Jumping To October 2020 Life

I'm in the last week of October now. Somewhere I may attempt a catch up for the past 8 years 1 month lapse of time. But that is much heavier than what I want to share today...

Which is sharing the delicious veggie soup I created. 

Includes celery, onion, beets, papaya, and crushed papaya seeds, with a touch of garlic, salt, and water. It was super delicious. I tossed in a touch of my husband's red salsa for some spice - totally didn't need it though. 

Purchased some tortillas this morning. There is a motorcycle delivery service most mornings. Certainly is nice because i rarely am excited about making my own. 

They are wrapped in tissue paper and conveyed in a large igloo container. I pay 16 pesos for 1 kilo of steaming tortillas. Yay.

After lunch I was wanting something a bit sweet and remembered Honorio stored a chocolate bar crafted by one of the ladies in the village. It is made with sugar and has oil, though I don't  know if it is added or naturally part of the chocolate. I put the bar in with some water to cook on our camp stove. Once heated I added in a bit of coffee and some of my cafe lala.

Poured into my favorite cup.

Kind of your glucerna coffee drink... kinda.

I added a bit of that into my drink as well. Now I'm totally coffee crafting. 

This afternoon we plan to attend Honorio's grandma's birthday party. Or is it his grandpa?? I can't remember. He was out last night for 4.5 hours carving up meat for the cooking today. Wonder how they will spice it. I'll fill up here because I won't want the meat. 

Fancied up for the party.

Ok. That is about it for today. I'm back to watching the special features for the hobbit movies. 

Wow Change

omygoodness, so much has changed since the last entry.  just a brief catch u up - there is no scot and me, i am no longer in tulsa, umm nothing is the same and truly it is magnificent.  i am so glad to be where i am now.

i am working in a job, that truly i did not realize could be so perfectly matched to who i am as a person.  go figure that one out.

i am in a fantastic relationship with Jesus.  who knew that was possible?  there are ups and downs - mostly cuz i am selfish and like to throw tantrums hoping to get my way only to come to the only conclusion - He knows what i need and is lavishing it on me. 

i am with mom and my bro which is a wonderful place to be.  i have the opportunity to be with family again, supported, supporting them also, in life's journey.  i am beyond amazed right now.

just though i'd catch u up ;) 

when we grumble grace sprouts wings and flies away.

Continual Grace

i have decided the house-sitting job is not for me.  the heat we are going to experience this summer and the knowledge that i will not be able to water often enough to keep all the plants alive greatly influenced me, and then there was the texting from the homeowner asking if i was competent...  with work, school, relationship, etc... i have plenty to keep myself busy at this time and the packing each week to live in a place that is not my space was really getting to me :(  .  

this next week i will be in arizona - the plan is to help mom move my brother's things from one room to another, but i think she has a lot of it done so i don't know if i am going to help or what exactly.  it will be a good trip and i am looking forward to it - even bought some new clothes for the journey ;)

i am a little daunted from the last few conversations i have had with her about scot and my relationship.  i find myself thoroughly confused after speaking to her - and i think it is mostly because i am trying to 'defend' a man that needs no defending.  he is who he is and that is pretty darn amazing.  i keep reminding myself that i am the one he needs to impress and if he doesn't do that then he is not right for me.  when i pray about it i am at peace and desire him here more and more.  sure i still have questions, but the fact of matter is that i won't have a lot of them answered until he is here.  one of the gals at work reminded me to not try to put things together for an end goal.  keep doing what i am doing and know the end goal will be met.  that whole 'peace be still' thing i guess.

scot says he is packing up and coming home permanently to tulsa over labor day weekend.  that is exciting and scary all at the same time.  he will really be here, part of me will believe when i see it.  i understand the ache and hurt that we have experienced throughout the separation causes both of us to want to be in the same space.  there have been so many set backs for him.  i wonder how he will get on his feet and how much 'encouraging' (slash) supporting i am going to have to do.  i don't know what it is exactly he will need to do versus what i will offer to help with that i possibly should not.  i am not certain he will have all the money he needs for food, location, gas, etc to get himself started here and that concerns me.  i have a lot of things to discuss with him so he has a heads up of the cost to live here.  

