, wednesday was a long time ago. good day, scary evening. glad it is over.

today i was letting my thoughts wonder as i was cooking some turkey legs and hash browns. (well kinda hash browns.....) i was thinking over something God was pointing out. i have these dreams and desires - put in me by God, Himself - and i took them and began to expect people to make them come true. (now, i know we all do this to some extent. and i knew i was putting expectations in the wrong location, but something about how He showed me this today just about stopped me from breathing..)

i fully expected a peoples to make my dream of singing come true. i expected people to make my dream of being a mother fulfilled. i wanted to have people provide the atmosphere so i could be a wonderful wife (perfect too...). guess what!!!! no one can do that. (again a no brainer, but when the truth hits you it sets you free...)

i was a bit horrified that i had gotten that wrapped up in believing a people could fulfill me. so enuf beating myself, because i have yet to find that my merciFUL(L) Father beats me with guilty feelings... i thanked Him for showing me, asked forgiveness, and forgave myself. then i had to release mercy to myself (because i have the tendency to berate, and punish myself. God just asks me why i am being so stupid and making forgiveness so hard. see He forgets we did the thing, putting it as far out of mind as the east is from the west... {you can never go east if you head west to get there.... pretty cool huh????}. i.e. HE DOES NOT KNOW THE ACTION/MOTIVE EXISTS WHEN YOU REPENT AND ASK FORGIVENESS....) then i released the people from my expectations. now when i am around them i can be free to love them without expectation. i am sure i will have to fend off some of the emotional habits associated with those expectations, but the good news - emotions don't rule the outcome when i don't let them.

and for the finale...? God is the only One that CAN provide my hopes, dreams, and desires. in His time. He alone is ABLE, no human has His ability, resources, or knowhow to make me happen.

hmmmm. still sound familiar. amazing how the truth keeps popping up. and the things i already know keep coming around again and again. so now that i recall Who provides for me, and makes things happen i can take the pressure off the people and off myself and trust God to do the thing that He do best... :) hehehehehehe - God is soooooo cool. you gotta get to know Him.

And Somehow The House Gets Cleaned Too

today seems to have been a whirlwind of activity. i was allowed the honor to sing with the worship team at the women's bible study. this was given by God, and it was wonderful to be doing that again.

today's study title: wielding favor and glory/what is the power of love.

God is coming back for a bride, not a church, not an army. He is coming back for a bride in her beauty and glory. women know how to do this best, they are created to be the glory of the man. women bring beauty, splendor, magnificence, we inspire feelings of wonder and joy in the man. eve awoke wonder in adam. man is the glory of God, and we are the glory of man. together we, mankind is crowned with glory and honor. we - men and women - show different glory.

women were created FOR man. statistics show that men love longer when married than when single, women on the other hand live the same amount of time whether single or married. it is not good for man to be alone - that is straight from God. a woman in a single position however has God for a husband. she can operate well single. sometimes it is good for us to be alone. we are created to be his helpmeet - men are better off with us than without us. we are not USED, we bring completion to the man. women add value to the life of a man. we were given glory to draw the man, to encompass his life with beauty. it is a place of celebration, not a domination of woman.

we are never to dishonor what God honors. He honors the man as a man and the woman as a woman. we have our separate strengths. we have the gift of feminine intuition and insight. we are able to see man (people) as they can be not as they are. we awaken tenderness, we have the ability to awaken the desire for the man to prove himself worthy of what she sees in him. it is a powerful strength. we can actually cause a man to want to be worthy of what we see in him.

the word is paralleled to a sward. men use a sword for battle. women use it to transfer honor. we elevate the men in our lives, make our sons princes, set apart our husband as royalty, call our daughters princesses, restore nobility and honor with kingdom dynamics and etiquette to the house of God. we bring honor to those around us.

for those around us we are guardians of their heart. we protect their weaknesses instead of pointing them out. encourage them in their strengths, bring balance, bless them, affirm and protect them. make sure they know you want them around.

very powerful meeting. i headed home with encouragement and a new sense of purpose.

i went home and vacuumed the house. amazing with all these things going on, and so much more to do this week that the house is somehow getting clean along with all the beautiful things God has been showing me. i am hearing His voice - that wisdom that shows up when a situation seems to erupt all over us. i am finding the strength and ability in Him, to pray until i know the answer is on its way. and i am trusting Him to save my situation and turn it into a beautiful work.

God is good and full of mercy. may i continually praise Him.

Truth

i love that God is so good. that He delights in the simple. when i am in the midst of a struggle, He can drop the simplest thought. and it will bring peace to the entire thing.

today i experienced praying until the job was done. my cousin's grand-baby has been diagnosed with an infant disease. for the past two days i have been praying - spurred on by God. there were several times i quit, only to be reminded how important it was to stick with it. today around 1:30 pm, He said it was done, she would live. just dropped into me. i was taken back at the knowing she would live. He told me yesterday that she would live and not die, but today He told me it was finished. He even allowed me a special insight about the situation. how wonderful He is.

i am still believing that there will be no damage from this virus to her body, mind, will, or emotion. nothing will be harmed, but she will have strength and everything she was intended to have. God is faithful. and this precious little one is in His hands.

i feel a struggle happening. i have not the words for what is going on, but it is like being attacked and not knowing why or where it is coming from. (well, i know where it comes from.) i am trusting God to lead me out of it. i have been seeking Him to know what my value is. most of my life i have gotten attention by the way i look or act toward people - usually to get what i want, even if it was just attention. that actually took away from the value i have. and i desperately want to know the value i have in Christ. i can never know my full value from any person, it is a false sense of who i am. but to know the full measure of what God says, well that can put to rest any longing or demand i may have of another person. and that is vital to survival in this life. people come and go, but the word of God is forever.

i send my love to you all, may you know the depth of love God has for you.

