A Vision

late at night, maybe early morning. on my knees crying out - 'be real. You told me You could be more real than the people around me. that Your love is enough. show me what You can be! show this broken woman what You can be...'

a whip flashes across the scene, striking flesh. 'I want her.'
flesh ripping, anguish and torment crosses the features. 'I want her.'
more flashes of a gruesome whip with torturous flesh-grabbing pieces on the ends, thrashing at skin down to bone. 'she is Mine.'
a steak being driven through feet.
His hand curling around the steak driven into it, a simple reaction to the metal driven through muscle into the flesh and bone. with each pounding He sees my anguished face, full of fear and brokenness.

my face with each agonizing strike. 'this is for her.' His resolve and determination to continue, more than i could ever know.

i see the whip striking over and over tearing flesh off His bones, i hear the metal pounding on the steak, i see the thorns breaking through skin and lodging in His brow. His eyes glazing over, and i know that what He sees is my face.
the knowledge - i almost hear Him, His voice strong, yell at each blow He receives 'she is Mine. this is all for her. I give all I am for her.' nothing is held back.
He took humiliation.
torment.
pain.
brokenness.
torture.
brutality so vivid in this vision.
i feel Him wince. He takes all.
all so He could have me. 'I want her as My own.'
i tell you, no one has ever wanted me like this Man.

flash forward. i see moments of torment in my own life. hurts, blows, shame dealt me by an enemy out to destroy all i am and could ever be. and in the midst of each event i hear: 'she is Mine! you can not have her.' i know it is the Man that gave everything to have me as His own.
flash to the moments of despair 'SHE IS MINE. YOU WILL NOT HAVE HER.' times of great emptiness 'no, this will not interfere, she is Mine and I will have her.' i have never known a protector such as this Man fighting for me in each place of despair He will not leave me.
all the times i have cried out 'where are You!!!! You promised never to leave me. where are You. i am here alone! WHERE ARE YOU!!!'
i see the answer tonight in my vision: He is there in each circumstance 'try as you will, you will not have her. she is Mine. I gave all so I could have her.'

my enemy holds nothing. his cards were all played and my Savior rescued me. each event happened. each one left the wound, one compounding another. yet my Protector took it all long before i would so that He could destroy my enemy and claim me as His very own. i saw the horror He went through in vivid, live detail. it all began with His determination through what appeared to be His destruction 'i want her. i will give all for her.'