Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Not Sure What This Is About
it is hard to 'put down on paper' when i am so blah. been feeling deeply about so much that it simply wears me to the edge.
i am really quite numb now. it feels late and i should pbly go to bed - tho i have laundry that needs to be switched.
i like my new space, just have to take time and spend it getting to know God's heart for me. don't know why that is so difficult. time with Him turns out wonderful.
was talking to roselene about it yesterday. it is so hard to admit i am in need. i don't know why - we are all in need, it is the human condition. :) welcome to planet earth.
i want to put something amazing in this note, but i don't know that i have anything really. i feel deep hurt and rejection. i feel breaking and deep loss. i hurt and i don't like it. i hate living with another's choice - something that rubs me raw. bitterness is close by - actually might be in residence in this new place. so i will crawl up into Daddy's arms where i am safe, and ask Him to help me in this moment, in this pain. i need His sacrifice, i need the blood to wash away this stuff. and after i have cried myself out i will remind me of what He says about me - His beloved (even in the midst of my sinful self)
i am His treasure, one that He loves with all His heart. He is for my good always and does not point out what is hidden to shame or hurt me. Abba is good and there can be none like Him. there can be none before Him. i have found safety in Him. i have found 'belong' - in Him, to Him, with Him. i find a reason to live and explore again. where i hurt i see He has been busy binding my wounds and bringing wholeness. He is my Creator, i His created. i have never known love like this.
God may this season of pain bring healing to others as You so graciously care for me. help me will to run into Your arms, find my being in You. closer than my breath, You wrap me into You. here is me.
i am really quite numb now. it feels late and i should pbly go to bed - tho i have laundry that needs to be switched.
i like my new space, just have to take time and spend it getting to know God's heart for me. don't know why that is so difficult. time with Him turns out wonderful.
was talking to roselene about it yesterday. it is so hard to admit i am in need. i don't know why - we are all in need, it is the human condition. :) welcome to planet earth.
i want to put something amazing in this note, but i don't know that i have anything really. i feel deep hurt and rejection. i feel breaking and deep loss. i hurt and i don't like it. i hate living with another's choice - something that rubs me raw. bitterness is close by - actually might be in residence in this new place. so i will crawl up into Daddy's arms where i am safe, and ask Him to help me in this moment, in this pain. i need His sacrifice, i need the blood to wash away this stuff. and after i have cried myself out i will remind me of what He says about me - His beloved (even in the midst of my sinful self)
i am His treasure, one that He loves with all His heart. He is for my good always and does not point out what is hidden to shame or hurt me. Abba is good and there can be none like Him. there can be none before Him. i have found safety in Him. i have found 'belong' - in Him, to Him, with Him. i find a reason to live and explore again. where i hurt i see He has been busy binding my wounds and bringing wholeness. He is my Creator, i His created. i have never known love like this.
God may this season of pain bring healing to others as You so graciously care for me. help me will to run into Your arms, find my being in You. closer than my breath, You wrap me into You. here is me.
Monday, July 13, 2009
You Reap What You Sow
the following is an email sent to me and i do not know who the author is. it is however a beautiful reminder of God's greatness.
You Reap What You Sow
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go.. I didn't want to come here in the first place."
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."
"Oh."
The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving.. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee."
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!
The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...
You Reap What You Sow
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go.. I didn't want to come here in the first place."
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."
"Oh."
The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving.. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee."
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!
The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I'm Being Rescued
it is funny how life takes the twists and turns one would not expect. God so thoroughly takes care of everything but i can say i am not necessarily happy with the way He is doing the caring - at least while i am in the midst of it all.
He works in such a caring way, and now i can look back a few months and know that He had me the entire time. He was leading and guiding, not like i wanted, but it is being done and i am so throughly cared for during the process.
i now see this situation as being my rescue. i had no idea that life would bring me to this place. i marvel at the steps taken to get here. i am broken and put back together, only better. i love and hate this place i am in, all at once.
i can't possibly understand other decisions that had nothing to do with me, and yet there is a reality of the choices i made and God loved me in them and through them. i am not innocent in myself, Jesus has made that possible. i ache for the other trapped in the decisions made and holding them hostage, yet know that God sees them and is doing what is needed to bring restoration to them also. His love is so great!!
nope not how i expected or hoped.
one night as i sat journalling i had the following conversation:
'Papa, i so wanted a man to come along and find me.' (it was as if i could see Jesus behind and to my left, He didn't say anything but i knew He was "signalling" that He was that man i desperately sought..)