Regurgitating

it is neat to be learning all this stuff, and i am sure it is good that i can repeat it all too. yet i am unsure if i am truly living it. i find that situations come up in my mind (the dead cat..) and i forgive all involved (if it is the same situation that i have already forgiven and there is not a new revelation about it then i remind myself and the enemy that it has been forgiven and i am not holding it.). i let it go. i believe it is taken care of, yet it comes up again. soo i am learning to walk in forgiveness and continue letting it go.

also wish this wisdom would just pour out of me. i think i am following wisdom, and then i do something stupid. i guess it is the eternal war between what i want and what is right fighting in me.

i can be rather inpatient. and really i don't want to experience any more trials at this point, i am still a bit wobbly after the past few months of stuff. but then - i really want this stuff finished. i don't like the torment that comes with not forgiving EVERYTHING/ONE. i don't like the suffering that comes with trying to please everyone - being afraid of what they think, rather than having the fear and respect for God's laws. (which might i add, actually bring me peace and safety. you know - don't murder, even if it is hidden in your heart.) don't harbor bad feelings toward anyone - it keeps you captive to how you feel and really doesn't effect them, just your relationship with them. etc.....

so as i was saying, regurgitating is the easy part. it is the trial by fire that is so hard. can i really stand and let change happen, or will i run for cover begging to be removed from the situation. (i am not certain God will let me out of the situation .... )

it is amazing how one can get them-self in such a predicament. i read the bible and am amazed at the depth i have gone. and i know we each have gone to a depth we can not believe we could go.... but i don't get to compare myself with you, or even with myself. i have the standard of Jesus - i am actually to live life like He did. He became angry - righteous indignation against people taking advantage of others, but He did not sin against anyone. i took anger and sinned. clearly sinned. i am not beating myself up - just amazed that i got to that point. (k, maybe i am beating myself a bit. i always thought i should really be punished...) it just proved to me that the human nature is selfish and nasty. and i can not live this life apart from God. i have no strength to stand, much less try walking a straight road. i need Him, i need what is in His word. and only through His healing can i be completely whole.

i found the other day that what i desperately thought i needed was actually an excuse to be "okay". i wanted sympathy for my situation. someone to say that i was not acting too bad, they had those feelings too at times. but it is clear in the word that what your motive is when you do an action - that is what you are judged by. i needed the wounding truth of someone that loves me. someone that wants the best for me and knows that if i continue in this behavior i will bring destruction to myself.

these attitudes that are against God and against me - that is what hurts me, and i ended up hurting others too. it is not okay for me to feel bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, rage, wrath. it is not okay for me to gossip about what is going on and slander those involved. living with those attitudes denounces the goodness that God is trying to do. causing me to deny what is right. when i am speaking negative about the situation and i have not made up my mind about what is to right to believe and do, then nothing good can happen. we know the "double minded man can not stand" statement. when i don't choose to speak in faith, speak the goodness of God in my situation even when i can't see it, then i make the decision to speak in negative faith - giving power to the destruction of my situation.

okay, so maybe i need to just stand and believe that these things are being taken care of. i know God's goodness, i have experienced it. i have lived in it and been part of it. He is showing me these attitudes and how to take action to get them out of my life - you have to see it to acknowledge it and begin a change. so there it is. i see these behaviors. i have asked forgiveness, given forgiveness (we forgive not because it is deserved, but because we have been forgiven - greatly.), and received forgiveness. i have released healing power to cleanse the wounds and heal the hurts. i have confessed the actions to those i have done them (there are still a few more people i need to ask to forgive me.) and asked them to pray for me. and now i am awaiting the next step. (again maybe i am needing to complete this step. God has shown me some people i need to ask forgiveness and prayer from, that will set some parts of my life free.)

God is good to show me these things. He is faithful to me and i am thankful He did not leave me in these situations with no hope. He heals and restores me. He gives me what i need. i am highly favored.

reach out and grab hold of anything you can get from God. He is always good, always faithful, always loving..... so many things that i can not put the words all down. He is exactly what you need - especially when it looks like you need something else, it really is Him.

