today seems to have been a FULL day. went to church this morning and then came home. took a nap after lunch (pork chops and veggies - yummy). headed off to friends around 3:15.
bob and i went on a rafting trip several months ago. we met a couple - mark and carolyn thrash - on the trip and connected. tonight we went to their house for a laid back afternoon/evening. it was a lot of fun. there were six of us all together and we snacked most of the evening and then watched a christmas movie. stayed there until around 11:30 - so i would guess it was fun for all.
oh hey i forgot to mention that i had an interview at walgreens - for the photo lab. i should get a call one way or the other by wednesday. (okay i may have mentioned it, just can't remember who all i have told.....) (and i would hate to have to read my own blog....lol) not sure what i think about the job, but it is better than nothing.
also carolyn did massage therapy in this state. she said that there is not a law requiring a license. soooo that means i could start looking in salons for a job and not have to go back to school. that sure is promising. i need to work on people for a bit to get strength and stamina back. sure is hopeful....
i am looking to go to counseling for anger management. it is past time to deal with some issues that i have been carrying around. found there is a free group therapy i can go to. should have the number tomorrow. i think they meet on tuesday nights. i don't think i am scared about this, maybe i should be..., i just know i need help and waiting around for a magic pill has not helped anything as yet. i could sure use prayer about that too. (not the magic pill, but the therapy.)
well that is all the news for today. i am sure i could come up with tons more, but it is now monday instead of sunday and i am pretty tired.
love to you all, and thank you again for the encouragement and prayers. good things are taking place and i am experiencing a great amount of peace - even while i am convicted of all these things i thought i could hide...
God is still good.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Walking Through Fire
well, life is never easy. i know everyone has heard the saying that you are either going into a struggle, in the midst of one, or coming out of one, but i sure hate that it is true.... lol
joe mcgee spoke at our church a few weeks ago and said some great things: righteous people fall several times a day, they just keep getting up; you don't become a christian to have your life work out all better; the easy stuff comes when you are dead, you struggle now because you are here on earth and life is a struggle. he was very inspirational. i keep taking myself back to things he pointed out - just about life. "take a nap, eat a peanut butter sandwich, and keep moving" great words.
and so i keep walking, seems like a fire all around. yet through that fire the character of Christ is worked out in a person and diamonds show up. (coal in pressure and heat = diamonds... ) and since there is really no stopping it is up to me to keep walking. love the "footprints" poem. it is nice to be carried at times, and then again i want to walk beside Jesus too. God is just to good to let me go on by myself. He is so faithful and loving.
so all is well here, i keep pressing. when there is nothing else it is best to have God. it is best to find oneself hanging on to God instead of finding there is nothing to hang on to.
and finally thank you all for the prayers, i am no longer crying only trusting. and there are times of battling thoughts and attacks on my character (the enemy is quick to throw stuff at me when i am questioning....), but God is faithful and His love covers and allows for a change in my heart, which means there is hope for me still. (always was apparently, i just forgot to look to Him on occasion...). be encouraged, God does not fail. He is always good, always loving no matter what the situation looks like. (see i can even encourage you guys because God has been so good to me....)
joe mcgee spoke at our church a few weeks ago and said some great things: righteous people fall several times a day, they just keep getting up; you don't become a christian to have your life work out all better; the easy stuff comes when you are dead, you struggle now because you are here on earth and life is a struggle. he was very inspirational. i keep taking myself back to things he pointed out - just about life. "take a nap, eat a peanut butter sandwich, and keep moving" great words.
and so i keep walking, seems like a fire all around. yet through that fire the character of Christ is worked out in a person and diamonds show up. (coal in pressure and heat = diamonds... ) and since there is really no stopping it is up to me to keep walking. love the "footprints" poem. it is nice to be carried at times, and then again i want to walk beside Jesus too. God is just to good to let me go on by myself. He is so faithful and loving.
so all is well here, i keep pressing. when there is nothing else it is best to have God. it is best to find oneself hanging on to God instead of finding there is nothing to hang on to.
and finally thank you all for the prayers, i am no longer crying only trusting. and there are times of battling thoughts and attacks on my character (the enemy is quick to throw stuff at me when i am questioning....), but God is faithful and His love covers and allows for a change in my heart, which means there is hope for me still. (always was apparently, i just forgot to look to Him on occasion...). be encouraged, God does not fail. He is always good, always loving no matter what the situation looks like. (see i can even encourage you guys because God has been so good to me....)
