Alright, I Am Ready Now

woo hoo - i have my new mini laptop, all kinds of pictures, and other new equipment. i am so excited to do this now. afraid it will take me all night, but here i go.
went to las vegas for christmas. had a great time. we saw all kinds of wonderful hotels and casinos. lots of things there to look at day and night. also spent two wonderful days not doing a thing - that was great too.
here is hoping i can get all my picts and videos uploaded :)







here are a few picts to enjoy
lion - will have to find the hotel...

Christmas at the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens
tree at the Bellagio
the Eiffel tower at the Paris display
not sure - just lots of lights
more beautiful lights
lion enclosure at the MGM Grand
one of the lions at MGM Grand
thirsty lion after the 'snack' and 'walk'
close up of the lion after snacking
lioness licking the glass at MGM Grand display
beautiful mountains on road trip to Vegas
another beautiful scene while driving to Vegas

sooner or later i will come back to this page and put in the info for the hotels that are in this entry.

Quick One

here i am sitting on my living room couch. i have just eaten some fantabulous ravioli. i am typing on my new mini computer given to me by rob. all the while watching tv in the background. (rob is drinking eggnog and trying to stay warm in his shorts...)
i have been cleaning and painting this weekend. trying to get the decorations up. just not happening. don't feel much christmas spirit - not even sure what it is supposed to look like. i don't really think it should be about the decorations and pressure to get the house in order. simply seems that my tradition has been to decorate an empty home. anyway, just the way it is - not sure what to do about it, if anything.
i am looking forward to this weekend, hopeing i can get all i would like to have accomplished by saturday finished. we shall see. i have steam cleaned the carpet and need to finish up in the computer room/office and our bedroom. hopeing to have a houseguest, again not sure if it will happen or not. i am glad God is capable to do whatever needs to be done.
well i am going to sigh off now. getting tired and there is still laundry to put away and the kitchen to clean up... wow so much to do. i find i am just tired and ready to crash most days after work. five a.m. is early...
night.

Let's Catch Up Here

wwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! so i am reminded that once upon a time i was blogging, like mad... and i look here to find that i have not posted since nov 1. what the heck??? where have i been???!!!

for starters:

the job is going great. i have finally found a rhythm - only took a month (that is dripping with sarcasm.. guess i thought i would just step in and know what i was doing. that is a totally different issue tho - something to do with the strange expectation that i am perfect....) <--- needs to be blown out of the water. :) tehetehe..
but really i think i have found the steps i need to put into motion so i can be organized and assist in organizing the office.
hope it looks something like this:
Monday -transcripts
Tuesday - mail run, transcripts
Wednesday - assist with academic records, classrooms cleaned up.
Thursday - financials and car, follow up on packets to registrar and transcripts.
Friday - class room schedule and orders for Saturday completed.
along with these duties are setting up and cleaning up classrooms on a daily basis. this is hard because the phones have to be covered while i am doing this and it often takes longer than i would like it to. and the technical issues...

now for personal. because i am so not what i do.
this process of discovering 'the one made by a loving Father' has been hard, challenging, tearful, scary, and very rewarding. things are not as quick as i would like - probably never will be. time to just accept that (easy said, very hard doing...).
i have read 'the velveteen woman' - great book, if you are looking to find what it is to be real, on a real level with God this is perfect.
checking out 'boundaries in marriage' this deals with putting boundaries on my behaviour and not allowing other influences to state who i am and what i am. this is a tough book too but very freeing.

God shows me a beautiful place reserved for me. He is enjoyable and fun. i feel so loved and wanted. there is joy in the midst of this strange situation and healing of wounds i forgot were there. i face the ugly behaviours and beliefs i have carried all my life with the eyes of a loving Master.

HOW DO I EXPLAIN WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING???!!!

this is something YOU have to experience yourself.

God is so loving and it seems crazy to have been running from His arms for so long. i thought i was punishing Him for not healing my heart, fixing my marriage, and straightening out my life. what i did not realize was i was crippling myself. how could i have anything change without knowing i was so loved and desired??? kind of supersedes the need to be prettiest and have others love me as the most wonderful of all. (reminiscent of all the fairy tales..)

truth: i will always desire love and relationship with others - God put it there. i will always want my husband's love, he is the one i chose to spend life with.
my happiness does not rely on rob. or any love from human people. i have found that i so often let others down and do not love the way they need to be loved, what was i thinking demanding it from them? they can no more provide what i need than i can provide what they need. God can work through me to fulfil the need in others but i will never be the provider. neither can another fulfil me.. (again this sounds great, but is sooo hard. it is hard to constantly forgive and let go that i want SOMEONE to give me all i want and need other than God.)

what does all this mean? hmm why don't you take it to the One who's love is pure and ask Him... there are tons of questions to ask, just be ready to see He loves you sooooo.