Recap Of Wednesday's Meeting

good morning, or whatever it is to you right now.

i forgot to post a blog on wed after the women's meeting, lisa spoke on fighting with wisdom.

wisdom is not a function of education, because we can gather all kinds of knowledge and information but not have wisdom. the education system does not prepare us for living and relationships. it would seem the "smarter" we get as a culture the worse our relationships get. she asks the question - do we wonder around in shame because we've lost our way, or have we willfully chosen foolish paths? we leave the path of wisdom and find we are "too smart" to find our way back again.

we must get back child-like simplicity and purity. wisdom is not difficult, it is easy. wisdom is the intimate embrace of truth. when we immerse our self in God's word we find that it will speak to our hearts. when we are in dealing with the daily issues of life that wisdom will come to our memory and we will know the best way to handle things. the word of God is alive and sharp, it divides to the very basic human instinct and shows light into our motives - giving us the edge to choose what we should do.

in proverbs wisdom is personified as feminine. we tend to go to our sister for counsel and advice. if there was no sister we go to one that is close like a sister. even men often go to their sisters for counsel.

there is also the sister of folly. she seems to be seductive and cunning. the image of the world shows that she is powerful, has it all together, has everyone she wants at her beck and call, and she gets what she wants by any means available. when we become like this "powerful" woman we conform to her image. whatever she seems to us we take on and try to be, but it leads to death and destruction not real fulfillment. the world view actually strips the woman of her power. this is why we must become like the image of the UNSEEN God. His character is love, patience, kindness, is not jealous, doesn't boast, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not irritable, does not keep track of wrongs, is not happy when injustice is done, is happy with the truth, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. His love never ends. this is the way to fight, using wisdom.

the difference between wise and foolish - a wise woman knows when to hold on and when to let go. she will lay hold to the promises of God, regardless of the way things seem. she lets go of bitterness, anger, resentment, abuse and violation - even lets go of good things (they are the past and she is ever looking to the present and future).

THE ENEMY DOES NOT COME TO STEAL WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE. most people give up right away and the enemy is able to take all the good that God has given. a foolish woman will let go of the things she needs to lay hold of and hold onto the things she needs to let go of.

to choose wisdom it takes an exchange in our spirit. we must release offenses, bitterness, unforgiveness, - whatever - quickly and not go back to it. (the dead cat story comes to mind here. i take liberties - a couple had a sick, gnarled, broken cat that died. they decided it was time to bury it and leave it behind them, not going back to it and mourning the loss of the pet. yet they left the tail sticking out of the ground. one day the wife though about the cat, her sweet pet, and went out to dig it up. she showed it to her husband, who was simply mystified. there was the cat, half rotted and stinking - her petting it. he just could not figure out why the wife was bringing it back to him. so finally she decided to bury it again and leave it there, but she left the tail sticking up out of the ground. the husband came along again later and saw the tail, this brought to his memory so many thoughts. so he dug it up and took it to his wife who was gardening. she was absorbed in the beauty of her garden and was mystified at her husband bringing the cat to her. it was even worse than when she had dug it up. almost unrecognizable as a cat. and the smell was just awful. the husband mooned over it a while and then they both decided it was time to bury it again. this time tho they decided to bury the entire cat and forget about it completely. our hurts and misunderstandings in our relationships are like the cat. sick and gnarled. every time we revisit that "cat" and dig it up, taking it to our loved ones it just leaves mess and stink in the air. to truly let go of the hurt and misunderstanding we MUST bury the entire mess and leave it there. it does no one good to visit it and bring it up again.... i took liberties with the story, but it gets the point across....) the faster we let go of something, the less chance it has to leave a mark on us. when we exchange frustration for a release (releasing it) God can release what is in His hand and we get the healing and blessing for it.

lisa pointed out several women in the Bible who took their fears and faults and turned them into strength and goodness from God by using wisdom.

eve - yes eve, the one labeled as responsible for bringing a fallen nature to the earth. she had a right to be discouraged by her past if anyone did. she however laid hold of the promise that her seed would stomp the enemy. she assumed it would be her first born, he actually killed the second born son. i might have given up after that..... some how she realizes that through her "seed" meaning children God would take the authority over the enemy. she exchanged death for the hope of redemption.

sarah (as in abraham and sarah) chose to leave everything behind that was comfortable so she could travel with her husband to look for something more. there were years of discouragement due to her barrenness. she hoped to giver her husband a legacy through a son. (it was a promise to her husband by God - that their children would out number the sands.) she even offered her maid to abraham so that a son could be born to him. (boy i would have a hard time with that one. i know there are culture differences, but really - another woman????) God's promises would be fulfilled through her. sarah exchanged fear for faith.

then there was tamar. her first husband God said was not worthy of a legacy - he was wicked and God killed him. she was then given to his brother. but the brother did not want to give her a son. God also killed him. (He wanted tamar to have a legacy, He said she was worthy.) her father-in-law was afraid his third son would be harmed and told tamar to go to her family and be a widow for a while. he would send for her when his son was old enough. she found that he was not keeping his promise. after her father-in-law's wife died tamar dressed as a harlot and he engaged her. he did not have the money to pay her so she took his staff, signet and cord in pledge for the payment. later he hears that tamar (who has returned to her roll as a widow and is unrecognizable to him) is pregnant while taking part in harlotry and says she should be burned to death. she sent him his staff, signet, and cord. he said "she is more righteous than i, since i would not giver her to my son." she traded widowhood and treachery for motherhood and honor. she could have given up but she chose wisdom.

deborah noticed things were not like they should be. she exchanged the dynamic of just siting and judging to action.

rahab was a harlot. she hid israelite spies and covered their escape. she exchanged fear of judgment and death for the fear of the Lord.

ruth and naomi - both exchanged death and disappointment for hope and promise. ruth exchanged the love of herself to care for her mother-in-law and then God brought her the love of her life. naomi exchanged grief and loss for adoption and legacy.