Friday, December 28, 2007
Being Still Is Hard
i am sad to say it has taken me so long to get something straight. when God says "BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD", that means just that. be still, focus on Him being God.
things don't change overnight, but it has taken 30 years for me to get here.... lol. so when i am crying and wanting pity - hoping it will make God move faster, it just doesn't. He says be still, quit crying and trying to make things happen (doesn't this sound familiar, i am sure i posted something about this earlier....). and just trust.
i have decided to stop any talk from myself, or anyone else, that in any way denies God can handle this situation. anything that even hints that God is not going to restore or heal, that He wants anything other than the best.
He reminded me that robert and i are one. we are in the process of becoming. and it takes dedication and blood to get there. soo i can quit beating myself over all the things in the past and look forward. human actions happen, and that is WHY there was the sacrifice on the cross. we are all stupid at times and do un-God like things, that is WHY there is mercy each day, and grace.
i was reminded that we fall down many times a day, sometimes over the exact same thing, but then we get back up again. it is that power and strength that can only be gotten through trusting God to be God. i can not do it!!! (that is probably the hardest statement to acknowledge for me.) my actions kill, hurt, and destroy. anything done in God's strength is blessed.
Be Still And Know I Am God.
here goes.
things don't change overnight, but it has taken 30 years for me to get here.... lol. so when i am crying and wanting pity - hoping it will make God move faster, it just doesn't. He says be still, quit crying and trying to make things happen (doesn't this sound familiar, i am sure i posted something about this earlier....). and just trust.
i have decided to stop any talk from myself, or anyone else, that in any way denies God can handle this situation. anything that even hints that God is not going to restore or heal, that He wants anything other than the best.
He reminded me that robert and i are one. we are in the process of becoming. and it takes dedication and blood to get there. soo i can quit beating myself over all the things in the past and look forward. human actions happen, and that is WHY there was the sacrifice on the cross. we are all stupid at times and do un-God like things, that is WHY there is mercy each day, and grace.
i was reminded that we fall down many times a day, sometimes over the exact same thing, but then we get back up again. it is that power and strength that can only be gotten through trusting God to be God. i can not do it!!! (that is probably the hardest statement to acknowledge for me.) my actions kill, hurt, and destroy. anything done in God's strength is blessed.
Be Still And Know I Am God.
here goes.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Following
wow, okay. how do i follow last night's blog.
well things are going fine. God continues to remind me to be still and know He is God. i still have hope in Him. He is good and takes care of us all, including our situations.
today bob and i went ice skating. not so bad. i am unable to go as long as he can. he is amazing to watch. so quick, and he skates backwards like it is nothing. i enjoyed the activity. (more like running for me than walking, so i got winded.) also could feel rubbing on the inside of my feet. shins hurt a bit, but it was a lot of fun. i need a hot bath/shower and good stretch.
after walking the dog - doing longer walks i mean - i feel my body wants to move faster. i am hoping to find the courage to try running. it is nice to move quickly.
i am going to go watch a dvd with bob now.
love to you all. thank you for the prayers. bob is a great man, no doubt about it.
night
well things are going fine. God continues to remind me to be still and know He is God. i still have hope in Him. He is good and takes care of us all, including our situations.
today bob and i went ice skating. not so bad. i am unable to go as long as he can. he is amazing to watch. so quick, and he skates backwards like it is nothing. i enjoyed the activity. (more like running for me than walking, so i got winded.) also could feel rubbing on the inside of my feet. shins hurt a bit, but it was a lot of fun. i need a hot bath/shower and good stretch.
after walking the dog - doing longer walks i mean - i feel my body wants to move faster. i am hoping to find the courage to try running. it is nice to move quickly.
i am going to go watch a dvd with bob now.
love to you all. thank you for the prayers. bob is a great man, no doubt about it.
night
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
God Is Still My Hope
it is strange how quickly a person's private world can come apart. i am in a place i never believed i could be. if you are praying for us please pray that God's voice will be clear. for me - that i will not react out of emotion or fear. for bob - that he will have the strength he needs.
thank you
thank you
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Not Too Much Going On
i must say that it is amazing how quickly i find the days passing. so much seems at a standstill, yet time marches on.
since christmas was spent with family so early it is hard to realize today is christmas day. we exchanged gifts with mom and sam, and that has been it. we also opened gifts from my in-laws.
today we went over to friends to eat - ended up there until 9pm. can hardly believe how much time was spent there. sure was nice to be there tho.
i am working outside in the yard. the weather has been so lovely. i am raking leaves and piling up sticks and branches. nice work, easy enough.
today i am thankful that Jesus followed the plan. He had purpose and stuck with it, now i can be free from all the sin and entanglements the enemy has planted. amazing what was done.