'i know but the man was going to come and rescue me from hell, my hell, this life of hell.' (again in the background i could just see Jesus, making no moves, but i knew He was that man who died so i could be saved from a life of torment and eternity in hell.)
'yes, but he would be faithful, love me like no other, and never leave me. he would be all i wanted and needed.' (by now maybe you can see where this is going... again there was Jesus in the background as if to say that He was that exact desire in the flesh..)
'okay, okay. but in the flesh, made of flesh...' (again YEP - that was Him)
'but You didn't do it how i expected it. yes You are all i want, the very Man i desired and longed for - You came just for me, to rescue me from hell, be faithful, never leave me, and love me as no one else could hope to.. You even came in the flesh so that i could know You as real'
'but I didn't do it the way you expected. Sweetest love, I rarely do what you expect as you expect it to be. yet I AM all you need and all you wanted. I answered the cry of that little heart just exactly as you needed. I am your completeness.'
so here He is again.
my Rescue.
not even close to how i hoped it would happen, yet it is exactly what i need. i am so scared - except when i concentrate on His LOVE. see perfect love (Him) casts out all fear, 'cuz when i know He can only be for what is best in my life then i can trust and let go knowing He will get me where i need - even if i don't like the steps.
somehow the journey will get me where He wants me to be, and that will be the fulfilment of my life, He is my Creator after all.
He works in such a caring way, and now i can look back a few months and know that He had me the entire time. He was leading and guiding, not like i wanted, but it is being done and i am so throughly cared for during the process.
i now see this situation as being my rescue. i had no idea that life would bring me to this place. i marvel at the steps taken to get here. i am broken and put back together, only better. i love and hate this place i am in, all at once.
i can't possibly understand other decisions that had nothing to do with me, and yet there is a reality of the choices i made and God loved me in them and through them. i am not innocent in myself, Jesus has made that possible. i ache for the other trapped in the decisions made and holding them hostage, yet know that God sees them and is doing what is needed to bring restoration to them also. His love is so great!!
nope not how i expected or hoped.
one night as i sat journalling i had the following conversation:
'Papa, i so wanted a man to come along and find me.' (it was as if i could see Jesus behind and to my left, He didn't say anything but i knew He was "signalling" that He was that man i desperately sought..)
'i know but the man was going to come and rescue me from hell, my hell, this life of hell.' (again in the background i could just see Jesus, making no moves, but i knew He was that man who died so i could be saved from a life of torment and eternity in hell.)
'yes, but he would be faithful, love me like no other, and never leave me. he would be all i wanted and needed.' (by now maybe you can see where this is going... again there was Jesus in the background as if to say that He was that exact desire in the flesh..)
'okay, okay. but in the flesh, made of flesh...' (again YEP - that was Him)
'but You didn't do it how i expected it. yes You are all i want, the very Man i desired and longed for - You came just for me, to rescue me from hell, be faithful, never leave me, and love me as no one else could hope to.. You even came in the flesh so that i could know You as real'
'but I didn't do it the way you expected. Sweetest love, I rarely do what you expect as you expect it to be. yet I AM all you need and all you wanted. I answered the cry of that little heart just exactly as you needed. I am your completeness.'
so here He is again.
my Rescue.
not even close to how i hoped it would happen, yet it is exactly what i need. i am so scared - except when i concentrate on His LOVE. see perfect love (Him) casts out all fear, 'cuz when i know He can only be for what is best in my life then i can trust and let go knowing He will get me where i need - even if i don't like the steps.
somehow the journey will get me where He wants me to be, and that will be the fulfilment of my life, He is my Creator after all.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can't Finish
it is the day after celebrating our nation's independence. (side note - had a great weekend) i am feeling pretty melancholy. i look around and see all these stacks of items needing a place to land. and i am a bit overwhelmed. i'm probably too tired to be dealing with all this right now and sure could use some down time in my Father's presence. He seems to change the scenery and take me to a place of rest, something sleep doesn't guarantee. i am tired and feel pretty alone right now.
think i will go give some time to Him and then come back.
think i will go give some time to Him and then come back.
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