hannah was barren. she was married to a man with two wives, and the other wife had children. she taunted and humiliated hannah. every year her husband offered a sacrifice to God and would give hannah a large portion of the meal because he loved her and she was barren. but the tauntings of the rival wife were too much for hannah. she went to God's temple and cried out to God. the head priest came and told her to collect herself because he thought she was drunk. hannah humbly replied that she was heavy of heart and had nothing to drink at all. she was crying out to God. the priest blessed her and said "may the God of israel give you what you have asked". she exchanged dishonor and offense for honor and victory. she became a mother, fulfilled her vow, and had many more children.

abigail found that her evil husband had foolishly gotten the household condemned to death by the future king. she told the servants to prepare a feast for the future king and his warriors. then she went into the midst of the blood-thirsty warriors, fell at the future king's feet, and asked if she might whisper in his ear. she reminded him of the promise of God, that he was to be the future king and he did not want to have their deaths on his conscience. his anger was abated and the household was saved. she exchanged the foolishness of her husband for their lives, and counseled a future king when her husband would not listen.

we who fight for God need to let God execute the vengeance on our behalf. we do not fight our own battles, God brings the victory. we use wisdom, hold onto His promises and let go of what must be let go. we have to calm and quiet so that we can hear the voice of wisdom. there is always wisdom to find if we look for it. seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be open. God does not hide His wisdom from us. He may require us to seek, and that can be a hard part especially when we are in turmoil.

psalm 111:10 the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding. job 28:28 the fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding. proverbs 2:6-7 for the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright. proverbs 3:13-18 happy is the person who finds wisdom and gains understanding. for the profit of wisdom is better than silver, and her wages are better than gold. wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. she offers you life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. she will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly. proverbs 1:5-6 if you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. but when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

i am seeking wisdom. a life style of wisdom. i still mess up and say too much (if there was an automatic switch that i could place in God's hands - tho i am sure He is trying to get me to be quiet at times.... again, not stopping and listening..), i so want to do things that are pleasing to God. i really don't see any reason to push for my way or demand that things go the way i think they should. it is so interesting how two people can go about the same goal in such opposite ways. so i try to give up my preference (and let me tell you, i am not succeeding too well in this.) i sure need His help and strength, because i can get so out of hand. emotions can sure get stirred up quickly.

well that is it for me. oh yes, i guess an update on the couch is needed: still not done. seems so much has happened that it fell to the back burner again. maybe i am just waiting for my mother-in-law to get here and help me finish it. all the times she offered and we never got to it... lol we shall see.

A Poem

i wanted to share a poem with you all...

WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN"

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting, "I’ve been saved!"

I'm whispering, "I get lost!

That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I don't speak with human pride

I'm confessing that I stumble—

Needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong

I'm professing that I'm weak

And pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success

I'm admitting that I've failed

And cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I don't think I know it all

I submit to my confusion

Asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect

My flaws are all too visible

But God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain

I have my share of heartache,

Which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian"

I do not wish to judge

I have no authority...

I only know I'm loved

Used by Permission

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

all so true. have a blessed evening.

I'm Okay With That

last night i was walking around at work, wondering about being acceptable. i could not seem to grasp why i can not be accepted simply because i am ..... fill in the dots.

i am nice looking, i enjoy people, i try to get along with others (at times). the more i thought about it i could see the reason behind why i can not be accepted just as i am. there is a reason i could not get myself into heaven. inherently i am an immoral person. things i do are because i want someone to like me, i want to have others be happy with me.

my motive was to get others to like me so i could get my own way (wow that is ugly to me even now.). and when i look even more closely, it is selfishness that leads most of my decisions.

THAT IS THE REASON i can not get myself into God's good graces. He has to have a covering for me because i am a base and nasty person. i do things out of my own desires and that usually has no good attached to it. if i feel bad i take it out on others. and that is not justified.

soooo what am i saying?? i need Jesus to be that covering for me. i need His perfection, His goodness in me and covering me. if i don't have it i ruin what IS good. it just happens, even when i try my hardest to be good. it simply can't happen within my own power, personality, good looks (YES i think i look good, i have always been a fairly vain person. but i can not trust that to get me to heaven. it would seem that this area still needs to be dealt with. arrrggghhhh.)

sorry for the rabbit trail there....

again, it is just not possible for me to be good enough. and finally i am okay with that (tho i may have issue with it in a moment... lol). it takes care of all the nasty things i have done in the name of ME wanting my own way. it smooths out wrinkles that are caused by my human nature.

Jesus giving His perfect life in place of my jerky nastiness = life. i get to truly live. i am experiencing what it is to feel lighthearted and free. there are still attitudes and thoughts that come through. i know there will be future mess ups, but i am experiencing freedom and it will be the truth that i rely on when i mess up again. the truth that when i ask forgiveness from my Creator for taking an attitude that is corruptible, i will be forgiven AND i can put that attitude to the side and not have it effect me or my loved ones any longer.

so the fact that i am accepted, tho i have nothing good or bad to offer, makes me feel safe. i am good with that information now. God is good to offer me that kind of deal. He is better than i could ever be.