God is good and i am believing for wondrous events to take place. there is hope in Him.
my love to you all.
merry christmas.
since christmas was spent with family so early it is hard to realize today is christmas day. we exchanged gifts with mom and sam, and that has been it. we also opened gifts from my in-laws.
today we went over to friends to eat - ended up there until 9pm. can hardly believe how much time was spent there. sure was nice to be there tho.
i am working outside in the yard. the weather has been so lovely. i am raking leaves and piling up sticks and branches. nice work, easy enough.
today i am thankful that Jesus followed the plan. He had purpose and stuck with it, now i can be free from all the sin and entanglements the enemy has planted. amazing what was done.
God is good and i am believing for wondrous events to take place. there is hope in Him.
my love to you all.
merry christmas.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Hope Renewed
today is sunday - started rough, but God is faithful and He restores hope.
i submitted to the fact that God speaks. He speaks to each one of us and He is good about what He says. so i came home and did some confessing of what He has shown me.
had a very pleasant afternoon, slept about an hour and headed out to a mission tonight - feeding the homeless. i did dishes.... lol. was a very nice way to spend the evening - even tho i got sick to my stomach (passed quickly, yeah!!!) and was encouraged.
God is good in all He does. He does not short anyone. i am encouraged to keep believing He holds all hearts in His hand. that those who love Him will obey Him. and that means i have hope. that means there is hope to have. that means that even when things don't look good He is good and working. He holds the kings heart and moves people into place, especially those that want His will. therefore fear must flee and hope can abound.
God likes to show off. He loves the glory of a bad situation turning out beautiful. did you know that the first miracle Jesus did was to turn water into wine? the water used filled pitchers that had scum and nasty stuff from people washing after being on the road. Jesus told the servants to fill the jars, draw a cup, and take it to the MASTER of the ceremony. He gave the master scummy water - low and behold it was the BEST wine the master had tasted. SOOOOO God takes the scummy nasty stuff and makes it beautiful. if i will abide in Him then He will abide in me. there can be real change. i have hope. i still need help. God is faithful.
i need His strength and power to set me free from things that keep hanging on. anger, rage, and jealousy are deep from childhood and it is time to be free from them. God wants it more than i do, so i am even more encouraged. no excuses - time for freedom.
He will make what i see as being threatened and destroyed, blossom and produce fruit. it is His way and His will. He will be glorified in this life, this marriage. past, present, and future. it is His way.
do what you know then you will know what to do. i do not walk by sight - all things change and God is glorified in change.
something else - it does not matter how many times God has shown me something in the past, it matters that i get hold of as much of it as i can. God doesn't beat me up for not getting something - i beat myself up, and get beat up in the process of missing what He is showing (wisdom will always listen and get understanding..) - but He is always for my good, and does all He can to get me what is needed. He is gracious, and i am going to learn to separate Him from what i think He is, so i can be who He wants me to be.
i love you Lord, be free with me.
i submitted to the fact that God speaks. He speaks to each one of us and He is good about what He says. so i came home and did some confessing of what He has shown me.
had a very pleasant afternoon, slept about an hour and headed out to a mission tonight - feeding the homeless. i did dishes.... lol. was a very nice way to spend the evening - even tho i got sick to my stomach (passed quickly, yeah!!!) and was encouraged.
God is good in all He does. He does not short anyone. i am encouraged to keep believing He holds all hearts in His hand. that those who love Him will obey Him. and that means i have hope. that means there is hope to have. that means that even when things don't look good He is good and working. He holds the kings heart and moves people into place, especially those that want His will. therefore fear must flee and hope can abound.
God likes to show off. He loves the glory of a bad situation turning out beautiful. did you know that the first miracle Jesus did was to turn water into wine? the water used filled pitchers that had scum and nasty stuff from people washing after being on the road. Jesus told the servants to fill the jars, draw a cup, and take it to the MASTER of the ceremony. He gave the master scummy water - low and behold it was the BEST wine the master had tasted. SOOOOO God takes the scummy nasty stuff and makes it beautiful. if i will abide in Him then He will abide in me. there can be real change. i have hope. i still need help. God is faithful.
i need His strength and power to set me free from things that keep hanging on. anger, rage, and jealousy are deep from childhood and it is time to be free from them. God wants it more than i do, so i am even more encouraged. no excuses - time for freedom.
He will make what i see as being threatened and destroyed, blossom and produce fruit. it is His way and His will. He will be glorified in this life, this marriage. past, present, and future. it is His way.
do what you know then you will know what to do. i do not walk by sight - all things change and God is glorified in change.
something else - it does not matter how many times God has shown me something in the past, it matters that i get hold of as much of it as i can. God doesn't beat me up for not getting something - i beat myself up, and get beat up in the process of missing what He is showing (wisdom will always listen and get understanding..) - but He is always for my good, and does all He can to get me what is needed. He is gracious, and i am going to learn to separate Him from what i think He is, so i can be who He wants me to be.
i love you Lord, be free with me.
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