Father, i cannot recall experiencing this type of connection before.  i have someone that i can discuss 'scary' issues with, well that i am learning to feel comfortable in talking over scary stuff.  he doesn't reject my opinions, in fact i find him seeing my vantage point and agreeing.  he is good with me and we enjoy one each other's company.  i am often surprised that we are so similar in our thoughts and belief of what is important.  sure there are differences however - well You know him and You know me.  i want to remain in Your peace even though i am scared to talk to You about the things mom keeps bringing up.  i know You have told me to not worry about scot's relationship with You that it is between the two of You and You are guiding it.  You have told me to enjoy this journey with scot - and when i worry and get all caught up in whether he is a good enough leader i then freak out so that is not what i need to focus on.  there is nothing to compare him too.  he is unique and majestically hand crafted by You, flaws and all.  there is still a lifetime of growing and learning for him (and me).  i will focus on being patient and not pushing for my time table - which i realize i have already made You completely aware of.  should things not go according to my plan, You will have something better.

thank You for Your continual humor and grace in my life. 

Lots of Almosts

i almost have a full week of house sitting under my belt now.  it has been fun and uneventful.  a little awkward - because there is a gal still living there that is being kicked out and thought she was still taking care of the dogs and the plants and then there i was... yes that was awkward, but all is fine, i think.

tomorrow is my roommates bday and i am excited to be hosting a party for her.  it may just be three of us but it is still exciting.  we are staying at a nice hotel and celebrating over appetizers and some fun girl time.  i have been looking forward to it for quite a while now.  (so has she :) yay!!)

well it is almost time for me to head out so i will keep this short, and it is only a catch up with what is going on so not much to say.  oh i retract that - i always have a lot to say but nothing that has to get said right now.

on that note - laters.

my great vacation trek is coming up.  i am getting to use the last of my 2010 vacation before the 30th or lose it.  i had to go through a few hoops but i have a confirmation on the dates now :) woo hoo.  i will have the following off: friday 10, tuesday 14, friday 17th, monday 20th, tuesday 21st (conference so not a vacation...), thursday 23rd, friday 24th, thursday 30th, and then july 1st - 5th.  i am so looking forward to it all.

tomorrow i have a dr appointment at 9.15, but can go home and sleep if i want to.  i am just wiped out right now.  can't believe how tired i feel all the time.  i am going to blame the next 10 years on the anesthesia they used during my surgery ;).  (wonder if i can truly get away with that...)

scot is getting over the sinus infection he had after returning home.  i can barely believe he has been gone only around 2 weeks.  feels like it has been forever.  we are both hoping for a surgery with little down time, but i am sketchy on believing it will be a quick recovery.  

i have the opportunity to house sit all summer, possibly november.  this was a pretty exciting turn of events.  i will get to care for 3 dogs, even one will crash in the bed with me - that is cool i sure miss snuggling with kacy at times.  

i have a message scot sent me posted at my desk.  i just read the line 'i love you and always will till life does not exist on the lil planet we live on' and though i do not immediately question how it is possible to love someone that much, the question is still here.  how can someone love me that long?  it is not just a question about whether i will be unlovable, but also a question of whether they are capable.  how can two people love for so long?  i realize there will be times when things are tough and irritating.  there might even be strong feelings of hatred :( but can love last?  

God, Your love lasts.  You are able to love through Your creation, through me, and through others.  guess i should just hope and trust You will be in my relationships.  i just want to admit that i am still scared and gun-shy about it.  the way You are working through scot to show me love, consideration, importance, value - well i am honored.  thank You.

i have just decided i don't like stress.  even more, i dislike being tired.  it was a late night and there is more going on than i had wanted, though i am certain it will help me keep awake while sitting here at work doing much of nothing. 

yesterday hit hard.  i spoke to scot about what all had been said yesterday.  then waited.  texted throughout the day. and waited.  kept reminding myself that he was probably tired and grabbing a nap, and i kept waiting.  finally called around 7 and his voice warmed my heart and immediately i knew he was taking everything in stride, not taken back by any of the events.  it was a short conversation, but nothing really needed to be said.  the simple 'can i call you back in a few, sweetpea?.... i love you.' let me know it was all good.  we were good.  no matter what scary stuff i had said to him.

part of me is so afraid to get into the nitty-gritty spiritual things i believe.  i don't want to keep my beliefs from him, that is not fair.  i also don't want to appear to be a super spiritual person that can't connect with anyone outside church.  i was raised in my belief system and i don't know how foreign it all is to him.  i do know he loves me greatly and is open to whatever i have talked to him about, so why do i think he would respond differently to this?  and all the other conversations were scary before also.  

timing is everything.  God, You speak to him first and let me know what is ok and when.