I'm Okay With That

last night i was walking around at work, wondering about being acceptable. i could not seem to grasp why i can not be accepted simply because i am ..... fill in the dots.

i am nice looking, i enjoy people, i try to get along with others (at times). the more i thought about it i could see the reason behind why i can not be accepted just as i am. there is a reason i could not get myself into heaven. inherently i am an immoral person. things i do are because i want someone to like me, i want to have others be happy with me.

my motive was to get others to like me so i could get my own way (wow that is ugly to me even now.). and when i look even more closely, it is selfishness that leads most of my decisions.

THAT IS THE REASON i can not get myself into God's good graces. He has to have a covering for me because i am a base and nasty person. i do things out of my own desires and that usually has no good attached to it. if i feel bad i take it out on others. and that is not justified.

soooo what am i saying?? i need Jesus to be that covering for me. i need His perfection, His goodness in me and covering me. if i don't have it i ruin what IS good. it just happens, even when i try my hardest to be good. it simply can't happen within my own power, personality, good looks (YES i think i look good, i have always been a fairly vain person. but i can not trust that to get me to heaven. it would seem that this area still needs to be dealt with. arrrggghhhh.)

sorry for the rabbit trail there....

again, it is just not possible for me to be good enough. and finally i am okay with that (tho i may have issue with it in a moment... lol). it takes care of all the nasty things i have done in the name of ME wanting my own way. it smooths out wrinkles that are caused by my human nature.

Jesus giving His perfect life in place of my jerky nastiness = life. i get to truly live. i am experiencing what it is to feel lighthearted and free. there are still attitudes and thoughts that come through. i know there will be future mess ups, but i am experiencing freedom and it will be the truth that i rely on when i mess up again. the truth that when i ask forgiveness from my Creator for taking an attitude that is corruptible, i will be forgiven AND i can put that attitude to the side and not have it effect me or my loved ones any longer.

so the fact that i am accepted, tho i have nothing good or bad to offer, makes me feel safe. i am good with that information now. God is good to offer me that kind of deal. He is better than i could ever be.

Good To Be Free

it is funny how a few days can pass without putting something on this blog. God is always doing something.....

i need to give a shout out. earlier in my childhood something happened that i thought would effect me for the rest of my life. now, approaching my 31st birthday i see that what was meant for evil God has restored and made that area of my life better than i ever imagined it could be. (and i have a VERY VIVID imagination.)

i knew several weeks ago that something had changed, but the depth of it had not hit me. and at this time, and in this situation - it is actually miraculous that God could have healed this. don't get me wrong - God heals anything that we give to Him (and i guess that should have clued me into what He was doing.... still not perfect i guess) - but due to what is seen in my current situation (and i say seen because i do not walk by sight but by faith in God to do and change what seems to be so "real") i would never have thought He could deal with that childhood situation in such a wonderful way. God truly knows how to pour out His power and love. i am free to enjoy what i thought was stolen from me. i am free. i want to jump up and down, raise my hands and dance. it is good to be free.

Dr. Apt

this morning i had a dr apt. God has done wonderful things - my blood sugars are better (.5 down), cholesterol has dropped dramatically, i have shed 20 lbs - all this since my appointment in november. i know for a fact tho that i did nothing until around the 16th of december that would have effected my health in a positive way. so all that has happened between the middle of december and now. WOW - God can sure move mountains and He gets the total acknowledgment.

have a great day.

Bending Your Ear A Bit

i am uncertain how to begin this post because it may sound as if i am bragging... but hang with me for a minute (or more, or less even....). i have always suspected (known) i was attractive, even going as far as thinking i was quite a prize. but the other day God told me i am Beautiful.

now, i know that sounds pretty lame. but to have a full and complete knowledge, as i look in the mirror, that my Creator says i am beautiful. i could see something from within showing on my face. not the beauty of skin or coloring. it has nothing to do with my new do or the make-up i carefully apply each day. there is something within that demands to get out. and for the first time I SEE IT.

if i stop paying attention to God, it begins to fade from my view. each time i spend some of my very precious time with God the beauty shows forth again. i notice i feel compassion and love toward my husband in a new way. i see others differently, (hehe) better. my view of the circumstances changes and i acknowledge God's guideance. it has nothing to do with me being anything or having anything. it is totally God.

personally i am making a specific request before my Papa. i would ask that, if it is placed on your heart, you would join me in agreement. it is not for my marriage (specifically), or personal gain. but i trust that if you are to join me God will place within your heart the desire to agree with me - whether you know what it is or not.

on another trail. have you noticed the political policies for marriage and civil unions has become a major issue - whether marriage is one man and one woman. satan is putting an all out attack on marriage (even non-christian based ones) and family. he is attacking anything that even hints of goodness - the union that God puts together with marriage. please add to your prayers this situation. marriage must be protected and fought for. families must be protected and fought for in our prayers. time is at hand to stand.

and remember it has nothing to do with people, flesh and blood people. the enemy is not someone you see or hear about. it is a real enemy that is totally against God and what God has said is good. continue in your love of people. love brings people closer and offers healing, but do not give in to what satan is trying to accomplish in this culture. remember he is defeated, we put voice to that defeat in our prayers and see his plans demolished. God wants families blessed, marriages blessed, children blessed and equipped for the future. and that is our job, to prepare the next generation for what is to come.

at women's group lisa bevere shared the topic of when women are to strike. women are not meant for battle or to BE on the battlefield. women are given a sense of things coming so they can offer it to God and deal with things before they become an issue. God will anoint/bless whatever we have at our disposal. we do not strike at men, or our children. we do not strike at people, satan is the enemy and we are equipped to deal with him.

it is not that we do not fight or hold tightly to something - but we have to funnel that into the correct path. we are to strike whenever the boundaries of love and life are crossed. we fight to prevent death and loss, to promote dignity, to preserve life, wisdom, and virtue. our weapons are like arrows. arrows are for advance attacks before the battle is engaged (this is where we sometimes see things before they happen). we launch our children into position so they will not be afraid of the future. as we see things coming in the future we can prepare them for it. children should never be held back because of OUR fears, they will have to face what we don't.

we also have the ability to call for help from our Creator. He is poised and ready to answer before we even state in prayer what is needed or ask for the assistance. He is ever ready and waiting for us to put voice to what is needed. Isaiah 65:24 "before they call, I will answer, while they are still speaking, I will hear." when we see something coming we must not fear its coming, we must send an answer by praying. if we don't know what words to speak we can pray the Word, and if we don't know what scripture to stand on then we must pray in the Spirit - but something must be done. even rejoicing in the Lord and the knowledge that He has an answer releases something.

God has given us the ability to bring healing to a situation. we can restore life to ourselves or a loved one (what a gift that is). we can bring life to a situation when we listen to Wisdom and then speak, or be silent - whichever Wisdom counsels. i have a new respect for gentleness, meekness, a mild temperament. NOT weakness, there is STRENGTH in these behaviors. being the one to bring peace into a situation and not inflame it. what power - to calm a raging storm. when we listen to what God says about a situation we can be part of the solution. we can totally turn a situation with our loved ones by invoking God's healing power to take place, all it takes is a little quieting of our thoughts and listening to counsel.

we are bombarded with images of women "warriors". the picture of strength because they can destroy the enemy by beating the heck out of them. but this is not our forte. ask yourself - what is better a killing stroke or healing? to destroy a city or to feed an enemy? to be the hand that brings restoration or the one that divides?

we are made for winning - not battling each other. our allies are men, and each other. we must be examples for the next generation so they won't lose perspective and values. we are givers, givers of time, food, clothes, money, encouragement, whatever God has put into our hands. He has blessed it to answer the need in someone. so much better to be an answer than a problem. if we don't find some way to give then we will find our life is drying up.

so take courage and realize that there is purpose and hope, no matter the situation. God knew what was going to happen, and He equipped us with a voice to ask for the answer and faith to believe it will come to pass. we are able to win and see the victory. God has given everything we need. my prayer is that you will come to know the fullness of God in your life.

Whole Lotta Nothing

today has been a beautifully warm day. somewhere in the 70s. tomorrow is forecast to have snow in the evening. wow!!! and i have to remind myself this is february... whatever that is supposed to mean...

i worked on the laundry today. also dusted and vacuumed. ironed. probably did some other things, but i can not remember... it seemed to be a very fast day.

since i have caught up on the filing at work i find the last portion of my day goes rather slowly. i may have to take a book to work with me. my boss said that would be alright. but then again - it is so hard to read while i am suppose to be working... so i will find something to occupy my time and i hope it is work related...

tomorrow i plan to get some lab work done, then wednesday is the women's meeting, thurs i have a dr apt in the a.m. and am planning a dinner with a friend, fri i hope to do mostly nothing, sat work and run errands.... sun rest and then all over again. i feel this week is going to be full and probably very quick.

well tata for now.

Just Listen

you know as i read over my blog entry from friday night, i am just so surprised how quickly i can get in league with what the enemy is doing. satan comes as a thief - to steal, kill, and destroy. he is also described as coming as an angel of light. he is so sneaky and tricky, and it is easy to be skunked by him.

but that is why the Bible is so important - it gives wisdom and instruction. in that book we can find the answer we need for each moment. and then there is the voice of God. God loves to talk. He has a still, small voice so a person has to quiet them self and listen closely. the knowledge of what is right and what is unselfish - that is usually the voice of God. i have heard it said often that people feel like they are in the desert - they can't hear what they should do. i am going to make a blanket statement - because i don't know each and every situation. if you can't hear what you should do and you have been praying for God to show you what to do. be still, know that He is God (there is no one else that can answer you with what you truly need....) and listen better. quiet the worry, concern, all the things that pop into your mind, and calm the emotional. like i said satan is tricky and he uses ANYTHING to distract us from God's word and His voice.

i see it like this. God sent His Son, Jesus, to stand in my place and give me the ability to come to Him for anything. when i believe that Jesus took my wrong doings, all that i would mess up, upon Himself, He actually made me okay to be in relationship with my Creator. soooo that leads me to believe that God really wants to be friends with me. that He really wants me to know what is on His heart and how i should behave. He did not go to all that "trouble", sending His Son to die for me, just so i could keep being confused and wonder what the heck i am supposed to do in this life. HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME... and i am not talking about this audible voice booming directions. i find that i don't "hear voices" but i know when wisdom is being put into the situation and i want to follow what is wise.

i.e. if someone says something stupid and hurts my feelings, wisdom would say that there is a bigger issue and it may have nothing to do with me. so i should not blast that person because i may be misunderstanding the situation. most likely even if the person has a "problem" with me it really is not about me but something within them they are battling... and since hurt can become a big issue in my heart, i need to get rid of it as soon as possible. so wisdom says "let it go and let healing come into your heart". that is so much better than carrying around the chip of hurt. it gets heavy and makes me hard to be around.

that is the way i hear God at times. and sometimes i really believe i hear in my conscience - "becca, back off. this is my deal and you don't need to get involved." like i said not an audible voice, just like a knowing inside that i need to extract myself from the situation asap and let God do some work.

so what is this post about? well, i guess i am finding it is very easy to believe a lie when i am letting hurt and pain restrict my life. so, friday's blog was for me too. i can not let my junk get in the way of what God is trying to do in my life and with my marriage. i must trust Him to work things out and keep myself focused on Him and getting rid of the stuff that has been stopping me from trusting Him and living a life that shows how wonderful God is.

i have been holding part of my heart from my husband. very rarely being the loving, easy-going, fun person that God made me to be. i am lighthearted, but i don't let it show. i am beautiful, but i would not believe it. not until God did some major work in me. i am amazed at how i can view myself now, because of a wonderful work God has done. He is actually changing the way i see life. bringing a lightness to my viewpoint. and best of all i am trusting Him with things i have held so dearly (and messed up so horribly i might add..).

there is a freedom in letting go of what i so dearly want to hold onto. and it is an almost daily decision. but you know what? God gave me some specific desires, and promised to bring them to pass. and when He promises something, it will happen, no matter what the eyes see. that is why it is specifically said to not walk by sight but by faith.

faith is believing when it looks like things are hopeless. God never makes things look hopeless - that is the enemy. i know i have complete authority over satan because Jesus stripped his power when He died on that cross. therefore i have hope of things i don't see (marriage being healed, children being born, becoming a meek and gentle woman) and trust that God will make them come true, i only have to be obedient to what His word says and what i hear Him say to me. and when i blow it, i can ask forgiveness and healing allowing Him to restore. His grace is so beautiful, and He gives mercy every day. i have hope.

so i am not focusing on the wrongs i am doing - that would just get overwhelming. and i am not ignoring them. but i am asking for change to happen. and God is so loving when He makes changes in me. He points out my behavior or the attitude that is wrong. then He shows me what a better choice is. then He GIVES me the strength to make that decision. amazing, He does practically all of it. well technically, i think He does it all, because He gives me the courage to make the decision and the desire to have the change. oh and He has had to yank my chain too. i get so stubborn and immature - thinking my way is best or He is taking too long, or even that i just don't want to do what is best. but He is so loving, even in that correction. He draws us to change because His love is so great.

if you are struggling with a situation the most important thing is to realize you can't do it but God can. and if you are willing to trust Him to work in the situation, and use you - even if you only can trust that He wants to work in the situation, things will change. God is Healer, Redeemer, Restoration, Peace, Patience, Love, Joy, Comfort, Father and Mother to the orphan, able to meet every need, Hope in hopelessness. He is all that and more. quit struggling alone and call out to Him, He is right here already.

God Is All That And More

throughout all the studies, church services, even the political debates i really feel that God is calling us to quit being what we are and start reaching out to Him so we can be the light we are supposed to be. i see that the church has slipped into being a hurt, rebellious, messy, and partial of what it was to be - a guiding light. we have stayed in our hurt places with our hands crossed over our chest and said "God, You have not done enough and i am still hurting, broken, abandoned, (whatever goes here....) and i will not move from this spot until the work is done."

God called us the be the forefront - to show how it is to live in freedom. to not be labored down with hurts, bitterness, illness, etc. we, as His representatives, are supposed to be the ones to show what is good and best. granting mercy to those that don't deserve it. taking care of the ones no one wants to care for. not pushing our morals on others, but living them - which shows a strength and peace that is incomprehensible until you experience it personally. when we live in peace and strength without saying or pushing anything, it causes people to want to know what lets us live that way. it is time to quit staying in a whining position of hurt and self-pity and let God finish the work He started.

i see (and have been myself) hurting people refusing to let the hurt go - actually denying the power of God's healing in their life. words coming out of their mouth lying about God's ability to work in their life. i am living proof that God can take a heart full of pain, bitterness, and hurt and turn it around.

and here is my little rampage - it is ridiculous for those of us that claim Jesus as our Lord, our Savior, to not walk in freedom from hurts, bitterness, whatever we are claiming God can not fix. God is in control. and it is a lie straight from the pit of hell to say that our pain and suffering is too great in ANY situation for God to deal with. it is foolish for us to make the claim that God, in essence, is a liar. we are actually agreeing with God's enemy when we say we are too.... (insert whatever here...) to let Him fix it, or for Him to fix it. NO SITUATION OR PERSON CAN BE SO BAD THAT GOD CANNOT WORK!!!!!! !!!!!!!! (and a few more..)!!!!!!!! there is no one that has done so much to you that you can not let the bad stuff go. there is no one that has been so bad or is so messed up that God can not change the outcome. and there is no situation so far gone that God can not step in and fix it. NOTHING. i am living proof. i have the proof of my life to show for it. no one and nothing can effect you or i so much that God can not change it. so get up and quit whining!!! (i also understand how difficult it is to let go of self pity and whatever other junk keeps us in that place of whining, but the outcome is so much better. and you will have character that you never thought you could have.)

my part was to acknowledge God did make provision for healing and freedom in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. He knew bad things would happen, people would hurt me, and i would have the choice to hold it or let it go. He gave me permission to make that choice. making the wrong choice led me to years of pain and suffering. but God is gracious and full of mercy.

He allowed me a change of heart. i forgave the people involved in hurting me (still have to recall that they are forgiven at times. satan loves to bring up old junk and hurt, but i have forgiven those people and have given them mercy for what they did. EVEN THO THEY DID NOT DESERVE MERCY.) i forgave myself (sometimes the hardest part), and asked for healing for those parts of my heart that wanted to keep hurting. (strange but when you live with junk it gets comfortable and a person likes living with it. like having a great big home and collecting stuff - you don't even know you have most of the stuff. when you go through it - or have to move - it is at times overwhelming to the point of wanting to keep it all. and it hurts to get rid of some of the things, but when they are let go there comes a peace. like a burden lifted off that you don't even know you are carrying...)

so i let go of that stuff - the hate, hurt, bitterness, pain, mistrust, etc (and believe me it was and is not easy. there is so much to still deal with. but i am so thankful that i am not who and what i was and never have to be there again. God is sooooooo good!!!)

each day i get up and ask for strength to face what is coming my way that day. and i boast that God is getting me through every moment. it is so nice to be free of those hindrances. i find that God can now take me into a place of learning what it is to love freely. not holding back my love from people. He commanded us to love one another, that people should know us by our love for one another. He will guard me and protect me from danger or hurt. see, He has taken hurt from me, and i now have the experience of being healed from that hurt, that when hurtful things are said i know i can run to my Papa and be healed. I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THAT HURTFUL STUFF. He takes it and deals with the person.

God has told me this month He is going to show me what it is to love, to give it, receive it, know it, accept it, show it, to live it. He warned me that it is not going to be easy but He will guard me and protect me. to tell you something that was not easy to hear. i feel there has been so much hurt already and i really don't want to have anymore, but to know that He has already done so much for me and that He has ended things in my life, to know that He has my back and will take care of me. and i know that His character is to never leave me or forsake me, that He is for my good ALWAYS. well that all means i will be okay. i will come out on top. and i just may learn what love, true love really is. i definitely want that.

so it is time to pull ourselves up out of our defiant position, full of hurt and let God be our healer, redeemer, restoration, etc - what is it you need? He is all that and more.

time to cry out to Him. let Him know you can't do it and you know He and He alone can. it is better to live in freedom than those chains that keep you from living.

The Undeniable And Unexplainable

alright mom said i needed to show the sides and back of my hair - actually the back but i have included the sides too, just for show.
here is my left side (not necessarily the best mind you)

here is the back. notice there is blonde, red, AND black...
and the right side (i think i fixed this pict better than the others. seems to be better show of the colors). the color is quite intense and i am getting LOTS of compliments... YEAH!!

today we had inclement weather - that means the school canceled classes so i didn't get to go into work tonight. sooo i slept most of the day - i am not going to catch all the bugs going around thank you Father for the deep restoring sleep. and drank oj along with reading the last of the series bob and i have been trying to get through. the author of the wheel of time series has died before finishing the series so i am not exactly sure when the series will "end". i am right in the middle of several threads of story being tied up well. i believe they (his wife and publisher) have been able to find an author (that robert jordan) approved so the last book can be written. if you are interested in following what i am talking about just click your mouse on any of the blue words and they will take you to a site telling you what i am referring.

actually the weather was not really bad.

i went to church tonight. so nice to go on a thurs again. pastor mark referenced the story of the blind man Jesus used mud to heal, from John 9.

people complained about how Jesus did the miracle, who He was (whether from God or not), if the man was ever really blind, that Jesus did a miracle -"work" - on the day you were not to work,.... and all kinds of other stupid points. THE REAL THING WAS THE MAN WAS BLIND AND COULD NOW SEE. Jesus healed him and the people getting involved missed the entire point. THE MAN COULD SEE.

we so often deny the unexplainable and undeniable of God. there are things we just can not be comfortable with and God is okay with us not knowing the entire story. the fact is that God wants to do something for us and others and we can totally miss the point if we ask the wrong questions - why did Jesus use mud?.if we deny it is happening - was he really blind?. if we say it can not be of God - was Jesus from God or a was He a sinner? (i.e. can God really use someone that has their nose pierced? or wear those clothes...?) AGAIN NOT THE POINT - THE REAL DEAL IS HAPPENING AND WE ARE MISSING IT. God doesn't get all caught up on man's rules - "it was the sabbath we don't work on the sabbath"....

we can continue down a path of denial and wrong questions listening to our rules about how things must be done until finally we are angry at anything God does and anyone/thing He uses to accomplish His will. that is a bad place to find ones self.

it is time to quit denying the undeniable and unexplainable of God. the blind man can see and the man who healed him is ever vigilant to provide what we need.

Father help us to not box You in and not throw out what we can not explain about You. there are just some things we will never understand. i remember Your ways are not my/our ways and Your thought are not my/our thoughts. You are better than we are or can be.

i wish you all blessed sleep and full rest tonight. my love to you.